Christmas Eve Dilemma

Christmas Eve Dilemma

Twas Christmas Eve, I sat in front of my 'puter,
When the screen went bonkos, a shade of Pewter.
I slapped at the screen to no avail
Now lumps appeared, were there words in Braille?

I’d been following a recipe to make something nice,
Y’know, made of flour, sugar, an exotic spice.
But that bumpy screen wasn’t something I could read,
Now was a time of desperate need….

Up on the rooftop were heard no hooves,
Sounds from the kitchen, she disapproves.
What I'd made was anyone's guess,
All she could see, was quite the mess.

Chocolate, flour, it was everywhere,
But it wasn’t me, on that I’d swear!
I took her from there, out to dinner,
In a nice warm place, for it was winter.

Made a call on my cell, left a voice mail,
“Santa please help, I cannot fail!”
Two hours later we came back home,
Kitchen was clean, stainless looked like chrome.

I’d recovered my ‘rep’, in her eyes I’m a saint,
But when we saw the bedroom, I felt a bit faint.
For there lay Santa in his ‘jamas so red,
Snoring loudly and farting in our bed.

She rolled her eyes and screamed, “How could you?
This better get fixed I’m telling you, or we’re through!”
The man remained asleep, would not wake up,
He reeked of rum, in his hand an empty cup.

Finally, in desperation I tickled his feet,
He swore mightily, waddled out to the street.
He softly said, “Look around Jim, it’s good,
There’s a present for you both, I did all I could.”

Put his finger to his nose, whistled ‘tween his lips,
Climbed in his sleigh, took off in a zip.
Found jewelry for her, electronics for me,
Santa had left us great gifts indeed.

She looked at me with a smile so wide,
“C’mere my honey, I’ve nothing to hide.”
Y’all thought the electronics were my gift,
But what she gave me, caused quite a lift!

Jim Dorrell
12/24/15