Ashen, Uncertain

This moment-
a gray laden day,
anniversary incoming.
I so badly want my birthday back.
Instead, I get smoke and flames
roaring through my head
to linger.
They clamor for peace.
Do they see our grenade brains?
We start at sirens and cannot sleep.
The helicopters rumble
as we stumble 'round
so broken.

Activists:
their myopia
leaves no room for the trauma
to bubble from our tremoring lips,
looking for a friendly ear
so it can land and
be pondered.
Melted streetlights
will still haunt our memories,
not to be drowned out by microbrews
or buried in the recoil
as we shoot our way
out of this.

Rebuilding
creeps along, but what
progress is being made here?
A reasonable rhythm is back,
but burn scars still linger here
with embedded shards
of the glass
bashed by the agents
of destruction from all
around; they sought the fuel to burn us.
The fire killed off so much-
our city-flesh scarred
by their force.

Discussions
become the buzzword
for a different rebuilding,
one where I cannot find my footing
thanks to chameleon colors
sliding through my veins.
Who am I?
What am I to them?
How do my hues read today?
I can stop by for a visit but
know I'm not truly welcome
in spite of myself
and my blues.

I knew this
could happen, but how
can I mourn with no guidance,
no concrete pillars to lean on
when everything else falls down?
No counselors for us,
the whole town-
we are left floating
in puddles of gas and tears
with no hope of reaching an island
or any place to rest, breathe,
or recover from
this violence.

We're fighting
over our next steps
as our brains break down from the
competing demands and the
spotlight that threatens to blind us all.
We get called a war zone when
we try to hold on
to the things
still standing in town.
And then people say it should
all burn; easy for them to say that.
They don't live here and know not
what we're fighting for:
community.

Cognizant
ears are all I want,
ears that won't turn away from
my sobs as I grapple with my love
for a city compromised
by hate but still good.
It's my home,
and I will defend
it despite all the heartache.
Please let me share the pain of my love
for the place I've chosen
to live and grow in
this moment.