Philomena

"Dearest would this be of interest to you? I am sitting here on this porch swing. I have finished my six pack and I am running out of cigarettes, now I am going to have to get off my ass" He said out loud.

John Coltrane looked over at his beat up Chevy pickup and thought about all the DUI's he got. He looked over at the golf cart that was still charging from the last trip to the gas station for beer and cigarettes and that was when he really felt bad about his last words to Philomena "God bitch! get off your fat ass get me some beer woman!"

She gave me that evil eye she always did when I was drinking and being a butt head. She grabbed her purse and pulled out a suit case from under the bed climbed in her pink 1973 Eldorado and spun her tires while pulling out the driveway.

It was an eight mile drive to the store, so far it has taken her just 12 hours to do it. Right around 4 hours he decided that maybe he should take the golf cart and make sure she didn't have an accident on the way to the store. That would be so like her he thought, I need cigarettes and beer and she would do something stupid like get hit by truck or something. But no, no signs of her or her Eldorado the entire way to the store. He only had five dollars of his own so he bought a six pack and some generic cigars and rode his golf cart all the way home.

He was beginning to get the feeling that this would be of no interest to her.

John was an old fashion country boy, he drank beer, chewed tobacco and like to grow his own "wild wood weed". He rolled a joint out of his home grown weed, more because he was running out of cigars and he kicked back on the front porch and watched the sun start to go down over the ridge.

John lit the joint up and reminisced about all the times Philomena had left him before. He smiled and took a deep toke and held it in. Yea she has done this number a few times before, he thought as she exhaled. That stupid bitch couldn't screw a light bulb in with me there to help her. He took another deep toke and held it in. He thought of the time that she had found him down at the Old Shotgun Tavern trying to grab Rhonda's ass, he told her he was just trying to give her a hand and he slipped. He broke out laughing and choking on the smoke at the same time. I couldn't believe she believed me.

John chugged his last beer and finished his joint. He knew he was approaching a crisis of sorts in his life. Damn it! I have no beer and no woman to get me any. If there was one thing Philomena did well it was fetch beer! By now the sun had gone down over the ridge and the outside was getting dark quickly. The cool mountain air was beginning to get crisp. John picked himself up and staggered a little into the house.

Is Philomena coming back? If she is then I can finish that bottle of Jack I have over there on the kitchen table; if she isn't I may have to scrounge up some money and drive the golf cart back to the liquor store.

What the hell is taking that bitch so long?

He was beginning to wonder if she was really going to come back. It was now 14 hours since she left.
"Hell, that worthless piece of trailer park trash couldn't survive ten minutes without me" he thought. "She's coming back and that's a fact Jack".

He reached for his bottle of Jack Daniels and unscrewed the top, he took a big swig and wiped his face. He turned on the television and switched through the channels until he found a channel with off road racing. He parked his butt in his favorite recliner and took another big swig of Jack.

"That bitch better get back here cause I am going to be too drunk to control myself when I see her" he said out loud. He thought about the time she had come home from work and he had been drinking all night waiting for her. She got home late and he had accused her of cheating on him and beat her within an inch of her life. She had escaped him only because he fell over the steps out front and she jumped in the car and rode off. She was only gone 20 minutes when she returned and called an ambulance for me. They were both in the hospital for several days after that. Johns liver wasn't handling the alcohol too well.

she was never late again though. John smiled and took another big swig.

John looked up at the clock on the wall, it was almost ten oclock. The liquor store was going to be closed at eleven o'clock. There wasn't enough time to take the golf cart. "Where the hell is that woman?" he thought, "I may just have to beat one more time so she understands who is the important one here!"

He walked out on the porch and the crickets where making their late night noise. He thought "I may have to drive myself". He knew that if he got caught it would be jail time.
John staggered back into the house in a fit of anger. "If you want something done right you just have to do it yourself". He started looking around for loose change. There was always some change in a jar in the bathroom. He looked in her drawer and discovered a twenty dollar bill stashed in the back, wrapped in some underwear. "She is the stupidest woman on the planet" he thought as he laughed and made a bee line for the keys in the kitchen. He had to stop and steady himself on the kitchen table.

After a minute or so he rallied himself for a second charge for the truck. "Whoa baby I am on the road again!" he shouted out loud. He reached the truck and pulled himself into the seat. John fumbled with the keys until he found the right one and started up the truck.

He backed it up and hit the porch and then changed gears and went forward. "That was an oops" he thought as he pulled out of the driveway and onto the dirt road that led out to the paved road.

"He Haw" he shouted with glee. It had been a while since he had driven and was enjoying the freedom. He didn't need that worthless bitch, hell he could have done this a while ago. He came around the first bend and was going a little bit faster than he should have and struggled to maintain control as the pickup blazed down the dirt road.

He reached the black top road and stopped in a moment of hesitation. Then he thought to himself "Just do it!"

He put the pedal to the metal and flew out onto the main road, hollering and having a great time. An eighteen wheeler came towards him and for a moment his heart beat like an out of control train. He swerved a little towards the edge of the road and the truck driver honked. Beads of sweat rolled down his face as he struggled to get a grip on what he was doing.

"Just calm down, you can do this John Coltrane! It is only a couple of miles, just relax and get your shit together." he said.

He drove for a few more minutes and then he saw some cars coming towards him and his eyes grew blurry from the bright lights. The next thing he knew he was floating through the air and he landed on someone's front porch.

The owners of the house turned the lights on and came running out to see a man on their porch mumbling "Dearest would this be of interest to you? I could really use a little help now. Oh yea I miss you."

His bloody head dropped on the steering wheel. A crowd of people pulled over and the owner of the house called an ambulance. One person in the crowd ran down the embankment and looked at John and after checking for a pulse said "This man is dead".

Another person in the small crowd could be heard saying "Isn't that John Coltrane, Philomena?"

"Yea but it is of no interest to me" and with that they climbed in their car and drove away.