A snail and some buddies learn a hard lesson about "pyroflatulence"! 1st. PLACE WINNER! |
I'm proud of this little oldie! It won me a First Prize ribbon thingy in a funny pome contest. Except that was in a previous incarnation. Hope you enjoy it. BARTHOLEMEW, THE SNAIL Now this here's the tale o' Bartholomew Snail and his trouble emitting a fart But 'Bartholomew' ain't all that easy to rhyme so from here on, I'll just call him "Bart" Poor Bart he was slow for a young escargot and he never quite mastered the art of extending his anus outside of his shell when he knew he was going to fart So as you'd expect all his methane collected inside of his shell like a bubble 'til one day the weight became too much to bear and he figured he might be in trouble So Bart made a call to the doc, who said, "Y'all better haul your ass down here an' pronto!" "I'll get there as fast as I can!" answered Bart Then he hit the road north for Toronto By around 10 pm, he met up with two friends after travelling 'bout twenty feet "You ain't gonna get there tonight .. " one pal said ".. so you'd best get yer trail off the street!" "You're right!" agreed Bart, as he let go a fart which of course remained inside his shell "What say we all go pitch a tent in the mud?" and his one buddy said, "Might as well!" So they all looked around 'til they finally found a real nice little murky quagmire While his friends set up camp, Bart went off to collect an assortment of twigs for a fire Well, Bart he done good at assembling the wood but remember he wasn't too bright As the three gathered round n' sang "Bobby McGee" that's when Bart asked 'em, "Who's got a light?" Methane as you know has a proneness to blow when exposed to a source of ignition A lighter will do it, a candle or match .. such a volatile predisposition And so it went down, a Bic Lighter was found as deep into their pockets they delved Ol' Bart clicked the Bic and now he n' his pals are mere SHELLS of their old former selves The End |