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A contest entry from my last time here, based upon a true story. |
First Place Winner - CJ's Twisted Traditional Poetry Contest! (Round 3) l, Contest Entry Access: No Restrictions CJ's TWISTED TRADITIONAL POETRY CONTEST ROUND 3 PROMPT Write an Ode. THE TWIST - An Ode usually glorifies something. I want yours to be hateful. I want an angry ode. PINKY TOE FROM HELL Oh Pinky Toe, oh Pinky Toe why do you agonize me so? You aggravating little thing this ANTI-ODE to you I sing You fill my nights with throbbing pain Dagnabbit! There you go again! Toe-knuckles stabbed - like shards of glass that radiate up to my ass Because of you I cannot sleep you evil, heartless little creep Pray tell, what did I do to you to make you hurt me like you do? In all my life I can't recall your being any use at all And now, all that you do for me is fill my nights with misery Your tender, sore arthritic joints Why are you there? What is your point? Except to cause me agony I don't deserve this! WOE is me! It's always YOU when pain's afoot you ugly, vile pain in the butt Why can't you just leave me alone you putrid slab of meat and bone? When I was young, without a care 'twas as if you weren't even there And so we travelled, you and I through valleys low, up mountains high I took you dancing, climbed some rocks always attired in comfy socks I've dipped you in the ocean blue and given you a blue suede shoe We've hiked in forests deep and dark I've took you to amusement parks At times when you've begun to stink I've washed you in the kitchen sink I know I've stubbed you, here and there but accidentally, I swear! Your brothers got it worse than you but they remain painless and true Of all the toes I've ever had you are the only one gone bad Your fellow toes no pain impart God bless their stubby little hearts If only I could end the grief Wish I could prune you, like a leaf that grows upon a wooden tree Except that wooden tree is me! But that's okay, the time grows nigh when both of us are gonna die That day we'll go our sep'rate ways and stay there 'til the End of Days 'Cuz when I'm at the Pearly Gates I'll ask St. Pete to amputate you from my foot. Then I will tell him why you should be damned to hell That's when you'll see the last of me you no-good little SOB I'll check right in to Paradise with nine toes left - they should suffice "The Nine-Toed Angel", they'll call me in Heaven for Eternity But you will pay the price, my friend with suffering that never ends Just like you did to me below on Earth, you Dam-Ned Pinky Toe Meantime, for now I've had my fun .. My Anti-Ode to you is done (68 lines) |