The World's Greatest Evolutionist!

Mythic Evolution

Evolution stories

By

Miguel Atkinson

Copyright 2012 Miguel Atkinson

All rights reserved.

Published by: Miguel Atkinson at Smashwords

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold

or given away to other people.

The characters and events are fictitious. Any similarity to real people, places, or events in coincidental.

Disclaimer: Evolution is not real. Do not attempt any of experiments depicted.

Preface

         This collection contains some stories to entertain with evolution, mythical creatures, and strange experiments. Contains some language and violence and strange experiments. For mature readers.


The World's Greatest Evolutionist!


         On that day, the world watched in awe and anticipation, yearning for the moment when Evolutionary Reversal took its place!

         Months before when the man who shocked the world first appeared.

         They were in a large crowd at a small science conference. A small debate of two notable men. Dr. Roman Sigfried, a leader in denouncing evolution hoaxes like the flying pig pictures awhile back. And Dr. Martin Apel who cancelled suddenly!

         Although this was a small get together, it garnered more attention as Dr. Sigfried was basically saying it was the end of evolution once he presented. This caused a few local news crews to stop by but the buzz wasn't like a concert or anything. Still, the turnout was higher than recent years and many professionals as well as people of varied experience showed up for the debate and presentation.

         "It's time we end the lies of evolution. After my presentation of the evidence, I suspect everyone will finally realize it was dead on arrival," the doctor said to the blonde newswoman.

         The newswoman ran down the hall to the other doctor to get a comment as well. "I have come to reveal my latest research not indulge in fantasy like Dr. Roman. Stay tuned!" the mystery substitute said as they both moved to the stage. The podiums were ready as well as the massive screen for their displaying evidence.

         The university had scheduled a debate on evolution and creation for over a month. Unfortunately, the evolutionist had cancelled. No doubt in fear of his opponent who had won several thus far. Rather than cancel the whole event, a substitute had been chosen due to his eagerness. A complete unknown with little in credentials. Yet, he stood boldly in his white coat with safety goggles atop his head as if he had just finished some experiment!

         The Creation advocate stood up in a dark suit at his podium. The audience bought snacks as they prepared for a break from the usual school events. "My opponent Dr. Apel was too busy to make it. I don't blame him. The last time we spoke, he was trying to convince me evolution was real because he had lower back pain!" Dr. Roman said with a smile. They laughed.

         "As if that was proof that he used to walk on four legs? I mean, what kind of proof is he thinking of? That man 'evolved' from hippo? I have never met our substitute but I hope you won't be using Dr. Apel's arguments," Dr. Roman said as he gestured to him.

         The man in the lab coat gladly spoke up.

         "I too have heard this foolish idea. People say lower back pain proves evolution. I think we all see the faulty logic in that. Anyone can hurt their back or twist it even whilst sleeping. It's much more logical to say humans like bananas even though they are not native to their locality. Here we see humans remember their ape-like diet. Humans love bananas and apes love bananas. I call it, theory of evolutionary flavor!!! Haha! Why? Therefore evolution." the man declared before the stunned audience.

         "Well, of course bananas are delicious! But still!" Dr. Roman said as he continued on his evidence tearing into evolution. The crowd was half pleased and half angry.

         Dr. Roman went into his presentation in depth. The screen flashed with photos of the footprints.
         "Now, these human footprints and human bones on top of dinosaur tracks clearly undo the idea of billions of years! It is utter nonsense and the time to let go, no, the time to destroy the lies is here!" Dr. Roman shouted to applause. But the evolutionists were furious!
         "I'm going to kill this fucker," the evolutionist mumbled to himself.
         He turned to his opponent happily. "Well?" Dr. Roman said.
         "Are you finished? Yes, well, I suppose that is a nice transition point for me, thank you. As Dr. Roman just put it, it is impossible for humans to live at this time," the unknown man said from his podium.

         "I didn't say that," Dr. Roman said.
         "Which means, the footprints here cannot be humans. What then?" the stranger said to them all.
         "Aliens?" one man in the crowd whispered. Why would aliens be barefoot with dinosaurs?
         "No, they are humans is my point!" Dr. Roman answered.

         "He's so modest. We should think of Dr. Roman as an evolution hero! If he had not helped find such evidence, I would have never made my discovery that I would like to share with you all today," the mystery man said.
         "What is he talking about?" Dr. Roman thought in confusion.

         "Now, where to begin. First to answer the good doctor's question. The feet are human-like but not human. How can that be? I believe I have described it quite well in my papers. I call it -Mythic Evolution Theory," the unknown man said as the crowd gasped.

         "What in the world are you talking about?" Dr. Roman demanded.
         "Weird. This is getting interesting, huh?" the student in the crowd said to his girlfriend.
         "I don't know," she said in confusion as she stared at the presentation.

         "The footprints were made by this!" the unknown man said as the screen lit up. A drawing of a lizard-like man came up. They gasped in confusion. "We all know the stories of such creatures, including the underground cities. Now, evolution has unraveled another mystery with my theories. We all know lizards grow differently than all of us, allowing for such giants. That is a fact however; evolution has another description or state that I call - Ultimate Realization Evolution. What does this mean exactly? Bear with me. We all know today, man is the most evolved form, the perfect form," he said as they listened in stunned silence and disbelief.

         "What we now have thanks to Dr. Roman Sigfried's work and others is a chance to explain even more about evolution and how it works. These creatures, the lizards, evolved into their ultimate forms, the lizard men lost to history! Notice how they look more human? Their toes for instance would be scaly but numbered like men. This explains such footprints; it also explains the tools found in old coal etc. But what happened to these creatures? They were not the ultimate form. Although they had some intelligence, their brains were too lizard-like to prosper. This was the first ultimate dead-end. The lizard's ultimate form. Here we see the lizard never stops growing so naturally it reached its ultimate form first. This not only explains so-called lizard cities underground but also these so-called "human" footprints by dinosaur prints. These things had the similar digits but that's all. It is surely extinct. But it doesn't stop there," the unknown man said to a shocked crowd. Did he expect anyone to believe this?

         "This ultimate form idea is integral to evolution. But it doesn't stop there. Nature has always wanted man, the ultimate form. But there are many failures along the way. The first we are all familiar with. The Golem, nature's first attempt to make a living organism, a living rock. The first dead-end. While long-lived the Golem was slow and unable to reproduce. This is why there are still some stories from recent history. Notice how the rock was more human like? Just as I said, nature wants man, the ultimate form. But there is much more. The Bird's final form as I'm sure you all know is the legendary Harpy! As this flying fiend evolved, it was ultimately limited by its low intellect and inability to make tools. This dead-end is the bird's ultimate evolved form. Notice how it is more man-like? All building to us," the mystery man continued.

         "This is nonsense!" Dr. Roman said in anger.

         "I listened to you for an hour! Now, shall you let me finish!" the mystery man demanded as the crowd roared in support. They wanted to see what the hell he was talking about!

         "Now, naturally, the ultimate form of the fish is as many sailors have said so very humanlike, the aquatic mermaid! See here, we have a big problem; this creature could not conquer the land. This spurred evolution to go on land and resulted in the lizard men later on. In the depths, this creature may have survived and that explains that," the man continued.

         "That doesn't explain anything!" Dr. Roman thought.

         "Now since my colleague is fond of horses, let me go into this. First, we have the centaurs as they were called. A dead-end but the ultimate form of horses. Still, it took so long to evolve that it was even alive at the same time as men. This doomed it of course. Then we get to special evolution with the horses alternate form. The unicorn. Here we see the Unicorn was so rare that man would obviously not let it prosper. Another dead-end of the horse. Then we get to my favorite example. It took awhile for me to figure this one out. The fairy. Then I realized it was not just an insect at all. Flowers and insects have an almost symbiotic relationship. That's when I realized. The ultimate form of the insect flower symbiosis! The fairy dust creates nursery in flowers and births new fairies. Of course the clothing is fiction. What we are actually seeing is flower petals as it burst forth that stick to its slick body as a skirt. Hello Lady! They are actually asexual since they are born from dust so even a fairy with male appearance is not male in the truest sense. Notice how much more human like than insects? But obviously the size of the brain and body are serious limits," the man said as they looked on as the projector went through the drawings.

         "Now we reach man. I hypothesize there are actually two dead-ends here as well! The first is obvious. Fish have both eyes on each side of its face. As we evolved, some evolved with one! These giant creatures known as the Cyclops. Of course one eye was a disadvantage and the size made it a target of humans. Next, and finally we reach the last dead-end. The Werewolf. The ultimate form of Wolf and Man. These creatures are so similar to man they can pass as a person if covered properly but they go wild with the lunar cycle due to an effect I call Mesmerizing glow. It affects the beast side of the brain and stimulates hair growth. Obviously such a wild beast had to be put down. Leaving us with man! The ultimate form. Now nature is at equilibrium so evolution has stopped. Now we have explained even more with Mythic Evolution!" the man declared to them.

         They were shocked. "Are you serious?!" Dr. Roman said. The evolutionists applauded. "No! Do you have evidence of any of your claims!" Dr. Roman demanded.

         "The same evidence as you of course. You pointed out all the inconsistencies. There must have been such creatures and of course that explains all the claims of sightings as well!" the man said. They applauded.

         "We move on to questions!" the announcer said. The first young man walked up in awe. He looked up at the mystery speaker.

         "Who are you?" the young evolutionist asked.

         "I am the World's Greatest Evolutionist! Dr. Adam Rex!" the mystery man said, revealing his identity! Another person came up in line to speak.

         "Dr. Rex! Oh my gosh! How did you do it?" the college girl said in awe.
         "It was quite easy my dear although I could use an intern if you are ever available. Really, I have to thank Dr. Roman. His discoveries have allowed for such a huge step forward. I shall put his endeavors in my new book. Mythic Evolution!" Dr. Rex said.

"Please don't!" Dr. Roman said as the next question came.

         "How can they be buying this shit?" the school reporter thought as he looked on.

         "You are saying not only did a living organism come from rocks but the Golem is the rocks ultimate evolved form? Is that right?" the student asked.

         "Exactly! Bright young man," Dr. Rex said. The man gasped in awe.

         "But there's no evidence and that is scientifically impossible!" Dr. Roman said.

         "How long have you been helping Dr. Rex with his discoveries?" one man asked Dr. Roman.
         "I haven't! I have been working to show evolution is not supported! He hasn't offered one shred of evidence!" Dr. Roman said.

         "He's so modest," Dr. Rex said.

         "Ok! I think I got it but now that man is here, what's next?" one man asked.
         "I can't believe this is happening," Dr. Roman said.

         "I'll take that. Now, obviously that is a subject of debate. There are those who think cyborgs are the future but I personally think biological perfection followed by flying into space is the next step. After all, man's mind is needed for life to continue!" Dr. Roman said.

         They applauded.

         "Do you have any questions in light of this new discovery Dr. Roman?" the announcer said.
         "It's not a discovery! It's a made-up story! This is nonsense! He has no evidence. I do have some evolution questions if he can stay on topic," Dr. Roman said.

         "Go right ahead," Dr. Rex said.

         "There is no evidence for this. How would you even begin to explain um... echo-location for example?" Dr. Roman said.

         "With scientific data of course. Now it's clear we know that bats live on earth in caves and further we know sound is just vibrations. During a long period of change. The bats were bombarded by vibrations from low earthquakes during their growth. They became resilient at absorbing vibrations and then making sense of their surroundings in such conditions! There! My theory of evolutionary shaking!" the man said.
         "You just made that up on the spot!" Dr. Roman said.

         "Please direct a question," the announcer said.

         "Ok, what about something like a platypus? How does that fit in?" Dr. Roman said.
         "You'll have to buy my book for all the details? I can't give everything away for free! Right audience!" Dr. Rex said as they laughed.

         Dr. Rex looked at him like he was a child. "I hear they are giving away candy in the lobby Dr. Roman. Perhaps you should stop there on your way out," Dr. Rex said as they laughed.

         "Urr!" Dr. Roman said as they ended the event. "How dare he make a fool of me!" Dr. Roman said.

         The beautiful woman with massive curves ran up to Dr. Rex. "Oh, Dr. Rex you saved evolution! Please sign my breasts!" she said with a voice of longing. "Well my dear if you come by my room tonight. I don't have a pen on me," he smiled as he looked in her eyes.
         "I'll be there!" she said breathless as she pushed her large breast back in her shirt and took his number in her phone.

         The evolutionists were all abuzz whether it was because they believed Dr. Rex's theory or because someone had finally stood up to Dr. Roman was unknown. Still even the local news caught wind of it!

On channel 77 the news was on.

         "The man calling himself the World's Greatest Evolutionist just made the scientific community stand up and take notice with his radical theories. Some say he is a genius, others say he is mad. We have Dr. Rex on tonight to answer some of evolution's hardest questions!" the handsome anchor said smoothly.

         "Thank you Ben. Good to be here," Dr. Rex answered.

         "Glad to have you. Mythic Evolution theory? I mean isn't plain old evolution enough?" the reporter asked.

         "I think not. There are glaring problems that desperately need answers. And some people have made a living pointing that out. I think everyone is hungering for these answers Ben," Dr. Rex said.

         "And you intend to be the one to answer those questions?" the reporter said.

         "Of course! I shall answer all of evolution's greatest questions! Starting tonight!" Dr. Rex said with a smile. They turned to the screen with the line of callers ringing in.

         "We are taking callers' questions. I look forward to it. Our first caller is Megan," Ben said.

         "Hello, Dr. Rex? I am a huge fan but how can evolution possibly explain people's behaviors? Especially unusual behaviors like those people in the woods doing bestiality on the news last night?" she said.

         "Dr. Rex, I believe she is referring to our documentary last night on Hidden Woodsmen of the screaming jungle," Ben said.
         "Well, Megan, it is simple. I'm glad you brought this up. Some would claim this is proof of evolution making no sense. I think the reverse is true. Another great proof is simple. Sexual activity. What sane man would go after an animal such as in bestiality? These poor fools are not fully chemically evolved and are remembering their genetic past when they were a lower beast hence they see no problem with mating with animals. I call it my theory of Vestigial Instinct! I have even solved this!!! It's an unfortunate problem that must be weeded out with natural selection." Dr. Rex declared.

         "Fascinating!" Ben said.

         "Thank you so much!" Megan said.

         "You can read about it all in my book dear! I have even solved this mystery with evolution!! Hahaha!" Dr. Rex smiled.

         "Well, I am glad to answer all these fan questions but if I may, I actually came to reveal a greater mystery of evolution!!" Dr. Rex told Ben.

         "I think we would be dying to hear it! Exclusive tonight Dr. Rex reveals his latest discovery!" Ben told the camera!

         "I have been bombarded by fan letters and hate mail. The one key mystery that both sides bring up is simple. The creatures who failed to evolve. This so-called "evolutionary stasis" or failure of evolution. I can't understand why people get so confused about such a simple subject," Dr. Rex said.

         "Wait a minute? Are you going to solve the mystery of evolutionary stasis right here tonight!?" Ben asked to draw out suspense.

         "Yes!!! When a person is in considerable trauma his body goes into deep physical shock! Why do we assume this is on individual basis? Horseshoe crab is typically found in water. It is my hypothesis that an entire population was sent into shock simultaneously!!!!" Dr. Rex said.

         "But how?!" Ben asked.

         "Lightning! A bolt of lightning struck the water sending just enough power to shock all the crab's population. Leaving them unable to evolve!! The so-called "evolutionary stasis" is now destroyed! I present the Theory of Evolutionary Shock! Or "I forgot to evolve" theory! I have solved another mystery of evolution! Hahahaha!" Dr. Rex laughed as they cheered.

         "Of course. It is not limited to lightning. The shock could be brought on by intense colds nearly killing the populations. Frost Shock. Or even toxins from poisonous creatures being leaked into water causing just enough damage to shock a group of creatures. Perhaps even the electric eel could cause sufficient shocks. I go into much greater depth in my book," Dr. Rex informed.

         The news show was a hit as Dr. Rex continued his work.
Later, Dr. Rex even went on a media tour. But still, they would not listen to reason. He sat at one venue listening to the foolish questions.

         "But how can that be proof of evolution?" one man asked.

         "Simple! Just look up sales of bananas for yourself man!" Dr. Rex said.

         "What about your evolutionary shock theory Dr? How can science prove or falsify such a thing?" another asked.

         "Isn't it obvious man? Must I do everything myself? Get any animal in the world. Submit it to careful measured shock then watch it not evolve! It will never evolve after that! It doesn't matter how long you wait the animal will never turn into another and remain! To falsify you would just show a shocked population evolving! So of course my theory stands! I defy you to shock any animal and see it shall not evolve! Hence Theory of Evolutionary Shock! Do you deny it!? I thought not!" Dr. Rex explained to the fool.

         "Fascinating," he said in awe as he sat back down where he belonged.

         "What about mythic evolution? How can we possibly falsify that?" another said.
         "Isn't it obvious? Can't you tell a Centaur is human-like? Find a centaur that isn't! Simple!" he sighed as he moved on to the lecture.

         "Now, I shall reveal Ultra Horse Evolution replacing that old false horse evolution chain! Behold!" he revealed the image and they applauded! The sea horse coming on land and gradually becoming a land horse!

         A man stood up at his lecture.
         "It's a damn lie! You have no evidence!" he shouted.

         "How dare you! Spoken like a true ape! Get him out of here!" Dr. Rex said.
         "Ape's don't talk! Why are you laughing?" the man said as they dragged him out and roughed him up. At that instant, Dr. Rex knew what he had to do.

         At his manor, the long-legged woman disrobed for him. "Not now! I must focus!" he said. "You are soo brilliant. Please come to bed soon," she urged as she crawled off.

         "What must I do!" he thought! His mind raced back and forth.



         As the nearly naked beauty lay in his bed the window open to the sky, his mind raced. How could he show the dramatic change of evolution and prove his genius to the most adamant deniers and to the world!

         A beautiful butterfly flow in out the night air and passed his eye. "A butterfly?" he thought. He saw it fly and rest on the woman's large breast in front of him. She laughed as it flew off unharmed. He knew then.

         Only his incredible focus could accomplish all this. "Yes! Focus! Hahah! It's soo simple!" the world's greatest evolutionist said at last! And he knew he was the greatest now! "Come!" he ordered the woman now ready for love.

         Weeks later.
         He was going on a national news show. He promised the newswoman an exclusive if she... "studied" his work one night. And she happily agreed.

         "You've solved every mystery of evolution. How do you deal with scoffers to your great work sir?" she asked.
         "Well, it's obvious. The poor fools must be given more proof. And I alone shall provide it once and for all!!!!" he declared suddenly!

         "But how Dr. Rex? It's not like we can see evolution?" she said with pink lips as she pressed her leg to his.

         "That my dear, is exactly my point! I shall give them all the "proof" they so desperately demand! In order to progress science I must test this hypothesis. And there's only one way to do it! I will de-evolve and turn myself back into an ape! Once I do this, I shall be the Supreme Scientist, the World's Greatest Evolutionist! It must be done for science! Although I lament having to live as an ape!" Dr. Rex declared to the world.

         She gasped in wonder! The phones rang in. She was breathless and didn't know what to say.

         "Yes, then there will be no doubt that evolution is real and proven at last!!! I alone can accomplish this with my superior will! Then the world shall see my experiment of evolutionary reversal!!!" Dr. Rex declared.

         He took her hands. "Catch your breath. It's alright. We've made history tonight," he told her. She shook back to her senses.

         "Why has no one done this before, sir? I mean you make it seem so obvious?" the lady reporter asked as she put her hand on his knee and squeezed slightly.

         "Well my dear, it is quite simple. They are cowards! In their heart of hearts, they believe in transperm theory or whatever alien nonsense they spout! They are afraid evolution is false. There is not one real evolutionist in all the world! That is why this test falls to the only real man in the scientific community!" he smiled as he gripped her hand back tightly.

         "Mmm. So brave. If you need anything from me- uh- or the network, let us know. We are with you 100 percent Supreme Evolutionist," she said as she looked at him deeply.

         "Don't worry. I shall put you, your offer I mean, to good use! We have to work together for mankind's future," he smiled.

         "That's it for tonight. Our thanks to the World's Greatest Evolutionist for joining us tonight. We hope to see him again soon," she smiled.
         The world erupted in awe and ridicule and confusion! There seemed to be so many questions! How could this be?! The man watching television put the gun down from his suicidal head. "I have to see that!" he said as he stood. "I want to live!!!" he screamed at last.

         Women poured into the evolutionist's life as they answered his ad of "last love before ape life". They all sought their time with him in spotlight. And he spoiled them incessantly.

         The final interview came as he announced that he would be selling tickets to the exposition so that his work would live on without him in a trust!

         The reporter looked seriously in his eyes. "Are you scared?" the reporter asked him seriously.

         "I am not! I am going to save evolution!" the World's Greatest Evolutionist said boldly.
         "But are you prepared to live as an ape?" the reporter said sadly.

         "It will be difficult. But I've already found a great home for myself with a couple of beautiful animal rights women. They offered their home to me. It will be difficult. But all is set even the catalyst." he said.

         "You said catalyst? How are you going to trigger this change?" the reporter said with held breath.

         "Well it's obvious, isn't it? I intend to be injected with an immense amount of ape semen. The very essence of ape life. This will initiate my evolutionary past and combine with my willpower affecting physical matter creating incredible transformation not unlike a caterpillar turning into a butterfly!" he said simply.
The room whirled in awe.

         "My gosh! He's a genius!" the evolutionists said.
         "Of course! It's soo simple!" the young college man said in surprise!

         "Fascinating! I don't know what to say!" the reporter gasped!
         "Of course! I alone can accomplish this with my perfect intellect!" he said as they cheered.

         "Yes!" a woman screamed out in pleasure.
         "Well you certainly know how to get a crowd riled up!" the reporter said as he looked toward the woman.

         "That's enough talk. I must prepare for tonight!" he said as he rose and began signing autographs and kissing women!?
         Elsewhere.
         The Stage was set with a large machine meant to inject the "catalyst" and electrify the appropriate cells generating the energy needed to transform bone. Two steel handles were on the device for the Supreme Scientific Mind to hold. The room was large and well-lit with a large number of seats for observation. All televised to the immense stadium beyond. Tickets were selling at incredibly high prices and still sold out in advance! After all, this was Science!!!

         The recording turned on as Dr. Rex was ready to begin. The crowd had filled their seats all around the stage.

         "The Scientific community has formulated a radical theory called evolution. In order to progress science I must test this hypothesis. And there's only one way to do it! I will de-evolve and turn myself back into an ape! Once I do this, I shall be the Supreme Scientist, the World's Greatest Evolutionist! It must be done for science! Although I lament having to live as an ape." the World's Greatest Evolutionist said as he stood up.
         The device rose on top of the stage as he flipped the power switches. "Evolution power activate!" he said as his mind raced with advanced math and genetics that a normal man could not begin to comprehend! It would be like trying to explain a nuclear power plant to an ant. He had processed and memorized his own genome and that of a chimp's as well. His mind processing more than any supercomputer.

         The crowd roared as they saw him take his place in the center of the stage and take the steel handles. He pointed to his lab assistants all around him.

         "Step back! If I de-evolve too much into a T-rex then you will have to run! The preparations are complete. I pray this experiment is not my last will and testament! Begin!" he declared to the awe of the spectators. Reporters, skeptics, scientists from all over came to this incredible demonstration!!! Some people in the crowd could not contain their excitement as they began to do lewd acts!!!???

         The scientists were taking notes as people gasped. Sweat poured over the crowd as they watched his eyes focus. It was beginning!
         "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he screamed with all his power! Not of fear but force! His muscles tensed and flexed like steel!!

         As the sweat poured, the precise charge ran through his cells providing enough power to change bone! His body shook as if it was about to burst open!

         "Now!" the assistant said as he initiated the "catalyst". The injections went into his back.
         In his eyes he imagined an ape screaming! Or was it him?

         "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH" he screamed with even more shaking! The people shook in fear at the awe of this ... man!

         "He's changing!" the people screamed in fear. His shirt burst open! His arm's sleeve ripped off as if growing or was it just the charge tearing through it?

         "He's going to do it!" one evolutionist said in awe.
         "Yess!" a woman screamed in sexual pleasure at his power.
         "NO! He can't! Please no!" a man said in fear of evolution.

         The World's Greatest Evolutionist opened his mouth to scream! Blood came from his eyes as his body shook!
         He screamed but no sound came out!!!! The audience was paralyzed! Sweat poured as they were open-mouthed, unable to exhale!

         Suddenly, hopes and fears mingled as the hairy arms burst fire! "Don't stop it! Almost there!" Dr. Rex screamed. The people could see him changing or burning?

         Flames burst all over the doctor's body as the people screamed in horror! "NOOOOOO!" Dr. Rex screamed as his body seared. Flames shot over his entire body! Everyone was paralyzed as his body shook covered in the flames and electricity shooting into the air.

         Finally, the screaming stopped and the crowd was in shocked silence. One man stood to get closer to the blackened bones! "He's dead!" the man said. The silence ended.

         "Evolution is dead! Evolution has failed!" the other man said as he stood. The evolutionists were paralyzed in despair.
         "Do you see?" the man said.

         "NO! Evolution did not fail! Can't you see his bones? These are ape bones!" the evolutionist said in denial.

         "What are you talking about? We saw him! Man bones!" the large man said back in shock.

         "NOO!" the evolutionists roared. The crowd was going mad, arguing about bones!

         "My gosh! They've gone mad! We have to get out of here!" the reporter said as they shoved a lady to the ground! The crowd was raging and fighting each other!

         It was a rough riot but finally things calmed. The next night, all news networks had but one topic. Finally, the round table debate would settle it. Women sobbed in the audience as the greatest experts and eye witnesses met to finally determine what happened that night!

         "Evolution didn't fail!!!!" the man screamed. "We all saw it! What more do you want?" the scientist said.
         "Maybe you just don't understand evolution!!" he screamed. "Maybe you don't! It's over!" the scientist silenced him.

         They pointed at a picture of the charred bones. "This is an ape skeleton!" the evolutionist declared in denial.
         "It's human! We saw him burn!" the other man shouted. They were arguing and pushing each other in a rage! The religious group sighed in relief in the audience. It was clear it was over at last. No one really thought those were ape bones, did they?

         "Finally, I guess it's time to accept the truth," the evolutionist admitted.
         "Finally!" the religious group said.
         "Aliens must have seeded life here!" the evolutionist shouted!
         "What the?!" the religious men screamed.
         "That's it!" the scientist said in agreement!

         "Those are definitely ape-bones," the blogger thought as he typed up his opinion.

         "Now, we just have to make up- ugh- find some evidence!" the evolutionists shouted.
         "Wait, wait guys! You know there's something wrong with your logic. I mean you must know the truth is that in the beginning-" he said.
         "Shut that man up dammit!!!!!" the evolutionist spat as the network went blank.

R.I.P. World's Greatest Evolutionist. To this day no man dares to try to take that title from him.

The World's Greatest Evolutionist's theories.
"Where do I pick up my prize?"

         1. Theory of Evolutionary Flavor- Apes love bananas, humans love bananas! This remembrance is from their native habitat. That is why bananas still sell out in many areas today. Some eat bugs or frog legs remembering their evolutionary diet from longer ago. However, more study is needed in those areas. F=E/Habitat*Chance*Time

         2. Mythic Evolution! Theory states that evolution explains living creatures sightings in cryptozoology. Such as Centaur and Golem. Also includes statement that rocks can evolve. A small leap from thinking rocks could encode their own information. And relies upon Ultimate Realization Evolution as driving force.

         3. Key to mythic evolution is Ultimate Realization Evolution theory. Theory that states evoltuion seeks ultimate form of man in all animal families. Key to mythic evolution. Replaces natural selection to a large degree as the driving force of evolution. Moreover, explains why evolution would result in creatures that are human like although still part animal. And explains why evolution has stopped now. U=(E*T*L*C/Environment)*Information.

         4. Vibrational Evolution theory or evolutionary shaking. This theory explains echo-location via evolution. The caves made for poor nurseries causing many creatures to die but the one that could withstand such shakings developed a new way to make sense of surroundings. Hence bat's echo location! EL= E*V*T

         5. Theory of Vestigial Instinct. - This theory explains bestiality via evolution. The poor fools remember on some instinctual level their existence as a lesser beast therefore they see no problem with such acts. This will be weeded out over time.

         6. Evolutionary Shock theory or Theory of "I forgot to evolve". This explains the so-called failure of evolution of certain fossils that never evolved or "evolutionary stasis". Here we see, entire populations must've been shocked via water or mud leaving some creatures in period of shock. Via cold or lightning or toxins. S=E*0.

         7. Evolutionary Reversal Process! - Experiment to prove evolution for any who have the will and science! A superior man of powerful will forces his DNA to regress using a catalyst of electrical surplus to help energy needs. And as DNA catalyst for the regression is purified ape semen injected while focusing. Do not attempt!

End.