I'm Fine

"Your Honest Friend" is a blog I write anonymously on my own site (yourhonestfriend.blog) as well as here so that I can express my emotions, advice, past experiences, and current events. I do this anonymously so that I can feel free to write about things that my close friends and family could read and relate to but still keep my life private. I hope you enjoy my life stories!


Dear Diary,

I'd like to say I'm at the prime of my life. I'm 24, single, no kids and ready to make some memories. I go out a lot with friends and I make stupid choices like most girls in their 20's. However, I am also at the lowest point in my life. I'm someone who has dealt with severe depression since I was 10. I have had about 8 inpatient hospitalizations and I have had two overdoses as well as one other suicide attempt. Every time I hit a point in my life where I am "happy" so to speak. I always seem to find a way to make myself unhappy. I kind of feel like that's a comfort for me because that is the way I don't let myself down again when others break my trust or hurt me in other ways. I have a job that pays the bills and that I enjoy but I always feel like something is missing. Do you ever feel a hole in your heart but can't place why you feel that way?

I thought I was in love once. But I think it was more so an infatuation. I loved the idea of being in love that I gave up everything about who I was just to be with this person. I stopped hanging out with friends, I stopped doing things I enjoyed, I was never even really at my house long enough to unpack my room because we started being together a couple days after I moved in. He was charming and very attractive. He had a way with words, and he noticed me. That's really all it took. I don't really do well in relationships, I just can never seem to fully commit or trust my significant other so now that I'm older, I don't think it's fair to think that every new person will be different.

I have two siblings and a mom. I live with my mom and brother and my sister is married and in the Navy with her husband. She's stationed on the other side of the country and is currently pregnant with the first baby out of us three kids. She is my best friend but I haven't seen her in 4 years unfortunately. My brother and I have grown up together and only became really close after my sister moved away. I try to have "girl talk" with him every time I need advice but he doesn't do my sister justice most of the time haha. He does help me see things from different perspectives though which I've always appreciated that about him. My mom is my best friend and had us all when she was pretty young, so she is great at letting me live my life and make mistakes while also being there to pick up the pieces when I fall apart.

I want to use this page to tell my stories and how I've grown from all my experiences. I want to be able to connect with people through my writing and hopefully help others to see that making mistakes is apart of growing up and how you mature into who you are today or even who you want to become.

Your Honest Friend