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Rated: GC · Lyrics · Personal · #2293101
Still not afraid. Fuck you death, I took your scythe! 5 times you tried to take my life.
**Here's something I wrote on my phone this evening. I also wrote 10 pages of verse in my Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid book and a little bit on Instagram, if you're interested, have a look:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CqWiBEUvjed/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Some may say I'm wasting my life away, just laying around and writing for most of the day.
But fuck those dudes, they couldn't fit my fucking shoes. Literally, lol!
Not sure what other people do on their days off from work, but I like to write and communicate.
I like to converse and I like to create.
It's my outlet for all the shit I've gone through and all the crazy things I see and hear too.

**Final note about this little rap: maybe this is all still in "draft" format / but most of what I post is exactly that / I'm not polished, I'm no gem / I'm just an old fucking lady who knows how to use a pen / Don't need no fucking speak and spell / Got endless depths to my dark inkwell / The craft is my familiar friend / & that's for real, no fucking pretend / Dr Seuss and Mother Goose / my literary parents taught me the rebel yell / The musical masters and lyrical crafters / still keep me sane and ring my bell, as I continue along my journey through hell.**I initially created this bit as a reply after listening to some music on a post I came across while scrolling along my Instagram feed:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqYyhMagTDK/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I edited it a bit when I decided to add it to my poetry/lyrics/whatever you want to call it here, where I have slowly been transcribing all the stuff I write on paper notes

<The Reaper>
/: there's no need to fear it /:

The curtains have been drawn and night descends again
Making the voices in my head echo even louder than my friend
The demons can't escape so I guess I gotta fight
But it's so god damn Eazy, all I gotta do is shine some light
See the crazy little punks they be fighting for their rights
Not tryna steal no cars, they just be skatin' for their lives
Looks like these shady demons might be pretty fucking cool
Didn't need to study the shit they teach 'em at those fancy schools

Shadows dull the sounds but they resound forevermore
Reminding me my death's at hand—welcome to the corps
I try to stay awake so the haunting can't begin
But I can't escape the drumbeat, I think it's coming from within
It's roaring in the background now, wants me to pull the pin
Why won't it leave what have I done? Is everything a sin?

"No! There's no escaping here! 1 Fuck! Where's the bloody door?
My memories are left behind. A mess upon the floor
For you to crush to pieces. Just leave me fuckin' poor!

They shall not wake, we won't forsake
This place—You stole from me
It's caving in, it's closing in
Soon I will be free

One last caress before I die. Before I leave this place

Nah, fuck you ya stupid prick, Imma shoot you in the face
I can finally forget the one I met so many years ago
I buried him in a concrete grave and drowned him in the great below

If all of this's been done before
All the stories, all the lore
Why should I bother anymore?
Maybe because it's true to what is deep inside my core

All these thoughts that I still ponder
While I continue along my way and wander
The wastelands of this commonwealth
This London Dungeon, this British Hell 2
If I should up and disappear
Maybe I find a new career
'Cause there's no one here who wants to hear
Me yell:
I will not submit to this Islamic hell
And there's no one here I wanna get near
It's newlyweds and nearly deads
The rest are kids and government talking heads
They all busy living their lives
Heads in the sand, they swallowed the D.I.E. 3

I know I'm not a chosen one
I'm just a person of the sun
Don't even own a fuckin gun!
But I sure do got a nice little knife
Made sure it's sharp and cuts real nice
I tested out the blade myself
Made a few slices in the palm of my hand4
Alone in my room,
Livin' on our oh so SPECIAL5 commonwealth land
And I didn't feel a fuckin' thing
Guess I must have too much Yin
That's how I know my knife is good and sharp
Good enough to stab myself in the heart
I hope it never comes to that
But I ain't scared about my pact
'Cause I'm a fucking army brat!

I'm not afraid to be with a life that is ending
I've seen it up close many times already
I know what it means when pulses get thready
And I'm well aware how to keep mine steady
See I've already stared at my death in the face
First time was in Beacon Hill Park with my mom6 (paragraph 12)
5 years old at the edge of the pond when I fell
At that time I didn't know how to swim
Heard a voice yell at me to keep on tryin'
I passed out underwater, dragged down deep below
Woke up bein' carried over a stranger's shoulder yo

Next my ex tried to kill me, wanted to slash my wrists and neck7
Wanted to kill me while he raped me, I was trashed, he just wanted "sex"

Then one time at the video store
Some asshole came through our front door
Stuck a fuckin' gun right up in my face
Told me to give him all the cash
And I just wanted to fight him in that space
But I was stuck behind a counter wasn't sure his gun was real
Wasn't sure how fast that I could jump over the fuckin barrier

Could I outrun the speed of his finger on the trigger?
Couldn't guarantee it so I opened up my register
The stupid muthafucka was impatient and annoyed
I took out all the bills and then a handful of the coins
I kept my eyes on the counter cause I didn't want to stare
Didn't want to give him a cause to kill me then and there
When I gave him all the toonies he told me with a muffled voice
"I don't need the change" and then he ran out of the place
Cowardly piece of shit with a bandana across his face

Then one night i got flung off the back of a motorbike
Flew over a car, bounced off the ground,
Rolled a few feet, didn't make a damn sound
No injuries incurred, got up the next day and I went to work

Then my ex husband tried to run me over
In the parking lot at Mckenzie and Borden
Was supposed to go to a counseling session
He got so angry, wanted to teach me a lesson
That's one thing he won't be confessin'

I tried to tell the lady, but it seemed she'd picked his side
First time I think we saw her, guess she believed his fuckin lies
He's really good at acting, his friends call him Eddie Haskell
Always stirs up shit and then blames others for his disasters
Claims the moral high ground, always the innocent one
He's just joking, it's all harmless, he's just having a little fun

Except it isn't funny when you isolate your wife
Don't let her have enjoyment and fuck over her life
Spy on her and listen in when she playing video games
No fucking trust for her while you were watching porn
And banging other women from the very fucking beginning.
Strip bar on the weekends, enjoyin' the private dances,
Grabbin' titties, spanking asses,
Had to pay them money 'cause you'd never have no chances

I feel really bad for all those poor fuckin women
Havin to get close to that crooked dick you slingin
And who knows what the fuck you did on all those motorcycle trips.

Stupid fucking ugly old man,
you'll never fucking understand
You think you know everything about this land?
You can't even fucking spell Iran
Silly Harley Davidson rider,
Posing as a hard core biker
Now let's be very fucking clear,
Let's tell ya who ya messin with here
I'm a proper lady and I only like real men
Who know how to properly handle a pen
Write their thoughts out on notepads

Wear their hearts on their sleeves
Express themselves coherently
Capable of having a real conversation
Understands and follows international relations
Follows the shit goin' on in politics and songs
Knows how to find out what's happenin' underground
Doesn't need to follow along with the popular crowd
Isn't afraid to stand up and say
What they truly think and feel out loud
Able to talk about more than their bone
Doesn't fuck around and chat up the chicks on their stupid mobile phone
Must have the skills to pay the bills and take care of themselves alone
Able to handle their own business and got the will to fuckin' survive.

One last thing I got to yell, living on the streets wasn't always hell
I met cool people, got all sorts of stories to tell,
But I know that I'll never sell, no one gonna ring my bell
I don't fit in, I'm just a misfit tryin my best to keep on livin'
In this digital landscape insanity, this worldwide wasteland full of brutality
Fuck this reality, I'm lettin' out all of the rage that's inside of me
Keep on fightin' the powers that be, keep doin' what I do 'cause I know that freedom isn't free
And I got no fuckin' interest in scorin' any worthless trophies
Not sellin' my soul for Grammies, never steppin' on my homies
That's simply not how this chick vibes, I'm not looking for no free fuckin' ride
Just hoping to make a little change while I sharing my life online
Maybe someone can learn from me, feel like they don't have to hide
All of their pain, so deep inside
So Imma keep on doing what I do and writing my way
'Cause I still have lots that I need to say
I create what I do to express how I'm feeling
My posts are related to the reality I'm seeing
Helps me hold onto hope that life can have meaning

<Stupid fucking little girl, better to keep all that shit inside, no one cares about your life>

Silly little rabbit puppet, I'll slice you up like Lorena Bobbitt
Hahaha, just kidding... maybe, I guess
Hey there, ya know, everyone knows that Trix are for kids
And the East Vancouver streets knows that I never pulled no tricks,
I was just a hard-workin' little squeegee kid89
And I'm still trying to make my own fuckin' way
I refuse to bow to the government showcase
And I refuse to kneel to the corporate game
I am not the next contestant on the Price is Right
I'm just a real woman who continues to fight
For the right to speak freely and live my life

Footnotes
1  https://youtu.be/dH1QmfQnWbg?si=gG-3sV-5d0T7jGKF
2  https://youtu.be/JrvHzIJ6zx8?si=D1Vva683G-_GMx2N
3  https://www.gadsaad.com/post/diversity-inclusion-and-equity-die-and-the-death-of...
4  https://www.instagram.com/p/CpgyQ1WLChN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
5  https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Fallout_SPECIAL
6  https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1040940-Background-Information
7  https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1041128-A-Jacket-Saved-My-Life
8  https://flic.kr/p/2o1CmqP
9  https://flic.kr/p/2o6Gcyp

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