Confessional (ALT title: Deep Thoughts)

I bought a pack of cigarettes in December. It took me a little over a month to smoke the pack. (There are 20 cigarettes in a pack)
Then, I bought a different brand in February. It took me over a month to smoke the pack.
I just recently bought a different brand of cigarettes last week. I have smoked 3 cigarettes. I am not sure if I will finish the pack and I am not sure how long it will take if I do.
Am I an addict in relapse? I do not believe I am.

I wonder what the 12 step programs would tell me, lol!
I know they benefit some people, and that's great, but they are certainly not something I have ever thought was useful. Making amends and all sorts of weird bullshit. Very based in Christianity. One of my cousins tried to "help" me with introducing me to the "program". I am not sure why he thought I needed this type of "help". I wasn't even smoking weed. Just consuming caffeine. Perhaps he thought that required an intervention. Anyhow, I found the whole "program" to be especially amusing. I was unable to "comply" and accept their "rules and regulations" and thus, could not "benefit" from their "life-changing program".

I don't know, dude:
They think you're a "failure" if you smoke weed, yet many of their members smoke cigarettes and drink coffee. They all full of addictions. Some of them I think are even addicted to the 12 step program itself, lol!
12 step program stuff feels more like a cult than anything else to me. Just my humble opinion...

And what kind of fucking program starts by forcing you to "admit" that you are "powerless" over your addiction? It's just like how Christianity starts off by forcing you to "admit" that you are a fucking sinner. Gotta get down on your knees and admit that you are innately an awful evil human being who has committed all sorts of "crimes" just for the mere fact that you were born into this world. As soon as you are past the birth canal, you are officially a sinner, lol! No goodness can ever be found within you unless you submit to God and beg the Lord Jesus for forgiveness.

Well, I got a message to all of you addicts out there, you are not powerless! You all have power within you. Sometimes, it's just hard to find and grasp onto that power, but believe me, it's fucking there!!! Every day you wake up is another chance for you to try. Every time you "succumb" to your "addiction" doesn't mean that you are "weak". Maybe you just had a bad day. Maybe you just really needed the Pepsi that day, lol! Just get up and try again. Game over, fuck that. Plug another quarter into that machine, press the restart on the Nintendo box. Whatever. Sometimes it's just really dark and you gotta get through the day. Just don't kill anyone, especially yourself.