Trauma and Positivity

Full disclosure. I am not a psychiatrist but was diagnosed with Mild Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have written this essay in order to hopefully give voice to others. Being stigmatized is not what we want, that is why we dismiss our emotions. This essay is personally written with the mindset of reaching out to others with similar back stories.

What other people do not understand is that trauma is not easily seen and not be validated by others. Rather, it is an emotion felt by an individual. Let that alone be enough as a justification.

Now, to begin with. Let us first look at one of the definitions of "trauma". The website, "Trauma-Informed Care" defines "trauma" as, a pervasive problem. It results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being. The word "pervasive" has many synonyms in the dictionary, such as, "Pervading, permeating, penetrating or affecting everything. ubiquitous. pervading. prevalent. widespread."

By reading carefully the definition, the key elements of trauma are as follows:
1. Exposure to an incident or series of events.
2. Such incident or series of events are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening.
3. It has lasting adverse effects.

Let us note that in this definition, it does not require other people see the effects of trauma written on the face of the individual.

Now, let us go further with the definition. First is the exposure to an incident, now this may vary from one individual to another individual. Next is that such incident is considered emotionally disturbing or life-threatening. This is the most sensitive part. The reason is that two individuals can be exposed to the same incident, however only one may be affected. Let us take for example, person A and person B. Both of them have witnessed the same incident. Let us say, failing an exam in law school. However, only person A perceives failing an exam in law school as emotionally disturbing of life-threatening. The reason is that A is afraid of disappointing his parents. As whereas to B, such incident is a challenge to do better in the next test. As days pass by, A is no longer spending so much time with friends and rather studies with the mindset of blaming himself for making so many mistakes. As to B, he also spends so much time studying, however, his mindset is to study in order not to be better in his next exam.

By carefully studying the situation, we could see that A is traumatized. Why?
First, A was exposed to an incident which is failing a test. Second, by failing an exam, A is emotionally disturbed. Leading to an adverse effect. That is studying so much with the mindset of blaming himself for making so many mistakes. Instead of studying in order to do better in his next exam. This might not be seen physically but A is still considered as being traumatized because of such incident. This might look minimal to others but it has an adverse effect to A.

Again, small things might traumatize any individual.

Now, what happens after being traumatized and being diagnosed? The individual has the option of either reliving the same scenarios or choosing to hold themselves accountable and forgive themselves to "heal". Again, this is not written in order to shame others. When I was traumatized, I needed to stay in the same scenario and environment for three years, because I thought that I have no option but I was wrong and so I chose to hold myself accountable and forgive myself in order to heal.

Others may stay in the same environment because they do think that getting help is hopeless.
I know that it is easier said than done. But others just like me are tired, and that is why we choose to heal out of desperation to save ourselves.

Truth is, healing is a very messy process. Just as much as being traumatized.
Suppose that you were also traumatized and choose to save ourselves, how do we know if we are healing?
The website "Liberation Healing Seattle" provides six common signs that we are healing from trauma. To wit:

1. You Begin Feeling Your Emotions (Rather Than Minimizing Them). This means that the individual is allowing to feel the negative and positive emotions. Instead of dismissing negative emotions and worrying if good things happen. In my situation, I allow myself to cry for hours instead of distracting myself in order not to feel this negative emotions. Personally, by allowing myself to cry for hours, I feel more energized and refreshed after crying.

2. Practicing Living Mindfully (Rather Than Mindlessly). Rather than doing things to distract, numb, or keep busy, you start from a place of intention and value. How I interpret this scenario, is that the individual is being more aware of their actions and the consequences. That is, sometimes instead of doing an action because of the sadness that we feel, we accept this emotion with the thought that this too should pass. In my situation, I practice living mindfully by taking small steps at a time and listening to my body. When I feel too tired or sad, I allow to feel this emotions and by doing things in a moderate manner. In order not to exhaust myself. Sometimes by not stressing nor forcing things too much, I begin practicing living mindfully.

3. Your Body Releases Tension & Trauma. You understand somatization: that some of your physical symptoms are a result of mental health or psychological issues (e.g. trauma, depression, anxiety). How I understand this, is that instead of feeling guilty for feeling sick, you understand that your sickness is trauma related. By understanding such a thing, the frequency of being sick is being minimalized. Well for me, that is the secret and that is the consequence why, I no longer get sick every time I feel so much stress. My body quickly reacts to stress and I automatically can soothe myself by taking deep breaths and by being mentally aware not to react, in order to save my energy.

4. You Reach Out More For Support & Ask For Help (Rather Than Isolating). You slowly allow more people into your emotional inner life (your walls starts falling down). You begin asking for your needs and wants (rather than assuming others can read your mind). You begin understanding your needs and wants (rather than focusing on others’ needs and wants). Having difficult communications becomes easier because you honor your needs and wants. Thus allowing yourself to ask for help from others. Having your family and most trusted friends by your side in order to support and hear you is very much important.

5. You Stop Reacting Less (And Start Reflecting More). You learn how to differentiate between danger, safety, and trust (especially in your body, rather than just relying on your brain/head/logic all the time). You begin learning to live in the moment (rather than the past or the future; you begin slowing down and enjoying the little things). That gut feeling that you have which always stays with you no matter what you do? Trust it, you do not need to justify it to others. Let that be your safety net in order to protect yourself.

6. You Start Grieving For What You Never Had. Because you allow yourself to feel and emote more, you are able to understand the concept of the inner child. You begin to tap into your inner child and wonder what they desperately crave and desire and since others may be unable or unwilling to give them to you, you begin the process of re-parenting your inner child. This is the strangest one for me personally, because I "suddenly" burst into tears or anger. I do consider myself as someone who is very calm or tries to logic things out.

Conclusion is that, healing is a personal choice. You cannot tell it to everyone and force them to. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes the best thing to do is to release them. In order for them to fix things on their own, let them be held accountable for their actions instead of defending them. What they feel is valid but not all of their actions are valid.

Thoughts?