Envy

This dance we do
The steps and the twirls
The hands on the waist, and the eye contact?
Everything about it stays the same.
The music doesn’t change.
The steps are the same.
Left, right, left right.
Our eyes meet on the crescendo, just like they always do.
Our feet fall in sync, moving to the rhythm of this dance we’ve been doing for so long.
For too long.
An unbearable amount of time.
We’ve done this dance so many times in the past year that I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
My heart beat pulses,
My face flushes,
My hopes get so high
The stars start to shine and the music builds up and I’m smiling and I can feel the excitement pulse through my veins.
I’m over the moon is an understatement.
In this particular scenario, I’m dancing with the stars.
These same stars that appear in my eyes.
My eyes shining with the buzz of happiness.
All these emotions rush from my heart to my head to my arms to my legs.
I’m so excited.
My day was made
And I’m ready to say what I’ve always wanted to sa-
Gone.
All those emotions, all the feelings I was feeling.
The happiness, excitement, the warm feeling inside of actually being wanted?
They disappear as if they were never there because the second she walks into the room your whole world is ignited.
Your eyes are shining with the buzz of happiness.
Your heart is racing and your face is flushing and you’re dancing with the comets and your hopes are high and your day was made.
Because of her.
All these things I was feeling?
You’re feeling them.
The music suddenly stops.
The dance is over.
The crescendo we were building to was interrupted by the stars in your eyes and the drumming beat of your heart.
All there is left are your steps to her as you two do your own dance.
A new dance.
One I envy.
And envy
Is not
A good color
On me.