A young man is heavily weighed down by having to step in the shoes of his parents |
Hey dear, I am a first born Hey dear, I am a first born And not just a first born, but a first born in an orphaned family Everybody that is left looks up to me Not only my parents' children, but also my parents' parents I have a people that depend on me So please, don't break me Please don't break me Don't hurt me, don't make me cry For the only shoulders I have to cry on are mine And when I do, nobody wipes my tears Some roll into my mouth and remind me of how salty life can be While some dry on my chicks just like my hopes did Yes, I had dreams, I had plans, I had hopes I had a near-perfect outline of my future Now all I have are wishes, and a never-ending hopelessness But that is not excuse enough for those who hope in me I have to make them see the bright side I have to give them smiles that I don't have I make them smile, then go cry myself to sleep Your pillow could be full of sweat, but mine is full of tears If it could talk, my pillow could tell my story It has seen me slowly take up the challenge Handling one day at a time being a parent A role that I never thought I'd assume at a such an early age An age that I should be focused on chasing my dreams And be free to settle where my career leads me Not where they go to school And save as much money as possible For my business, for my master's degree Not pay school fees and hospital bills I pray, I pray, I pray, and cry while at it God, if it is your will, take this cup away from me But no answers are forthcoming Maybe it is not His will, or my prayers don't reach him Because unlike your prayers, Mine are not backed up by the prayers of my mother If she was here, she would pray on my behalf She would ask God to guide me, She would help me find an opportunity She would teach me to be a good boy She would encourage me to pursue my dreams She would teach me to relate with y'all Maybe I can't make friends because of that Maybe you think I am weird, but no One time I was a normal child, with parents and friends I changed to cope, I changed to adapt And would you believe me if I said I didn't notice me changing? I just found myself this way Zombie-ing my emotions, and killing my feelings "Nobody would get it," I said to myself And truly, even those with similar problems don't I have been deserted when I least expect I have given my all and got nothing back I am the somebody who's got my own back Multiple times I have lost the will to live Uncountable times I have lost the desire to fight But here I am, pushing little by little Hoping that one day, however far It will happen as I have always desired |