Hard Decision

506 Words


         My mother never let a day go by without saying "I Love You". She expressed how good of a job I did taking care of her. She would shake her finger at me saying, "Anna, don't you ever let anyone tell you that you never took good care of me, because you did." When she said those words to me, I felt pretty special. I kept reminding myself that I did a good job, even when family members didn't think so.

She lost a lot of blood. I had to make a hard decision whether or not to prolong my mother's life. The hospitalist told me that he could've prolonged her life by giving her a blood transfusion, but she would've had chest spasms that would've been painful for her. In words that I could understand, he explained all the options to me. I decided to let her go. The hospitalist told me that she died peacefully in her sleep. I could tell that my relatives didn't believe me. It was a hard decision for me to make. The hospitalist said that he could explain to them what happened, but I didn't think that it would've been necessary. I
didn't think that there would be such a problem.

         My friend and I were able to have a fun time with my mother before she passed away. My mother never would have wanted to suffer from a lot of pain. Because of everything that she said to me, it helped me to accept her death better than I would've otherwise. My mother and I were very close. Due to having a mental disability, my relatives didn't think that I would amount to anything because I couldn't work. The medications I was on blocked the creative side of my brain, therefore I became very tired; I felt like a zombie. It was frustrating to me because I loved to write, but, unfortunately, putting words together was difficult. This went on for thirty-two years; It was miserable.

         My mother had a lot of strength. She was very helpful to me. I cried many times Since I was often told that doing things for other people would make me feel better, I cried many times because it didn't happen. The medications would help some, but they made me feel depressed. When I complained to the doctor about feeling depressed, it didn't do any good; he just prescribed more pills.

         When a good friend of mine asked if I ever tried Abilify, it was like a miracle had happened in my life. This was one of the newer drugs that came out at the time. Normally I would've had to wait four to six weeks before the medications would begin to work. I noticed a huge difference immediately. I was able to write again; I felt like I was a teenager again. My problems began after I witnessed the aftermath of a murder. It still affects me to this day.


Written by Anna Marie Carlson
Preferred Author
September 2023