18th November, 2023- I am trying to write again |
Where have you gone? The smoke of my ribs that condensed so easily on paper, that grieved for a heart which knows only to wear out with compasses caricaturing some destiny; where have you gone? The sun is out after two weeks of cloud and I am tired already, with the world unaligning itself from the inertia of my limbs. I am despising pits and attempts of people who try to plough me out, I am despising being seen. I am afraid of being noticed and the spits that follow, that my imagination keeps establishing. I want to believe that I deserve eyes and ears and lips for my eyes and ears and lips. I want to believe I deserve infant fingers in the gaps of my fist. I want to believe in my anguish instead of believing in those of other's that surpass me. And my friend, my Eve from my ribs- has turned away. I am alone with a paper and no words to spill even at the edge of the most beautiful sunset. The pen flinches in between my fingers. The sun screams upon my face, as loud as I might as well but never could. But never can. The intensity resonates and my soul breaks, everyday. There is no love without you, no loving without you, no intoxication that helps or destroys without you, no ferocity that is furious or fickle, no difference between a minute or an hour. There is nothing without your possesion of my body and mind. There is nothing without our unification- without the emancipation that follows: my words are the only truth of my existence. And they are no more beating with my pulses- irregular now. I want you back. Where have you gone? |