things I've found in my notebook

mele kalikimaka mada fucka.

merry crisis Isis.

eat lead and drop dead.

sorry koolaid man... there's no punch line.

I'm only finishing what your machete started.

if you take my life, you should put it back... In hell.

guy 1: where do you live?
guy 2: I live in pain.
guy 1: Person, place, or thing?

guy 1: I'm a necrophile, you know that right?
guy 2: so was Bella Swan
guy 1: wow, that was a dark roast.
guy 2: that's how I like my coffee.

"war is like gambling, you can win and lose everything. the only thing you cant lose is hope"

"show your gratitude and not your attitude"

"running through the woods at night, I chase them for a reason. hear me laugh as i cut you in half... cause its the killing season."

"you got more problems than a math test."

"you got more issues than DC comics"

"flank 'em and spank 'em"

"I don't give a shit, I take a shit. but if I take a shit, I put it back.

"no bitchin in the kitchen"

"mask it or casket"

"karmas a grinch"

"6 feet apart or 6 feet under"

"rookies get cookies"

"hey shit for brains, don't go to the bathroom... you might get light headed"

"I'm more wired than an undercover cop."

guy 1: Amish jew.
guy 2: Amish jew too

"feel the wrath of a psychopath."

"if you change your lipstick like you change a lightbulb, my dick wouldn't look like a rainbow."