Impossible to love

Impossible to love

I am not sure what it is that I have done
You said I had a violent conception
Rejectes even before my life had begun

I am not sure if it is that I spoiled your figure
Finally your baby blue dress a perfect fit
Your swelling belly bringing great displeasure

I am not sure, it was weeding the garden to go into labour
Weeding for hours, pulling one weed at time
This must be when I fell out of your favour

I am not sure if it was my genetics
You hated your sister, I looked like her
"Just like your aunt" you screamed like a lunatic

I am not sure if it was because I was more gifted
Singing, running, academics, art - I had it all
While this from your other children was omitted

I am not sure if it is making suspicion reality
I told you, I saw dad with the maid
This must be why you allowed the brutality

I am not sure if it was because I defended myself
Lacking strength I developed a sharp tongue
This must be why you allowed the elder kids to bully me

I am not sure if it was because I stood on principal
Courage of conviction to stand against wrong
Many a slap across my face to make it swell

I am not sure it is when I lived my own life
Being the youngest I had to take care of my parents
I got married, in your eyes I became a lowlife

I am not sure if it was when I prevented you from taking my child
You even had my daughter call you mommy
It must be when you kept her from me I went wild

I think it was those times I stood alone in truth
When you stood in lies inciting violence
When you needed support to uphold the untruth

I am not sure if it was my defiance
You stood and watched while I was beaten
It must be because I was unbroken by the violence

I am not sure what it is that made me impossible to love
When I was shaped and molded by your hand
But I will stand unbroken as there is a heaven above

Be kind to yourself and love yourself.