This is what I've become

***DISCLAIMER
***When I wrote this, I was experiencing pretty severe mental health problems, exacerbated by emotional abuse from my now ex.
***I'm including it here because, at least to me (mind you I'm biased), it has a very raw authenticity.
***If you are going through mental health problems, especially if you feel like I did when I wrote this, get professional help, I implore you.

I'm full of the weight of the world
and somehow completely empty.
The virtues I stand atop to see beyond my place
Must look at times as though I'm gazing down to see you.
I'm not.
In fact, inside I'm desperate,
all my weaknesses transparent.
It's difficult to appear strong
when I know that you hold my every vulnerability.
You know it too,
Clearly.
I want so badly to be what you want,
only I don't know what that is.
I'm crumbling from within.
Everything I try comes out as some deranged version of what I intend.
I can't speak.
I can't sleep.
My tired mind gets more and more and more weary,
as my thoughts grow paranoid.
I'm wounded in ways that no one will ever understand.
I don't know how you don't,
but you don't.
I'm just going to let myself fall apart now.