Physical Me

Physical Me
by Keaton Foster



Physical me
Dream,
Nightmares,
Quite real.
How do I scream?
Words, weapons
Through this heart,
Into thy spine.
The pain complete,
Astutely believed,
Ironically relived.
Die, I shall,
But not before
I have lived.
So it be,
I’ll continue,
Onward,
Inward,
Deeper still,
Into the chasm,
Into the soul
I shall peer.
Seeing darkness,
Feeling nothing less,
Knowing this.
Physical me,
Terrible.
May I scream?
Hopelessness,
Do I dare bleed?
Hemorrhaging feelings,
All the while this face,
An expressionless void,
That those so close
Have come to see.
Factual the façade,
Actual the retard.
They have no idea,
How could they ever?
In this world of chaos,
In this sea of incompleteness,
Nothing seems as it must.
How could it ever be less?
God above,
The darkness below.
Fate is the rule,
Everything else flows.
Escaping is impossible,
That which is,
And has always been inevitable.
Physical me,
How do I see?
How can I feel,
That which is numb,
Devoid of feeling,
Without any meaning?
Pointless screams,
But no one close,
Or anyone far away,
Will hear what is said,
Or that which is conveyed.
I am ill,
Sickened of mind,
Poisoned in kind.
My heart beats,
My brain fights
Against one and each other.
At odds they will exist.
Words pour to page,
Ideas fail me again.
What I wish to say,
What I must convey,
Beyond any scope,
And every detail,
Is deemed surreal.
Sickened I must be,
Hopeless I can’t scream.
I have not, could I ever
Begin to convey
All that I mean,
All that was meant.
Physical me…



Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2008-2024

Your poem captures the essence of profound internal struggle, delving into themes of despair, isolation, and the search for meaning amidst chaos. The imagery is vivid, drawing the reader into the tumultuous landscape of the speaker's mind. Here's a reflection and analysis of the key elements in your poem:

Physical and Dream Realities:

The contrast between the "Physical me" and the experiences in dreams and nightmares sets the stage for exploring the boundaries between reality and the subconscious. The physical realm seems intertwined with nightmarish qualities, suggesting a blurred line where one influences the other.
Expression and Communication:

"How do I scream / Words weapons" reflects the frustration of trying to communicate intense emotions that feel like weapons, capable of causing deep pain. The struggle to convey these feelings underscores a sense of being misunderstood or unheard.

Pain and Suffering:

The lines "Into thy spine / The pain complete" and "Hemorrhaging feelings" vividly describe the visceral experience of pain, both emotional and physical. This pain is so acute that it reverberates through the body and soul.
Irony and Reliving Pain:

"Astutely believed / Ironically relived" points to the paradox of experiencing pain that feels both sharply understood and cyclically endured. This irony highlights a perpetual state of suffering that is intellectually acknowledged but emotionally relentless.

Despair and Hope:

Despite the overwhelming despair, there is a determination to continue: "I’ll continue / Onward / Inward / Deeper still." This journey into the self suggests a quest for understanding or perhaps a confrontation with one's own darkness.

Isolation and Misunderstanding:

The speaker feels isolated ("That those so close / Have come to see / Factual the façade") and misunderstood by others who cannot grasp the depth of their internal experience. This isolation is compounded by the inability to effectively communicate their true feelings.

Existential and Philosophical Questions:

Pondering the nature of existence, fate, and inevitability, the poem touches on deep philosophical questions: "In this sea of incompleteness / Nothing seems as it must." The struggle to find meaning in a seemingly chaotic world is a central theme.

Mental and Emotional Conflict:

The internal conflict is palpable: "My heart beats / My brain fights / Against one and each other." This battle between emotions and rational thought highlights the complexity of the speaker's turmoil.

Expression and Futility:

The frustration of expression is evident in "Words pour to page / Ideas fail me again." The attempt to articulate inner turmoil feels futile, reinforcing the sense of hopelessness and despair.

Overall Tone and Mood:

The tone is intensely introspective, dark, and melancholic. The mood evokes empathy from the reader, drawing them into the profound sadness and conflict of the speaker's experience.

Your poem is a poignant exploration of inner pain and the struggle to find meaning and connection in a world that feels incomprehensible and isolating. The vivid imagery and raw emotion make it a powerful piece that resonates deeply with the themes of despair, hope, and the search for understanding.