お任せ March 26, 0733-0843

お任せ (Omakase) aka, I leave it up to you, America. You get to decide how you wish to serve me up in your upcoming human body part stew. Cannibalism, すみません (sumimasen), I mean Communism!—it's for the people! Hey USA! It's coming soon from the countries all around you. We shall all prosper as one... and it shall be glorious! (❤️Michael Dorn❤️)

I guess it's just a worldwide thing that people ignore abuse and don't bother helping out strangers or even their neighbors anymore.

All of us pretty well know that it's not okay to abuse people and hurt others. It's pretty well innate for most of us, no?

I know that almost every time I have seen someone being abused or treated unfairly I have spoken up and confronted the situation directly, usually with no regard for my own safety because I'd rather go down fighting than just walk around like a zombie and ignore what's happening around me. I do not subscribe to ignorance is bliss.

I remember being in Walmart one day and the cashier was harassing little old lady in front of me about her receipt. Something about her phone number or signature. The cashier was really rude and aggressive towards the little old lady and snatched the receipt out of her hands and was yelling and berating her. Everyone else stood there like an idiot (I'm surprised no one pulled out their phone and started fucking recording the incident like a zoo attraction or something). Anyhow, I stepped in and stood up for the little old lady and told the cashier off and said she was being unnecessarily aggressive and rude for no reason. She said she was just "doing her job". What happened to humanity? Common decency? Respect and caring about your fellow man? (And of course this includes women—we don't need to adjust all pur fucking language to be "more inclusive". So tired of all the fucking semantic bullshit.)

Anyhow, I was like this throughout my whole life—in school and elsewhere, I am very rarely afraid to stand up to "the man" or to challenge bullshit narratives. That includes my teachers in school. I rarely just nodded my head and agreed—especially when what was being taught or communicated to us was a bunch of "old white man" nonsense one-sided bible-thumping historical bullshit–for lack of a better description. I am not villifying all white men and saying they are all evil and nasty, and I think most people fully understand what is meant by this description.

I told my humanities teacher in I think grade 9? His name was Harry. I was in the flex program at Reynolds Secondary School in Victoria, BC so we called our teachers by their first names. We were learning Canadian history and I told him all that much of what we were learning was just a bunch of pomp and show bullshit about how John A McDonald and the rest of the white men were all wonderful heroes who we should thank the fucking high heavens for all the wonderful things they did. Such model citizens with no flaws who were all so great.

What our teachers did not teach us back then was about how the Canadian government attempted to silence and eradicate all the Natives... and how they treated them like lesser beings, called them savages, and thought they all needed to be "educated" so they could learn the "proper way to be and live". They thought they needed "special training" so they would understand how to "treat people properly".

I told my teachers that they were not telling us about how many Europeans came here and many of them just brutally killed and treated the natives like garbage. They lied to them about treaties and what they actually represented. They didn't keep their word about land rights and titles and that continues to be an issue today—despite their grand show about Truth and Reconciliation.

I remember my class being silent, except for the few idiots like Paul Bennett and another dude I think that was from Pakistan who said hey, we came, we saw, we conquered so shut up. But that’s not the whole story now, is it muthafuckas??? I stood my ground and challenged their shit. I learned from my native friends growing up and also from Camp Thunderbird on Glintz Lake road in Sooke about things they neglected to teach us in school. Many essential survival skills and other ways of being and living. Some of y'all will understand that sentence as is, some of you won't. I think most people today understand tho.

<additional notes on those of us who stop asking for help>

I remember when I was with my ex-boyfriend and lived in the basement suite on the border of New West and Burnaby, there was one night in particular that I was afraid my brain was bleeding internally. Who knows what precipitated this argument, maybe I didn't make him enough money on the day to satisfy all his desires... anyhow, at one point during this particular beating, he had me by the hair on each side of my head and was slamming the back of my head repeatedly while I was in the ground. My head was getting slammed against the edge of the big heavy haida bed. One of those old ones that weighed like a couple hundred pounds. There were no.cushions or anything so the big heavy metal bar and bedspring/frame was exposed and my head was getting slammed against that section, over and over. My only concern at that moment was that I was going to.suffer irreparable brain damage that would affect my intelligence and ability to be articulate and do math and stuff. I remember it felt like the back of my head near my brain stem and cerebellum was bleeding. It Felt soft and fuzzy, for lack of a better description. I don't even remember it hurting
I'd already been beaten up so many times at that point I didn't really feel much anymore. Sure, t still hurt afterwards, but at the actual time, you don't feel much. And even afterwards, you learn to just deal with the constant pain. It becomes familiar and sometimes, you don't even notice it at all.

Anyhow, I remember yelling for help. We had neighbors upstairs. I often yelled for help.when I was getting thrown around and beat up. I am pretty sure I even yelled for someone to call the police, but no one ever showed up at my door or intervened-even when I yelled and screamed. No one seemed to care or pay attention. Like are we all just lulled into some weird ass fucking complacency where we don't see other people as human anymore? Even when I lived on East 6th in the pink and purple house, I would be getting beat up downstairs and would yell and scream for help. No one did a damn thing. Guess that girl must have done "something to deserve the abuse". Must have started it, you know how these crazy women are, right? Must be drunk and need a good smack to "bring her back to her senses", ya?

Women especially are often abused in plain sight and very rarely does anyone do a damn thing. Y'all just carry on and keep walking or just pull out your phone and start filming rather than having the goddamn balls to fucking DO SOMETHING!!

Oh, look there's a kid getting beat up. Let's film it rather than step in and help him. Yeah, that's the way to be, eh guys? Oh look, there's a Woman getting pushed around in plain view on a busy street by some random asshole riding his fucking scooter on the sidewalk. She must have deserved that. How dare she walk down the street and not move for the mighty fucking man? Yeah? Fuck you. I'm not moving. Go.ahead, push me around. I've been pushed around my whole fucking life and have almost always stood my ground and stood up to the abuse. And fuck do they fucking hate it when you don't just curl up and sob in the corner. They fucking hate it when you just keep on walking with your head held high and carry on doing whatever you're doing.

I had that happen to me last night while walking. Yup. Nasty ass white women. She represents everything we hate, right? All I have fucking done since I came to the city is be kind, try and give what little I can to others to help them out—even when I know they are going to spend it on drugs or alcohol. I have been there and I get it. I cleaned up a park of a bunch of garbage when I was walking around taking pictures in Brooklyn. I will cleane up more if someone wants to supply me with garbage bags. I have no fear or picking up garbage and making my surroundings look nice so everyone can enjoy them. Especially kids parks and outdoor community spaces. They are for everyone to enjoy—including families. When your surroundings look nice, it generally makes you feel better and more positive.

I give what I can and do what I can because I care about other humans and the environment and about what kind of legacy we are going to leave for future generations. I care about what the kids see. I care about them having nice clean spaces and good education and people that care about them. What about the rest of you? Do any of you still care?

As for myself, perhaps you think I don't care about myself... but what I care about is what I can do for others, and for the world I live in... not what others can do for me and what I can get from them or what I "deserve" to have.

I know I can handle abuse and pain. Besides, if I die, it doesn't really matter. I don't have children (and I never have had any children) who need me to support them. I don't have a family relying on me. Most of my family doesn't give a shit anyhow. They are all busy living their own lives and taking care of Themselves. Heck, I don't even have many friends that would even notice that I was gone. Probably wouldn't even make the news if I got shot while walking down the street. And I don't even care if I do. I'm just a single, childless old lady who is homeless and living in a shelter. I have no job, no income. Clearly, I have nothing to offer this world. Education isn't good enough, work experience isn't good enough, skills and abilities aren't good enough. Too old, too thin, too ugly, not perfect enough. Always not enough or too much of something. And ya know what? I don't want to be here living in a shelter...I want to work and do something.

I have even helped out at the places I have stayed (when they have "allowed" me to) cleaning the kitchen and sweeping and mopping. I bought some stuff for community use and have let others go ahead of me in food lineups and in other lineups and spaces. I am not some greedy leech looking to swindle the system and evade taxes. I appreciate that social programs are necessary and cost money. I would like to contribute to those programs, tho I think they need a bit of positive direction and TLC in many ways... but what the fuck do I know, right? What could some old, wrinkly, skinny, flat assed, stringy haired white woman with light-colored hair and light-colored eyes possibly know about anything beyond cheerleading? #BTW where I am from, we don't have fucking cheerleaders with pom poms. Cool if that's your thing. It take strength and coordination and all, but it's not my thing. Where I am from they tried to make me do rhythmic gymnastics and twirl some stupid ribbon around my head. Not my thing either.

Anyhow: What could I possibly know about "real American society and history"? I couldn't possibly understand anything about this land. I obviously do not have the knowledge to be able to contribute anything useful or even make suggestions. My ideas are all just white woman racist "Karen" garbage, yah? I'm obviously some secret KKK member or something.

Just a racist in disguise because all white people are racist... so go ahead. Keep throwing me under the bus. I'm quite used to it by now. I've even been thrown under the bus by a bunch of white men and women in Canada.

Regardless, I'll keep being kind and helping others and respecting and contributing positively to the places I am in and the people I am surrounded with. Sorry if that makes any of y'all fuckin mad. \o/

Oh, and btw, America and all your stupid territory gang shit and guns... why the fuck do you care if people walk around in "your neighborhood"? What the fuck am I doing wrong? Buying the odd thing from your establishments and supporting local businesses. Giving you positive feedback and reviews on Google Maps. Taking photos of the beautiful stuff and art and graffiti I see all over the place. Appreciating the cultures and communities and all the colors and traditions (not the ones that are harmful and violent, mind you. and I shouldn't have to fucking define what actual violence is for any of you!) I see while walking around through all the boroughs and neighborhoods here. I love the diversity I see and all the different architecture, flowers, community gardens and spaces, the different foods, smells, clothing, languages. It's all fascinating and beautiful to me. Too bad so many other people seem to be so blind to it all.

So do what y'all gotta do. Imma keep on walking my way and doing my thing until I either get shot by some bullet or drop dead in the street while everyone just ignores it like it's normal and walks over my dead body like a piece of trash. That's how it works in socialist countries like El Salvador. People just die in the street and no one cares. Is that what you want to be too, people of the USA? Hey leaders? What about you guys? Did y'all find your fucking testicles yet??

Also, I do not accept your gun culture and have no desire to have a part in that aspect of American culture. I do not own a gun and I have zero desire to have one or carry one around with me. Like the Playstation 2 game: Beyond Good and Evil, the only "weapon" I will be carrying is my phone (and my pens/pencils/paper—oh and my voice and my interactions and mannerisms and treatment of my surroundings).

My phone has a camera and I like to take photos of art (this includes graffiti) flora, fauna, wildlife, the sky, the ocean, cemeteries, buildings, roads, architecture and whatever else I notice that I find interesting and beautiful. Beauty exists everywhere—even in the "darkest and dreariest" of places. We all have to ability to "see" that beauty. I guess some people have simply forgotten how to look beyond... not sure how else to phrase it or explain it.