Songs And Lyrics

It has been sometime since I have written anything. Not really sure why. Maybe I have forgotten how to release what's eating away on the inside. Maybe I am afraid to try. Lot's of maybes. I guess out of everything that has happened in life, I realized this. Things don't get better or easier with time. That's bullshit. It's just words people use to try and comfort others. Truth is, once the soul is damaged, it never recovers. And the pain never goes away. You can only hope that the mind's self defense mechanisms kick in, and anger and rage set in, to protect the heart and soul. I know why people drink heavy at times. To have clarity, or just that moment of peace, without being overwhelmed by your own thoughts and emotions. One of my favorite things I used to say to people was, sometimes I need the music, and sometimes I need the lyrics. Music feeds the heart and soul. It's not the song that makes you emotional, the song is the trigger. It’s the people, the memories, and all the things that come to your mind when you hear it. From time to time I will share a song or two that do it for me. That take me to another place in my mind. Some good, some bad. All powerful and sometimes painful. Million Reasons - Lady Gaga…is one of those songs. I can remember the times when I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, and look into my own eyes. I hated what I had seen. All the pain, all the hopelessness, 100% defeat. I would search my heart, my thoughts, for just one thing, just one reason, anything to hold on to that would give me hope. Loss causes more damage than we can ever share and express. I am not sure what is worse, pouring all of your energy, thoughts, and love into people you can't live without. Only to have their true colors show, and destroy everything you were trying to build and give to them. Or the absence of someone's life that had lived inside of you. The one that guided you, the one that you could always run to. To feel it die, and slowly leave you. I know that there is no coming back from that kind of darkness.