Dear Daddy

April 3, 2024

Abba,
I haven't been able to write to you thus far because I've been afraid of handling the emotion. I miss you so very much that I didn't know what would come spilling out once I started typing. I've been scared to cry when I've been alone - and that's most of the time - because I don't want to lose control. Do you even know how deep the void is that you've left?

I'm blessed to have had you as a Dad. To have shared with you all the big things, the little things, the good the bad and the ugly things. As Meg once said, you and I had a language all our own and now there's nobody to speak it with.

But you know what, Abbie Sweetie? At another level, since we shared so much, I'm full and content with all that sharing. It's odd - either it's fullness or emptiness!! But yeah, on the whole, there are no regrets about your death. You lived a full life, you weren't enjoying yourself in the last few years of it, the time had come for your soul to move on. So while I miss you so much it hurts sometimes, I do bounce back and am actually much more normal than I thought I would be when I dreaded this time.

Oh, that dread was horrible. When I pictured losing you and the loneliness that would follow. But you and Mom have given me the strength to face it, Pop. I hope you're proud of me.

You know aloo-papad comes in an air tight package now. It's much more streamlined and doesn't have the same taste and feel as the original aloo papad. I want to give you a little bit, soaked in dahi to make it soft, and watch you eat it mmm-mmm iwith the few teeth you have left and your lips moving in that baby like way. Oh, my Daddy, I miss you so much.

Daddy, I won a Quill on WDC and I crossed 1,000 Community Regognitions. I wanted to share these things with you. I also got my 50th Snail Mail Merit Badge. I'm doing a Harry Potter Quiz at Atta Galatta tomorrow and I've joined the poetry conclave that Ishan introduced me to. But I need something to fill the hours. I wonder what I'll do. I can't keep watching You tube like this.

Yesterday was a GPO visit for World Autism Day and I took Raja's son Yadav along. We went to the Vidhana Soudha and posed for photos there. Cherry comes over, she's growing into a lovely young lady. We watched some videos of you together.

I MISS YOU ABBA. I LOVE YOU.
- Sonali

Daddy - I just got back from a short outing to Printo and the BDA Complex for lamination. On the way back, stopped for coconut water. Missed you because tadgola and jackfruit are now on sale and Raja and I talked about how you'd ask six times a day for tadgola! Bought some to eat on your behalf!