Untrue

You think I've moved on but that's simply not true. You think I don't feel the pain or the sorrow and anger, but that's not true. I feel everything, I feel it all, and I feel too much. I can't help but act like nothing happened, I need to act this way it saves me. Not facing all these feelings head on is deteriorating my brain and on me. Of course I know this already though, but I just can't help it. I need to avoid all the feelings, all the memories, and all the actions and consequences that will come with the decision that I made for both of us.
I made the hard choice for the first time I made the hard choice but of course it was with the wrong person. He thinks I left him because I couldn't handle what he was giving me which isn't true. I left to save us, I left to save him, and to save me. I didn't want us to grow to hate each other. I love him deeply and will care for him forever, but I had to leave so he could get better. He will see that in due time his life is going to be extraordinarily better without me but it will be a hard year to come to see that. I know he thinks that I moved on I I know that I left him in his time of need and that he feels betrayed and lied to. But I did what was needed for me and for him.
If he truly loves me the way he claims then he will see that eventually and maybe one day our paths will cross again whether that be next year during school or 6 years from now when our lives are more stable. Some days I regret the choice I made but most days I think of how proud I am of him and how in the long run he will be happier. I will never regret the fact that I know this was right no matter how wrong it feels. I'm putting my faith in God for once and I will not beg God to change things because this is how things must be for now but hopefully not forever.