Chapter 1--An Interview

approximately 2100 words
Back to chapter listing "The Good and Faithful Servant" 

Chapter 1

An Interview

Alexander pulled his Range Rover into the Big Sky Plaza strip mall and parked in front of a grimy storefront.  He ruffled the ears of his golden retriever, Scooby Peritas, who perched on the passenger seat next to him.  "What do you think, Scoob? You think this Stakhos guy's going to tell us another whacked out UFO story?"  Scooby's tail thumped against the seat and he licked Alexander's hand.  "You think he's gonna be a doofus, too, don't you?"  Scooby didn't answer, and Alexander gave a little snort.

         At least the sign was right: Mountain Adventures!!!, complete with three exclamation points, painted on the window in bright, psychedlic letters.  The window for the doughtnut shop next door announced it was closed for the day, and the one on the other side had a "for lease sign."  Only three other vehicles sat in the parking lot, and one of those had two flat tires.  He frowned and his mouth soured.  Florescent lighting gleamed through the smeared window scum at the Mountain Adventures!!! store, so at least the place looked occupied. 

         He was here, so he may as well give the guy's story a listen. Whacked out or not, it'd be another chapter in his book. He picked up his backpack, stepped out of his vehicle, and held the door for Scooby before closing it and heading toward Mountain Adventures!!!.  A chime sounded when they entered the musky interior.  The place reeked of marijuana, tobacco, and who knew what else. Yellowed illustrations of the nearby mountains hung on the walls, and brochures and forms littered the countertop at the back of the store.  One of the overhead  lights flickered and buzzed, but there was no other sound. 

         Alexander called out, "Anybody here?"

         No answer. 

         Awesome.  He stepped to the counter and rapped his knuckles on the surface.  "Hello?"  Behind the counter, a curtain of colored beads hung across a doorway that led to the rear of the store.  He chewed his lower lip.  Maybe he should look back there.

         Before he could act on that impulse, the muffled sound of a toilet flushing broke the silence, and a voice called out, "Keep yer shirt on.  I'll be there in two licks."

         In a few moments, a balding man with an unkempt gray beard and scraggly, shoulder-length hair pushed through the beads and stepped behind the counter.  He wore an embroided, a denim pull-over open halfway down his chest, bell-bottom blue jeans, and sandals.  Three or four strings of love beads hung around his neck, along with a heavy Ankh pewter cross.  He spoke in a thready, high-pitched voice, "When nature calls, ya gotta answer."  He twisted his wrinkled features into what Alexander supposed he must have intended to be a grin and revealed several missing teeth in the process.  "What can I do ya for?"

         "I'm Alexander Yeager.  If you're Eric Stakhos, we spoke on the phone."

         "That's me, all right."  He narrowed his eyes and tipped his head to one side.  "Yer the dude what wanted to know about them space aliens I saw, right?"

         "That's right, Mr. Stakhos.  I'd be grateful if you'd share your story."

         "Call me Eric, and it t'ain't no story.  It's what done happened to me."

         "I didn't mean to imply otherwise, Eric."  This guy sounded like he had fewer brain cells than teeth.  Still, having come this far, he may as well go ahead with the interview.  "Would you mind if I record our conversation?"

         "Whatever.  Don't make me no never mind.  Whatchya wanna know?"

         "Just tell me what happened in your own words."  Eric pulled out his cell phone and set it record. 

         Eric shrugged and settled into a folding chair sitting beside table in the front of the store.  Alexander joined him, and Scooby curled up at his feet, head resting on his paws.

         Eric lounged back, folded his hands over his belly, and started speaking. "'Twas nigh on three years ago.  I was guide for a group on a four-day adventure up in grizzly country.  Damn fool city folk wanted to hike in the wilderness and take pictures of bears.  Paid well enough, so I took 'em deep into the wilderness.  Farther than I'd gone in years, in fact."

         He paused to roll a joint.  He offered his pouch to Alexander who shook his head and said, "Not right now, but thank you all the same."

         Eric shrugged, lit up, and inhaled a deep toke.  "Anyways, it all went down on the second night.  We was sittin' 'round the campfire, all cozy like.  I was smokin' me some weed and they was high on liquor and some smack they'd brought along.  Them owls, they was a-hootin', and we could hear echoes of a wolfpack yowlin' at somethin or other off in another arroyo." 

         He took another toke and his pupils dilated.

         Alexander waited in silence for Eric to continue.  Eventually he prompted, "What happened next?"

         Eric gave a little start. "What?  Oh yeah. Where was I?" 

         He'd apparently lost the thread.  Alexander resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  "You were sitting around the campfire on the second night of the adventure."

         "Right.  Anyways, we was sittin' there all mellow-like when we heard something rustlin' 'round in the shadows.  Somethin' big, too.  I figured we was gonna see our first grizzly, so I told everyone to stay calm.  Not that anything was likely excite them zoned-out tourists, what with the stuff they'd been smokin'."

         "Isn't confronting grizzlies dangerous?"

         Eric snorted. "'Course it's dangerous. Confront a grizzly!  What you think?  But grizzlies, they mostly don't care 'bout people, 'ceptin' they do somethin' stupid like runnin' away or tryin' to win a stare-down with 'em."  He shook his head.  "Confront a grizzly.  Now that'd be something only a bone-headed city slicker would think of."

         "Thank you for enlightening me, Eric." What a doofus. A psychedelic doofus, and a refugee from another era at that, but he had a story Eric and may as well hear it.  "It wasn't a grizzly that you heard, was it?"

         "Nah.  A grizzly wouldn't a scared me none.  But what we saw that night scared the be-Jesus outa me."

         "Tell me about it."

         "Well, it started when this little dude, maybe four feet tall, sauntered outta them shadows and sat down right beside us, in front of our campfire.  His skin was all knobby, like a frog's, and he was kinda fish-faced.  More slits than a nose, a big gaping mouth, and eyes that pointed kinda sideways. Had a mohawk, too, or maybe a fringe what jest growed that way."

         Alexander kept a striaght face. "Not like any earthly creature, then."

         Eric took another toke and nodded. "Ya got that right.  Had to be one them there space aliens.  Hard to tell colors in the firelight.  Mighta been a green, or maybe a gray."

         "You seem conversant with the MUFON morphology."  Contaminated was more like it.

         "What?  Don't know no morfo-nothin'.  Jest know what I seen and didn't see."

         Alexander nodded.  "Go on."

         "Well, he jest sat there.  Or maybe she.  Hard to tell with them space aliens.  Didn't say nothin at first.  I offered him a toke, all friendly-like, but he waved a paw at me.  His fingers was webbed, by they way.  I had a cousin with webbed toes.  Freaky lookin'.  But some chicks, they liked them toes."  He paused to leer at Alexander and lick his lips.

         Time to keep him on topic.  "Then what happened?"

         "Well, we sat like that for a bit. Everybody chilled out, even them tourists I'd brung up there.  But then a real grizzly lumbered into our campsite."  A gap-toothed grin split his features.  "Them toursists, they shoulda knowed better, but one of 'em screamed and they all started to run.  Guess that smack they was smokin' made 'em forget what I told 'em 'bout how to behave around grizzlies. Stupid."

         He took another pause for a drag on his joint.  "'Course, that grizzly, he couldn't help hisself.  He woulda probably figured we weren't worth botherin' with and left us alone, but grizzlies, they's programmed to chase if they sees somethin' runnin.  It's in their blood.  So he took out after them tourists.  Caught one of 'em, too."

         "Did the tourist survive?"

         "I'm gettin' to that.  That little froggy guy stood up and spoke, for the first time.  'Cept it was more like a croak.  Could swear he said somethin' like 'gork' or maybe 'gorp.'  We had gorp in our packs.  Don't know what he'd want with good ol' raisins and peanuts, though. I got the best recipe..."

         Alexander interupted, "Go on with your story, please."

         Eric grunted and gave him a fish-eye, but then continued. "Right. Anyways, that's when it got scary.  Real scary.  This ginormous robot showed up.  I mean, it musta been ten feet all, all covered with flashy lights and shiny steel.  When it stomped into the campsite, the friggin' ground shook.  Then it shot laser beams outta its eyes, like Superman, and them beams, they sliced that poor ol' grizzly clean in half.  I mean, blood spouted up as high as them fountains at that hotel in Vegas.  You ever been to Vegas, Alex?"

         Alexander winced at the diminumitve, but didn't correct him. "I've seen the fountains at the Bellagio, yes.  Do go on."  Blood spurting fifty feet in the air seemed even more improbable than a robot with Superman eyes, but he let that slide, too.  All that mattered was the story, such as it was.

         "Well, that tourist woman the grizzly had grabbed at, she fainted on the spot. She was all covered with blood and grizzly innards, but turned out she weren't hurt none. Jest some bruises.  But that robot, it stomped out the fires its laser eyes had started.  Then it went into a kinda rage, like a body builder hyped up on 'roids. It started stompin on stuff and flingin' tents and sleepin bags every which ways.  I figured we was all toast."

         Alexander waited for him to continue, but he seemed to have lost the thread again.  "What happened next?"

         "Can't say."

         "Why not?" This time Alexander did roll his eyes.  Damned hippie airhead didn't even notice. 

         "'Cause that's all I remember." He gave Alexander a smug smirk.  "That's all any of us remembered.  We woke up the next mornin', and our camp was a mess, all torn up. Flies was buzzin' 'round grizzly bits, and it stunk to high heaven.  No alien.  No robot.  Just chaos.  My GPS was safe in my pocket, so I was able to take us back to the trailhead.  Took about a day. Them tourists, they made some stink 'bout gettin' their money back, but I had a contract and they had them an adventure, complete with a grizzly, jest like I'd promised."

         "Did you report this to the rangers?"

         "Do I look stupid from where you sit? Grizzlies, they's protected, bog knows why. More gov'mint nonsense, ya ask me.  'Course I didn't report to no rangers.  They'd jest make trouble.  Probably fine me or somethin' over a dead bear."

         "But you did report it to the newspaper."

         "Did an interview.  Sure.  That was smart--good advertisin'."

         "Can you take me back to where this happened?"

         "You daft?  'Tain't never goin' back near that place never again.  Don't want no robot with laser eyes shootin' at me nor tearin my camp to itty bits."

         "I'd pay good money to visit the spot where this all happened. I'm working on a book, and it would make an awesome chapter."

         "If ya are dumb enough to wanna go there, I can give ya the GPS coordinates.  I can draw maps, too, to show ya how to get there. There's game trails that lead right to the spot.  Do all that for free, 'specially if I'll be a chapter in yer book. More advertisin'."

         "Thank you."  Alexander turned off his phone and stood.  Scooby raised his head and perked his ears.  "If you'll do that, we'll be on our way."

         Back in the Range Rover, Alexander said, "Well, Scoob, that was a pretty tall tale. What do you think? Shall we a trek up country to check it out?"

         Scooby sniffed and sneezed.

         "Yeah, the psychedelic content of that story was pretty high.  But that doesn't mean it won't make a good chapter."  He could decide later whether he'd be writing for the rubes or to ridicule them.  Either way could be both fun and profitable. He started the engine and headed out of town, toward the mountains.