My reality

I am almost always sad
almost.
Not always.
I'd like to show you my happy corner,
so to say.
I'm a dreamer,
having spent half my life in a fantasy
It makes things hard,
The truth of reality-
So I created my own world
Full of elves and fairies,
castles and dragons,
vampires and mermaids,
Love
Adventures
Friends
All true and real to me.
so real, they became more real than reality
at times.
While other kids got fucked up
And fucked
I got fucked up and went on wild
adventures
Whether reality or fantasy
depended the day
Or night.
dissociate for hours
or daydream-
Whatever you wanna call it-
or rampaging through the forrest
Searching for elves,
Skating away into the dark night
Searching For gentle arms
gentle hearts
Only to find rough hands,
Empty eyes.
The reality always brings me back,
but I'm damn good at escaping
So I'm never really trapped.
I can always soar out in open
Twilight skies
Atop a mighty red dragon,
Or I can swirl and whirl and twirl
my way through falling leaves
of burnt orange and umber
langhing, laughing, laughing
maybe I can dive from this ciff
Into this deep teal ocean,
See a whole new world.
I could live in this Flower,
drinking tea
Be my very own Thumbelina.
like a dream
Only it’s day
And I’m awake.

You walk into a forrest,
maybe you see trees and moss-
I see what could be,
If the stories were true.
When reality is ugly
I can lose myself so
I don't have to see
I can fold my essence away,
like a sheet of paper
Then I gently tuck me
Into a cozy book,
I live a different life-
one not possibly real,
So my feelings can't be real either.
Because everything is always too real
and there isn't enough fairytales
and beautiful stories to save me
From the bad ones.
I suffocate in my reality.
Why am I like this?
See,
Now this is getting too real
Again.
What book do I want to live tonight?