Darcy Devereux and Security Service

Chapter 23

Of course, when we’d gotten back to the car, our phones were full of texts and missed calls, and we couldn’t even answer. We had to maintain cover. So Ambrose drove to the outskirts of the city, where we needed to push the car a bit, smearing a little bit of dust around and collecting sweat. We had to look like we’d pushed the Mustang to the nearest town. Then we drove back to London while our phones lost battery. Well, Ambrose drove. I slept as best as I could, knackered from the migraine and pushing the car with him.

It was late when we got home. Everybody seemed to have gone to bed. The house was dim and clean.

When the door shut, Constance, Lucy, and Luke strode into the hall.

“Oh, my God. We were so worried. What happened?” There was a mixture of concerned responses.

They seemed worried to death, making the pang in my stomach more acute. I let Ambrose explain, or lie, as it were. He did it so well I didn’t know whether to be impressed or affronted. Luke had this odd look in his eye as if pretending to listen, but he seemed uninterested in it, faking a reaction. He was watching me. I couldn’t help but avoid the scrutiny. And there was something else I couldn’t decipher in Lucy too. They knew too much about me to buy that story.

Afterward, I went upstairs to shower, ready to fall into bed. My suit would need to be dry-cleaned, so I merely hung it up. When I’d cleaned up and changed for sleep, the other shoe dropped.

“You weren’t driving tonight. At all. Were you?” Luke said, leaning against the wall. Lucy was beside him.

“What?”

“We saw the news,” Lucy said. “An arms company got robbed during their New Years’ Party while you were stranded. You got dressed in a suit... For driving.”

“For the party.”

“The one at Paltrow, yes.”

“The car breaking down? It’s a cover story.” Luke pressed his lips tightly. “I know when you’re telling the truth, and that wasn’t it. Our dad used to tell us stuff like that all the time.” He cocked his head.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.”

I shook my head. “Look, I can’t. You know I can’t. This is different than Chicago. It’s bigger, and, hell, even I don’t know much. That’s the truth. The less you know as little as possible or nothing at all, the less you get hurt, and that includes the three of us.”

“Yeah, but you could’ve died tonight, and we would’ve never known the real reason why.”

“I had backup.”

“Still.”

I licked my lips. If it were me in their position, I knew I would feel the same. I did feel the same. Ambrose was in the same position.

“Everything all right?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re not supposed to know.”

“Okay. Fine. We won’t let anyone find out and pretend we believed that story you guys cooked up. Happy?”

“Not quite, but your cooperation is appreciated.” Ambrose stood at the door.

Luke and Lucy jumped.

“How long have you been standing there?” Luke said.

“Long enough.”

“Ah.”

“As my brother was saying, you must keep this to yourselves. Don’t tell your father. Otherwise, this will become more complicated than it needs to be.”

Luke chuckled. “Yeah, I know how it goes. You’ll have to arrest us.”

Ambrose raised an eyebrow and glared. “More like prosecute you for treason and causing an international incident.”

Lucy glanced at me.

“Darcy, he’s doing it again.” Luke didn’t break the stare.

“Ambrose doesn’t joke about these things.”

“Clearly.”

“Are we going to have a problem?” Ambrose crossed his arms.

“You tell me. You both lied to our faces tonight and made us worry all night.”

“It was necessary—”

“The hell it was! You let us plan all of that when you knew you wouldn’t be there. And then you had the audacity to lie to our faces twice in one day. I can’t believe there was no other way.”

“I’m sorry. It was imperative no one knew. Lack of celebration today would’ve seemed suspicious. Neither of us enjoyed the deception. Believe me.”

“Now I know what Dad meant about politics.” Luke sighed.

“I guess you do what you need to do,” Lucy said.

I ran a hand through my hair.

“You still owe us a party though.” Luke said.

Ambrose furrowed his brow.

I blinked. “What— I thought you were—”

“Look, this isn’t our first rodeo. We’re kinda used to it, and after last year, we’re not even surprised.”

“We know you’re after Maurice, and this is somehow related to that.” Lucy cocked her head. “We’re not mad about that, more that you keep acting like we’re idiots. I mean, you ditched us without even a warning and fed us such a cheaply cooked up story. Like not even a modicum of effort.”

Ambrose shrugged. “The simpler the better.”

Luke huffed.

“Look, next time you need to disappear, we don’t need to know details if you can’t disclose them. Just a headups shit’s about to hit the fan would be nice.”

“Fair enough.”

“So. Invade the kitchen?” Luke looked among us.

“Well.” Ambrose rose his brow.

“We have a few hours to kill.”

“Down to the cellars then.”

“I could eat.” I was tired, achy, and turned upside down, but at least, some of the ice had been broken. We had an hour to say goodbye, and we’d make the most of it.

We sat in the kitchen eating caramel popcorn, brie sandwiches, and frozen yogurt. We reminisced about old times, enjoyed the intimate quiet, laughing quietly while a sitcom played over Luke’s phone. Ambrose and Luke kept up their verbal sparring. I didn’t know when I’d started, perhaps when they’d first met, and now whenever they were around they roasted each other in some way. It was their fun, I suppose, and a tad funny to watch.

When the time came, Luke and Lucy rolled their suitcases down from the bedrooms, and we took the time to say goodbye. We’d see each other again until spring break.

“We’ll miss you.” Lucy sighed.

“I suppose we’ll need to wait for the next eclipse.” I quirked a smile.

She kissed my cheek and hugged me. “Take care of yourself.”

“Always.”

“And be careful. Like I mean, careful.”

I rolled my eyes. “Nothing’s going to happen. Ambrose has made that very clear to me.”

“That’s true.” Ambrose cleared his throat.

“And we both know you always find a way into a complicated situation.”

“Also true.”

“Ehh.”

Luke put his hand on my shoulder. “I love you, Darce. But if you die, I will kill you.”

Ambrose chuckled. “He knows.”

I rolled my eyes. “I would expect no less.” I pulled Luke in and squeezed him. Then Lucy hit Ambrose with an embrace as well, to his surprise.

“Well. All right, then.” He rubbed her back.

She stepped away. “I felt like you needed that.”

“I did. Was it that obvious?”

“Ehh.”

“If I’m honest, I’ll miss you two as well.” Ambrose cleared his throat.

“We’re touched.” Luke clasped his hand. They shook hands and hugged briefly. Ambrose clapped him on the back.

“Tell Q to bring back exploding pens.”

“Right after I phone the Prime Minister about the aliens.”

“Well.” Luke grinned. “Ellington.” He saluted, waiting for me.

I rose my hand to my brow. “Coltrane.”

We both drew out hands out.

“And may the force be with you,” Lucy added.

I chuckled. “Goodbye.”

Ambrose waved.

And with that they crossed the door.

My brother waited in the corridor. “They’ll be back.”

“But until then we have dragons to slay and tempests to weather.”

“Yes.”

The clock struck a quarter to four. We made our way down to the lair and waited in silence together.

“So why didn’t you ever tell me? Why did you lie when you said you hadn’t found him?”

He glanced at me. “At first, I thought you were too young to know when I found out, and then I couldn’t come back once I’d joined MI6, so I didn’t get to tell you. In truth, it was such a difficult thing to reveal. The longer I waited, the harder it was to say. When we crossed paths again in Chicago, there was no time when we were racing against the clock and Maurice, and I didn’t want to open another can of worms. We were trying to mend a broken chain. Your recovery was fragile. I was afraid you’d be angry and hate me because I knew you have a right to... You trusted me even after I betrayed that trust once. I owed you more than that. Please forgive me.”

I didn’t know what I’d expected when he said we continue this discussion later. All the defensiveness had gone. My brother didn’t often admit he was wrong, since so often he was in the right. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t.

“I forgive you. It couldn’t have been easy either way.”

“Hellish.” He sighed.

The minutes ticked away again, and I recalled what I’d told Father.

“Ambrose...”

“Yes?”

“In case no one’s ever told you before, I’m proud of you.”

Ambrose huffed. “What could you be proud of me for in this moment?”

“All those years when it was no one but you and me, I know it was hard. Going it alone. Getting up in the morning, being there for me when you could, going to uni. Everything.”

“I had no choice.”

“Yes, you did.”

He swallowed.

“I know it was more than difficult, and you did it anyway. When everyone left, you stayed. You carried on and picked yourself up, picked me up. These past years, those memories, seeing you again, were what kept me going. All this time, you keep surprising me with everything you are now, and I’m glad, no, I’m lucky to have a brother like you.”

“After everything I did?”

“We were kids. You did your best. It wasn’t either of our faults. I really don’t know what I would do without you. I know it was difficult, but you were there how you could be, and I’m very proud of who’ve become.”

He smiled softly, a few tears having escaped down his cheek. After a while, Ambrose wiped his face.

A dull thud echoed. The metal manhole on the ground shifted up a little. We jumped to help lift it. Father and Sabrina climbed out.

“Well, well, this place is a little different than I remember.” Father looked around.

Ambrose shrugged. “I’ve made a few changes.”

“Very nice.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Good. Now that we’ve reminisced, what did you find with the tracker?”

Ambrose rolled his eyes.

“The connection interrupted a few times, but I got our man to stake out the place where the guns stopped. They’re at a warehouse on the other side of the river.” Sabrina pulled out some photos.

“That’s Kasim and his men.” Crates of guns.

“We need to keep an eye on the shipment. The next step is tracking them to the buyer and catching them red-handed.”

Ambrose nodded. “Well, then that’s it. If either of us have anything, we’ll get in touch, but for now we watch the warehouse until the deal goes down.”

“Boring.” I sighed.

We said our goodbyes before Sabrina and Father left the same way they came. I showered while Ambrose recorded his report and sent it off.

Then we went to bed, though it didn’t seem like either of us felt eager to sleep. It took a long while for me to drift off, despite the exhaustion clouding my mind. And then somewhere during the early morning, I stirred to find Ambrose was hugging me and trembling. His breath was staggered. His face wet my shirt.

I stirred. “Hey, what’s—”

He sniffled and drew back. “Sorry. I just needed—”

“It’s okay. Turn around. Let me hug you.”

He shifted on his side back to me, and I wrapped myself around him. Ambrose’s chest jerked with soft huffs.

When he sat up, I passed him the tissues.

“Nightmare?”

“Last night just stirred so many memories,” he whispered, so fragile and broken, yet gentle and soft.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He sighed.

“Couldn’t have been easy.”

“After Mummy died... Father was different. More alert, calculated. Colder. I felt alone even when he was in the room. Everything I knew about him vanished. Knowing Maurice and what he’d gotten our father into, I understand why, but it didn’t make it any easier. I remember the night he disappeared. It was as if for the third time that year everything came crashing down, and I had no idea why. For a long while, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for a lot of things.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I watched him walk away, much like you watched me walk away.” He sniffled and closed his eyes.

My gaze shifted to the wall.

“What if must’ve been like for you—” He shook his head. “I just kept coming and going. Then I dropped right off the face of the earth after Maurice threatened you. My fault for trying to live in two worlds because one was crumbling and the other was distracting.”

I looked back at him.

“I dreamt... I dreamt that night again, and dreamt I couldn’t find you. I was helpless and alone and I couldn’t do a thing,” his voice broke.

I shifted closer to him and hugged him. “It’s okay now. You’re not alone, and you’re not helpless. I’m here.”

He grasped my shirt.

When I’d gotten to London, my brother’s life seemed perfect: smart successful girlfriend, soon-to-be engaged, fun friends, great job, a family found from years of scavenging acceptance. I’d felt like a visitor in the train station of events that was his life. And yet, I was wrong to think he hadn’t needed me. To think I was the only one in pain. We both needed each other.

Late in the afternoon, the drapes still drawn and the room still dim, I was hanging half out of bed because Ambrose had sprawled like a jellyfish.

“Ambrose.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m falling.”

“Hmm.”

“Help.”

He tugged on my hand.

I chuckled groggily. “It’s fine.” With a pinch of energy, I rolled back sloppily curled in.

“What time is it?”

“Past four o’clock.”

“In the afternoon?”

“Mh-hm. Hey. Random thought. Do you think Sabrina is working with Kasim?”

“Behind our father’s back? I don’t know. I hope not. It’s unlikely he’s ignorant of her past,” he slurred.

Ambrose phone rang, and he jolted.

I groaned. “No phone calls. Come on.”

“It’s Stevie.”

“Pfft.”

“Hello... Well, it's about time. Thank you. Although I think he already knows quite a bit about her by just being himself... Never a man for talk, Harrow, but at least he’s finally agreed... We’re managing. Better than last night. It was more than we’d anticipated... Yes, late night... Have a good day, Stevie. Talk tomorrow."

“What was that about?”

“I can finally tell you about Sabrina if you like, but I know you have her figured out anyway.” He yawned.

“All right.”

He rubbed my back, and I curled up as usual.

“So what do we do today?”

“Whatever the hell we want.” .

It was a little while where the day waited, instead of pulling us along. Another moment to pretend. It had been so difficult. Draining.

Luke and Lucy were settled back in Chicago while I was left more unanswered questions. Did Kasim know I’d been at the party last night? Was Maurice really still alive? Or was I obsessed and delusional? Why was Sabrina working with my father? What was her angle? Had she lost someone dear too? These sort of things were what I’d talk to Luke and Lucy about. I didn’t want to worry Ambrose with more than already concerned him.

My brother didn’t show it much, at least not like everyone else, but he was under a great deal of pressure, and last night, meeting our father again had knocked him down flat.

“Who is she then?”

“You want to know now?”

“Might as well.”

Ambrose took a deep breath, propping his head on his hand. “Her name is Sabrina Nabih.” His words were low, measured, and slow. “That is her full name. We met in Kandahar and then again in Morocco. She was one of my agents when I saved Lanyard from an attack on his base. A journalist that had become a mediant for information in the criminal world.”

I raised my brow.

“She is skilled at disguising herself, seducing her enemies, and collecting obscure intelligence. One of the best and most dangerous intelligence agents I’ve ever recruited. We’d worked well together, but one day she slept with my associate, drugged him, stole state secrets, and then shot him. I caught her in time, but we were at an impasse. Lanyard was coming over to hang out and celebrate our latest success, play a game of cards. Somehow he’d caught a sign though and come through the roof, knocked her out. I was left with a shoulder wound, through and through. However, during the night, she escaped from her holding cell, and when I chased her to Morocco, she paid someone to help her disappear.”

“You didn’t catch her again?”

“Just the one time.”

“Wow. No wonder you’re so cold toward her.”

“She’s unreliable. She nearly cost me my job and my life. She only gives you information if she can find an advantage in you, and you can never really be certain if it’s true. What she’s doing working with our father I have no idea.”

“She said she has a reason to hate Maurice. Revenge.”

“Her husband, a hacker named Laurence Peters, used to work for Orbis, but Kasim decided to get rid of him when he developed a conscience. Sabrina infiltrated the criminal world to slowly work her way up to one man, losing herself in her pursuit of avenging her husband’s murder it until she acted one of them. She’s scarred and wounded, but you’d never know it. She holds it like a soldier unless you catch her when no one’s watching.”

“You’re concerned about her.”

“I used to be. Experience is the best teacher.” He sat up with regret in his eyes and rubbed his face. “She barrels through all obstacles, and it tears at her, but not enough to stop.”

I bit my cheek. “Did you and her...”

“What?” He furrowed his brow.

“Er,” I coughed, “you know...”

“What?” Ambrose drawled. “You know you can ask me anything.”

“Did you get... ‘involved’ like your colleague?”

He smoothed his brow and almost quirked his lips. “No. I’ve never ‘gotten involved’ with anybody. It’s a very serious thing. You don’t give a piece of your soul to anyone unless you’re were utterly committed to them. Since marriage is as absolute as it gets, I haven’t gotten there yet. Not even with Constance. Not getting involved like that beforehand ensures the emotional bond is strong, prevents pain from rejection of affection caused by infatuation and attraction. A relationship should be both, and one based solely on the latter is very unstable indeed. Besides, Sabrina was my colleague so it would’ve been inappropriate and compromised my position.”

“Of course... Sorry if I—”

He raised his hand. “It was a valid question I chose to answer, and I gave you permission to ask it.”

I nodded. “Your associate didn’t make it, then.”

“The wound Sabrina gave him was more damaging than the one she gave me.”

“Ah.”

“She claimed self-defense, but I never found myself forgiving her for it. I hardly think she has, despite the defense she gives.”

I looked aside.

“Fizzy.”

My eyes went back to him.

“If you ever get into the revenge business, it’s not as cold and noble as it seems. It’s ruthless, ugly, and demanding. It is a grave moment when you decide that avenging one life to make yours marginally bearable is worth others’ demise.” Ambrose shifted. “If I’d read her better, my colleague would still be alive... And yet I wasn’t to know. It was her doing all the same and not mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“What I can’t get over is you have another bullet wound and you didn’t tell me?”

He breathed a laugh. “What, you want to see that one too?”

“I want to sock Sabrina in the eye. That’s what I want to do.”

“Mhh. Join the club.”

“And yeah, wouldn’t hurt to take a look.”

Ambrose rolled his eyes.

“Hey, you saw my scars. Only fair.”

“I know.” He took his t-shirt off. “Here. You see it?”

I whistled and grimaced. “That one looks bad.” The scar was lighter than the more recent one. Barely recognisable, but it looked like the bullet had torn right through.

“The back is cleaner. I think. The whisky had kicked in by then.”

I leaned over. “Lanyard’s stitching?”

“Not his best, but I kept moving.”

“Nothing to numb it?”

“Desperate times.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t have the bullet, do you?” I teased.

He shook his head and chuckled. “Sorry, no, I was too busy trying not to bleed out to find the bullet.”

“Pfft. Weak. I’ve maintained consciousness multiple times while bleeding.”

“Bleeding from a bullet wound?”

“Ehhh.”

“You’re not serious.” He sobered.

“More like huge gash in my thigh from when I fell from a tree and a broken branch ran past it. Now that hurt.”

“Oh, my God. When was this?”

“Two years ago.”

“Damn. Must’ve forgotten. How’d that go?”

“Called a pharmacy and used Maurice’s name to make a prescription for antibiotics and wrapped my leg in gauze like I’d gone to war. I limped for about a week or two.”

“I have zero words.”

“Good because neither do I. Wow, it really was through and through.”

“What about your leg?”

“Oh, now that one’s really ugly.”

“I’ve shown you my Frankenstein. You show me yours.”

“I have so many Frankenstein’s.” I scooted against the bed and pulled up the pajama leg. It was on closer to the inside, not easily seen. “Looks like I was mauled by Big Foot.”

“You’re right. It’s uglier.”

“Heyyy.” I smiled in spite of myself.

He laughed.

The day we pretty much didn’t do anything. We cooked, watched a couple old movies, and conked out again, and then conquered the weekend.

Chapter 24

The weeks waiting for leads on Orbis to surface again passed slowly, but not unpleasantly. Ambrose’s birthday came by on the 19th. Snow still visited in February. We celebrated the day before with Constance, since it was a Monday and her day off, and the two lovebirds went on a date in the afternoon. They went walking and then to the cinema before Ambrose’s favorite library, and after she went to complete her errands of the day after five, Ambrose walked in with a grin and a very nice Ralph Lauren tie. I cooked Ambrose breakfast for a change. Shakshuka and sourdough. We’d Transporter until he went to work. Of course, the infamous tickle battle ensued. I was the victor. Ha. We had lunch with Stevie and Matthew too, and after work, it was off to the club for dinner, and then falling asleep in his bedroom watching Indiana Jones. It had been a well-celebrated day.

And then unexpectedly, Sabrina bumped me in the park a month later and left me with a note. Somehow she’d found the location of the details of the meeting, and things were back on track.

It went down March 30th, after Constance had stopped by for Monday breakfast. Ambrose and I met in the lair to start work. Luke and Lucy were coming for spring break around five o’clock, and we’d celebrate Luke’s birthday tomorrow too. We needed to make sure today went smoothly.

“So. This arms deal could be the start of a war,” I leaned against the wall.

“Which is why it is imperative we get those guns back.”

“What’s the plan exactly?”

“That is up to the police. We only give them the intelligence.”

I rolled my eyes. “So what, we do nothing now?”

“Nooo, we continue our work. This arms deal is only the beginning. You said you knew Maurice’s entire web, and we’re going to continue to pin it down until we’ve laid out all we know.”

I sighed. “Not as exciting.”

“No one gets hurt today.”

“At least there was that. You think Kasim knows about who’s after Orbis? About Father’s band of spies and Sabrina?”

“It is possible. Though he might also be as much in the dark as we were.”

“What if he isn’t?”

“Then he would know the deal is exposed.”

“He could be bluffing. It could be a set-up.”

“At any rate, there’s no way of knowing, and the police will be on their guard either way.”

“Darcy! You’ve got mail!”

I looked at the cameras. Alice was sifting through the morning’s mail for her letter from Oxford, and she’d set aside an envelope for me.

“Odd.”

“Your friends sent you something?”

“Not that I know of.”

Ambrose and I headed up in curiosity.

She screamed. “Whoo! I got in. I need to go to school right now, but oh, my God, I. Am. In.” Alice hugged me and Ambrose and then George before she rushed outside.

“That was very nice.” I smiled.

“Indeed.”

George beamed.

I turned my attention to the mail. “No return address. Odd.” There were some photos in it telling from the slight transparency in the light. No anthrax. I grabbed a knife and neatly cut it open. “I wonder who this could be—” The photos were of Luke and Lucy at lunch, walking to school, in class, Alice with her friends, Ambrose and I in the street. And our father. My stomach turned. “I’m going to throw up.”

Ambrose grabbed the photos. His face grew pale. “He knows.”

My hands shook, and I rushed back to the lair.

Ambrose did as well.

I paced madly trying to keep breakfast in my stomach.

“Fitz—”

“We can’t do this.”

“Fitz, it’s—”

“He knows! The deal can’t go down. It’s blown.”

“No, we don’t know for certain—”

“He knew I was at the fundraiser that New Years’ Eve, and he knows we’ve found out about the deal. He knows about Father!”

“Even so,” Ambrose kept his voice low, “there’s nothing we can do. Father won’t back down. It’s a deal he’s been waiting to negotiate since Maurice disappeared. The authorities won’t back off because we have a suspicion. They’ll merely be more cautious. Father’s not afraid them.”

I shook my head. “He should be.”

“Listen, I will go to the office. Sabrina and Father will keep an eye on the scene in case anything happens—”

“I need to go with them—”

“No.”

“Ambrose—”

“You will rest. There’s nothing you can do if you go, and you’re better off here than there. Father wants to risk himself? Fine. I’m not risking you.”

“What— what you trust Sabrina now?”

“Not in the least, but I’m not about to argue with a man I haven’t seen for a decade.”

“You can’t be serious. You’re going to leave him to fight the wolves alone?”

“He’s not alone—”

“Yes, he is! If he’s with her, he’s alone. The police don’t even know who they’re dealing with.You said it yourself she will stop at nothing for revenge. We can’t know what she’ll do.”

“He’s not going to call it off.”

“Ambrose—”

“We’re not discussing this any further.”

“Ambrose... Please. It’s Father.”

“You cannot be anywhere near this. Do you understand me?”

I ruffled my hair and grunted. “This is—”

“Fitzwilliam Darcy, do you understand me!”

I caught the gravity in his eyes. There was no changing his mind. He was too serious to argue with this time.

“You are not to get involved. Are we clear?” It wasn’t the fury so much as the fear that convinced me.

“Yes.”

“I will not compromise your safety to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. I would take a bullet for him. But actually taking a bullet won’t do any good. We need to be there if things go wrong, not be in the thick of it.”

“What about Luke and Lucy?”

He sighed and softened. “I’ll call Lanyard to be on alert.”

I opened my mouth to speak.

“Do not call them.”

“And why the hell not!”

“Because encrypted or not, you never know who’s listening, and scaring them won’t help matters.”

“Well, you seem to have an answer for everything.” I licked my lips, not feeling like meeting his gaze.

“Fizzy...” He huffed. “I’m sorry it has to be this way, but—”

“No, you’re not. You’d rather I’d be safe than running around.”

Ambrose sighed. “Lanyard is on alert, believe me. I can’t promise things will be okay, but we’ll do our best.”

“I haven’t tickled you yet.”

“For what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You sent Luke that video of me dancing in the middle of the night.”

He tittered. “Fitz, I need to go to work now.”

“Well, if you need to go, you need to go. What’s stopping you?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing at all.” He stepped back slowly and then broke into a run.

I sprinted after him. Up the stairs. Through the library. Out into the hall. I got him when he turned around at the threshold of the living room.

“Oof.” He chortled as I tackled him to the rug and aimed for his armpits. “Fitz, come on now—”

“I follow up on my threats.”

“Haha, and I wouldn’t expect any less.” Ambrose took a shot at my stomach.

I tried to hold in my chuckles. “Oh, no, hahaha, that’s my weaknesses.”

“I’m the only who knows that. Should you care to remember.” He shifted to my ribs.

I rolled over in a fit of giggles. I didn’t remember when I laughed so much and so well.

When I gained purchase in his neck, it was all but over though.

“God, no! Fizzy.” He giggled harder and higher, trying to grab at my hands.

“Surrender?”

“Never!”

The peculiar sound of his laughter, unrestrained, had been sorely missed. It was like medicine to hear it again. Ambrose wrapped his arms and legs around me and planted fast sloppy kisses on ym face, like the ones adults give to five-year-olds when they’re being over zealous.

“Ambrose, what are you doing!” I laughed.

“I’m appeasing you with kindness. Come here.” Ambrose hugged me closer, tucking his head over my shoulder.

“You’re so ridiculous.” I caught my breath. My stomach ached.

The day was uncertain, but for a while, it seemed as if things would be all right. I could close my eyes, and the darkness would feel safe.

He sighed. “I know it’s not a promising day, but... Whatever happens, I’m here if you need me, all right?”

“Okay.”

He tousled my hair and helped me up.

I really hoped everything would be all right.

Chapter 25

I sat in the library, knowing what I’d said. And yet I wasn’t getting involved if I merely thought the case over.

The deal would go down in a few hours. Maurice and Kasim did them around lunch to facilitate a meeting beforehand to discuss details. After that, anything could happen. And the where. Ambrose hadn’t told me any details. He and my father still thought the less I knew, the less trouble I could get into. However, they forgot that I knew how Orbis’ top people worked. I could always use reasoning and past knowledge to conclude. Lunch. That meant a restaurant. High-end. Had to be near the docks and a shipping warehouse so the arms could be transported.

And the business deals involved a demonstration of the product to ensure the buyers’ confidence. The loose thread. Could be a heist, a little war, an uproar or a riot etc. Not the end of the world. Merely a little bit of chaos, a exposition before the deal. Knowing Kasim, he was a little classier yet more volatile than Maurice. Violence wasn’t his forte. He appreciated the arts, money, a good business scheme.

This was like theatre with very dangerous, very interesting characters.

Time: noon, today.

Setting: London, 2015.

Place: London docks.

I jumped again. “That’s where it’s happening.” Then I huffed. “But it still doesn’t make sense. There can’t be only a deal.” I click-clacked away at the computer scouring for news articles about certain places. Where would Kasim use the guns? Art gallery? Too many casualties. Too many questions and cameras. No current hot exhibits. He’d probably hit a truck in transport to use the guns. Limited casualties. Just a precaution. Enough to demonstrate. But nothing was going in and out these days art-wise. There was a tech expo.

“Urgh! Not enough.” I paced and rubbed my face. After two hours, feeling parched, I headed up to take a break. George walked back in from his outing to the billiards club, a newspaper in hand.

“How’d the billiards tournament go?” I warmed up the paninis Ambrose left behind. Maybe eating for once would feed my manic brain. It was eleven, in time for an early lunch.

“I am an honorable loser, yet a brilliant player.” He smirked. “And I will spend the rest of the day making more frozen yogurt because it mysteriously disappeared around New Years’.” George raised an eyebrow. Well, he and Alice ate it. Luke, Lucy, and I just finished it.

I chuckled sheepishly. “It’s very good. You should sell it.”

“Ahh, no, but I accept the compliment.” He moved around the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge.

Meanwhile I took out the paninis from the oven and dug in. One bite made me realize how ravenous I was. It was a very good panini. So was the second. And thereafter I collapsed on the couch with a bottle of iced tea. My mind had wandered to the deal going down in a few hours as I drank sips here and there.

“Oh, take a look at this. Interesting news.”

“Hm?”

George tapped the newspaper. “Germany, they’re repatriating their old gold from the Bank of England this month. Austria and France have been on the mission too. A great scramble for security. Intruiguing, isn’t it?”

“Mmh. Wait, this month?” I blinked.

“Yes, says so right here—”

I texted my brother headed back down to the lair.

Ambrose, I’ve found something

It would be a few minutes before I got an answer. Ambrose’s phone was with security. I ruffled my curls. “Come on. Not when we’re this close.” We needed to warn my father and... Well, Sabrina I didn’t care for, but she had information on Orbis too. She could’ve also been a double agent.

I jumped when my phone rang.

“Fitz, what’s going on? What’ve you found?”

“I’ve been thinking about today, and I figured out what they’re going to do.”

“What they’re— Fitz, I said case closed. We know what they’re doing. You need to take a break for once.”

“Do you want to know what I found or not?”

He sighed. “Is it life-threatening?”

“More like potential national emergency, possible scandal if it goes through.”

“What, are they going to rob the bank of England?”

I bit back a smile. “Not over the phone, Ambrose.”

He huffed. “Fine, I’m coming.”

“Thank you.” I sunk into a chair.

The seconds ate away at me, but 20 minutes later—

“Fitz?”

“In here!”

“Well, what did you find?”

“Kasim’s plan. There’s more to the deal than we thought. After you left, I got thinking. It wouldn’t make sense for Kasim to make a deal plain and simple.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sabrina got the time and location, which I didn’t know myself until now. However, the way Kasim and Maurice always arrange these deals is with a demonstration. They use it to show their buyers their word is good and to impress, seduce. In Chicago Maurice blew up the factory before moving on to the hotel, and he used both to cause a distraction. What people think he’s doing is always a cover for what he’s actually planning. Now it makes sense why they’ve been waiting so long.”

“So he’s not planning the arms deal?”

“No, he is, but it’s not all. I wouldn’t have even thought of it until George came back with the London Bugle.”

“Ah, he lost the tournament. He only gets it from this pastry shop across the road when he—”

I rose my brow.

“Ahem, never mind. Imminent threat. Continue.” He gestured.

“They’re going to rob the Bank of England.”

Ambrose raised his brow. “Very funny. You know if you missed me you could’ve said so instead of dragging me here in a hurry.”

“It’s not a joke. And also yes, I did miss you but not my point.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m actually serious.”

“Okay, how do you know, though?”

“What do you mean how do I know? You said listen to your gut even though it doesn’t make sense.”

“I did say that.” He nodded. “Nevertheless I’m going to need a little more information to act on.”

“Ugh! Don’t you see? Germany’s repatriating their gold this month.”

“Yes, Fitz, all very well, but what’s that supposed to prove?”

“If you check, you’ll see a transport leaving today on its way to the port, and Kasim is going to use the arms to pull off a heist before the deal. They’ll ambush it near the docks.”

“Highly improbable. How would he move the gold?”

“I don’t know.”

“And where would he hit the shipment?”

“I also don’t know.”

“Why you didn’t think of this before calling me is a surprise.”

“Yes, well, I thought you’d believe me—”

“I do, but to act on it, we need actionable proof.”

“Which is what we both here for, so let’s brainstorm.”

“I suppose he could even repeat New Years’ and blow a hole in the ground, but the security would be make it impossible.”

“Blow a hole in the street?”

“I could leave you alone until you have more concrete clues.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You know the rules. Never mock the brainstorm.”

“Let’s go on then.”

We paced around the room.

“What if— no.” I stopped.

“Hm?”

“Run off with it during a gunfight.”

“Not practical. The gold’s heavy.”

“Yeah, unless—”

“Blowing a hole in the street to carry it through what?”

“Hm. Robot in a utility tunnel?”

“Huh. Not half bad.”

“But it would draw attention and they wouldn’t have enough time to carry it off before the police would cordon off the area.”

“Yeah.”

“Very good. Something else, then.”

“Well... Maybe they’d use a decoy transport. Confusion in a chase. Perhaps it’s not so complicated.”

“It’s a thin lead, but I’ll take it. Better to be prepared.”

“You do believe me, don’t you?”

“I trust you know a great deal about how Kasim and Maurice work and that anything could be useful, even if we don’t know how it all fits together quite yet.”

A silence pervaded the air for a while. “I’m still not sure about Sabrina being there, though.”

“Father wants her there. She’s his partner. I can’t argue with him about it.”

“Even if it’s dangerous?”

“You appreciate my leniency when you disagree with me, correct?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“He doesn’t have it, unfortunately. I talk to him, but sometimes he might not want to listen. I can’t tell him what to do.”

I shook my head. “He’s not safe while she’s around. She’s unpredictable. Anything could happen.”

He looked at me in concern. “Fitz, I can trust you to stay out of this.”

I glanced aside.

“Fizzy.”

I wanted to say ‘yes’ without saying ‘no’. I wanted to do something. But if I implied it, Ambrose wouldn’t let me out of his sight. He wanted to trust me. “At least let me be there to watch it go down. I won’t be able to relax all day until I know it’s done either way.”

Ambrose sighed. “Fitz, you know I can’t—”

“Okay, fine, I know! Bloody protocol. I don’t know why I asked.” I bit my cheek and plopped myself onto the couch.

My brother paced a while. He seemed to have been making his mind. “You’ll stay put then?”

I widened my eyes. “Yes.”

“You won’t argue or try to slip away?”

“I give my word I will be a passive hawk.”

“Hmm.”

“I discovered the information.”

“It’s your job.”

“Please. It won’t do any harm.”

He held me gaze, lips pressed in a thin line, as if he thought otherwise. “Fine. I’ll pull some strings.”

“Thank you.”

And so Ambrose took me with him after he had a quick lunch himself. He knew leaving me here would be pitting me against myself, and I couldn’t stay in the office with him. Mostly because he wouldn’t be there half the time, while the other half he was there, I wasn’t cleared for whatever work he was doing. He dropped me off where they were coordinating the heist, a safe distance from the location of the heist but in a place to hear and see everything going on. They moved their forces to concentrate around Limehouse Dock, and I stood in the presence of a part of special division of police all in one room full of computers. They ran about to set up surveillance, reposition their men, talking all at the same time to different superiors and people. It gave me a little sensory overload, but I’d have rather been there than home alone not knowing anything.

“Sabrina, are we all set up?” My father’s voice came through.

My eyebrows shot up.

“Yes,” Sabrina said. “I have the intersection in view.”

For a while, it was merely chatter on setting up a vantage point and scoping out the street. Intermittent static buzzed in the comms. The police were set up undercover, though I think Kasim could see through their façades. They’d put spike strips to roll out on the road for the car that would try to take out the armored truck. There would be an escort surrounding it.

“Everyone ready?” The chief of operations puts his hands on his hips.

Different groups sounded off.

“Echo?”

“Ready.”

“Bravo?”

“Ready.”

“Zulu?”

“Ready.”

I took a deep breath, leaning forward on my knees.

One o’clock in the afternoon. The display showed the route of the gold transport and the teams in hiding.

“Transport is on the move.”

There was nothing like the feeling I could do something else do help while everyone told me all I could do was listen. Passivity and I weren’t exactly simpatico. But Ambrose was the only reason I even knew what was going on, so ‘sit here and listen’ was what I’d do.

The static continued in a pattern. It got on my nerves instead of blending in with the rest of the sounds. My knee bounced uncontrollably. The armored car was almost at the hit point.

Then a screech on the road echoed.

“This is it.”

On the cameras, a black Audi drove on the wrong side of the road, racing toward the truck.

“What the bloody hell!” The chief said.

The car would get smashed into an accordion. They tried to shoot it down to stop, but it kept on driving. Nothing would pop the tires. It passed over the spike strip and drifted with a deafening screech to drift onto the road, blocking the traffic. The truck smashed into. The officers all swarmed onto the scene to investigate the car.

“There’s no one inside,” an officer said.

“What?” The chief ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s empty.”

I bit my tongue. “Remote controlled. It’s a distraction.”

The officers checked the car while the traffic honk and the truck tried to progress. The wind blew. The static continued bugging me. It was so annoying. Nothing happened for a minute.

Pop! Pop, pop! “Everybody, get down!”

I jumped and widened my eyes.

The officers shot at each other. It’d been a trap. Kasim’s people had infiltrated the teams somehow. I stood and pulled my hair, feeling my chest burn. A few officers went down, others nicked in the arm or leg, and by the time Father and Sabrina got down there, the armored car back up at sped down the street, no care for the cars behind veering away. Everyone had been so focused on the route ahead. Nothing had been placed behind. Two squad cars from the other side of the street sped after it. Other forces surrounding went in pursuit. The truck veered left and then right like it was drunk. The ring grew tighter, but it rammed ahead shot ahead at full speed. It seemed like Kasim wouldn’t get away. One of the men at the truck picked off the pursuit cars one by one, shooting up their pursuers. Sabrina and my father were on a motorcycle bypassing traffic on a parallel street.

Screeech! The armored car stopped.

My breaths were shallow.

“We got ‘em.”

In all of this, I knew Kasim was nearby watching. This wasn’t it. And I couldn’t stop any of it.

“Any sign of Kasim?”

Sabrina and my father were searching the buildings nearby.

The officers formed a perimeter around the truck. Half of them got out of their squad cars, guns pointed at it.

They shot bullets back and forth for five minutes at least. And all it did was carry out what Kasim had meant to. Yet I still had no idea how he’d pull off the heist. The gold was still in the truck. They’d cornered themselves. But there was no way Kasim would be that clumsy. He hired the best. What was the point of this?

I squeezed my eyes shut. The noise didn’t help. Neither did the stress. My head pounded.

“Wait!” the chief shouted.

I looked up.

It seemed the men in the truck ran out of bullets, and a minute reigned. None of it made sense. Birds chirped. The static still messed with me. Why was it there? Traffic around the perimeter had stopped. Not a soul moved. Then the doors opened.

The two men in false uniform stepped out, hands around their head.

“What?” I furrowed my brow.

The guns were not in their possession anymore. The police were on them in a moment, cuffing them. Two others checked the inside of the armored truck.

“Chief! It’s gone!”

I sat and held my face in my hands. “Shit.”

“What! How— we were on them the whole time!How they did they... Anything on Kasim? Was he here?”

“Oh, he was here,” my father said. “This was the perfect place to see everything going on.” Wind whipped. He was on the roof scoping out nearby operatives of Orbis who might be watching from afar. “Hey! What—” Static and grunts came through.

My heard jerked up. Nothing on visuals. I heard blows being landed. Then a sharp whine in the earpiece. I ripped it out. “What the hell happened!”

The chief shook his head. “Echo one. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“His comms are dead.” The techwoman, Sarah, checked the lines of communication at the computer.

“Echo two, come in. Come in, damn it! Somebody.”

“Hers is inactive.”

The chief rubbed his face. My father and Sabrina had disappeared. “Check nearby CCTV. They’ve got to be somewhere.”

Nothing. No suspicious cars near the scene cruised by or raced away. We caught a glimpse of a woman ducking down an alley with no other trace. Kasim had managed to take down a portion of the police force with his guns, steal the gold, and kidnap my father. And Sabrina was nowhere to be found.

“Shit.” I found myself numb for a while, sitting in the chair staring at a spot on the floor while the police rushed about trying to determine what had transpired. It was chaos. They were keeping some men at the deal site in case the buyers showed up. But I had a feeling it was the wrong location. Sabrina had found it out, and now she’d disappeared along with my father.

Nothing I’d done had changed a thing. Kasim had still succeeded. Our only other lead was in the wind. Ambrose had bet on trusting our father knew what he was doing, but it hadn’t made a single difference. Our father could’ve been as good as dead.

My migraine flared in my head. My hands shook. I forced in a breath. There were too many people around, too many things being shouted around. I escaped to the loos and crashed in a stall. For a moment I didn’t want to do anything to stop myself from losing it. Barely breathing, letting my weak tears spill. I deserved it. I hadn’t stopped anything. I was helpless no matter what I knew. And Father had only come out of hiding to work with Ambrose and me. If I hadn’t caught his attention, he’d have never taken the risk.

No matter, what they said, nothing would’ve happened if I’d kept my nose out of Maurice’s business. Father would’ve stayed out of hiding. Out of sight. I’d endangered everything.

And yet....

And yet there was Ambrose. Oh, he always thought the opposite way. Always contradicted me in that regard. Why the hell did he do that! It was so confusing.

The one thing he’d repeatedly said was it wasn’t my fault and I deserved compassion.

For once, I wanted it. I no longer loathed it. I wanted him to be right. I needed him to be right. I needed it so desperately.

I drew in a breath and thought of what he’d say. How it felt when he hugged me. I remembered the laughs we had at the farm. I remembered all the times he told me the truth without breaking me down. He always knew the right thing to do and the right thing to say. And he always thought I was worth something, worth attention, worth listening to, worth investing time and love in.

I sniffed and did a broken gasp. I gently rubbed my arm. My skin tingled. The sound of my breath focused in my ears. The feel of my heartbeat in my chest. The glow of those fond memories. “You’re going to be okay. It’s going work out. It’s okay.” I shut my eyes, my cheeks stinging. “You’re loved. If it’s your fault, Ambrose can fix it. He somehow does. He can fix a lot. It’s terrible, but it’s... All right. It’s all right.” I drew in a deeper breath. My chest felt looser. I released a few sobs. “It’s okay.”

All I could think about was how my father was dead and gone. And he hadn’t even been here long. And for once, I let myself feel. Without an ounce of self-loathing or guilt. Without criticism.

For once, I let myself be. And I let it all go.

Chapter 26

Ambrose dwelled on the upcoming arms deal the entire day, no matter what he’d told Fitz about not worrying about it. After his meetings, he spent hours at his desk thinking on the past events and trying to reconcile how it fit into everything. His brother was getting too involved, and today it could all go south very quickly. Ambrose didn’t trust Sabrina by a mile, no matter what stake she had in this crusade. And their father was very much like Fitz, working with them yet alone, keeping them at an arm’s length.

When his lunch break came, Ambrose merely stood at the bridge looking over the river. He decided that Fitz would need to take a break from this for a while, no matter the conclusion. He’d been getting better and then falling back for the past three months. He needed balance, but he didn’t want it. He kept pushing himself, and worse, he talked less about how he was feeling, what was running through his mind, though Ambrose knew it was his way of dissociating. He was trying to distract himself while at the same time focusing on Orbis. No matter what Ambrose had done to keep Fitz grounded in reality, the lad either kept slipping away instead destructive distractions or diving into his uncle’s madness of a syndicate. Not that Ambrose could blame him much. This was his job, but he tried to bring none of it home and focus on Fitz, on Constance, his life. Most of the time he succeeded, but as of late Constance noticed him drifting in bleak thoughts once or twice. She was there for him, but it made him realize that Fitz couldn’t go on like this much longer. Something needed to give.

Ambrose rang Fitz. They needed to talk. It was after one something must’ve happened by now. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. What was going on? He usually answered right away. Four rings. “Come on, Fitz.” How could he not answer? Ambrose ended the call about to try again when someone else called. The police.

He breath caught. “Yes, hello?”

“Is this Ambrose—”

“Yes, it is.” He hoped that Fitz hadn’t gone and tried to do something himself.

“Well, it’s about your father. The deal went south. They managed to make the gold disappear, and we believe they’ve either captured or killed him.”

Ambrose shuddered. “What about my brother?”

“After it went down, he went into shock and then disappeared for a bit. But now he’s out on the couch in my office.”

“I see.” He breathed in relief. Fitz hadn’t gotten involved for once.

“Do you want me to have him taken home?”

“No. No, I’ll be over after work if that’s all right. I hardly get him to sleep at all. If he could remain for a while, I’d be very grateful.”

“I’ll be out all day anyway trying to fix things and find out what the hell happened, so he’ll be left alone.”

“All right. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Ambrose plopped onto a bench. “Oh, dear God.” He sighed. Another whirlwind. Ambrose called Stevie and pulled a few strings. Normally, he’d have left work early to pick up his brother, but he needed to get ahead of things so Fitz wouldn’t need to worry about it. Within the hour, he was sent the footage of the disaster and the pertinent files. Then he made phone calls to find out more details and tied some loose ends on some of his other operations. He needed to take the rest of the day to focus on this. Around an hour later, he left the office to pick up his brother.

When they let Ambrose in Fitz was knocked out on the couch, brow sweaty, hair wet. Whatever nap it was, that it was restful seemed debatable. He shouted in his sleep. Despite previous happenings, Ambrose wanted to wake him from this torture for once.

He crouched down, sombre. “Fizzy, wake up. I’m here.”

Chapter 27

I knew Ambrose was in the middle of some important meetings that couldn’t be interrupted, so I sat in baffled silence thinking and pacing away for a while after my little breakdown. Then around I gave up and fell asleep on one of the office couches lying about. I’d expended enough emotions for a lifetime.

Unfortunately I got stuck in a nightmare with Kasim and Maurice threatening my family, and I gasped awake, shivering, breath hitched. There were hands on my shoulders. “No! No, no, no.”

“Fizzy, you’re okay. You’re okay. It’s me. I’m here. Nothing happened.” A hand in my hair.

I violently flinched away and fell off the couch, hyperventilating. My vision blurred, and I rubbed my eyes. Ambrose. I released a longer breath. “It’s you.”

“They told me you fell asleep for a couple of hours, and I didn’t want to wake you—”

“You’re here.” I grasped him as if he were a lifeboat.

He grasped me. “Yes, I’m here.”

My head pounded fiercely. Once my breath got back to normal, I checked the clock. Half past five. How had I slept that long?

“Did they tell you?”

“Yes.” He swallowed. “You did everything you could today. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow. I promise.”

I stepped back. “No, we need to get him back. I need to see— I need to see the scene to find out what happened. He could be dead or—”

“Later.”

“Ambrose—”

“Later. Let me take you home.”

I huffed. “To do what?” My voice wavered.

“To regroup and rest. We’re both frazzled and tired. If you want to figure out what happened and find our father, you’ll need to be at your best.”

“I’m—”

“Are you seriously going to tell me you’re fine? Right now?”

“I can manage. Ambrose.”

“No, no more managing. Fitz, you saw what happened. Our being there would have done nothing. It’s not your fault.”

“I—”

“Listen to me.”

I shook my head.

“Hey.” He held my face gently.

I looked at him.

“It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. You do not need to kill yourself right now to fix everything. We will figure this out.”

“You’ll tell me when it is, won’t you?” I mumbled.

“When what it is?”

“When it’s... my fault.” I rubbed my neck, my eyes pricked.

He sighed. “You can always trust me.”

“Okay.”

“I promise, you’re one of the reasons we’ve gotten this far. We’ll get him back. But you need to slow down and recover.”

“After—”

“No, now.”

“Why? Why now? How is this different than any other time?”

“It’s isn’t. But we need a different approach.”

“Why!”

“Post-concussive syndrome, and yes, I am pulling that card.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You may be playing games with it, but I’m not. You’re still recovering, and you still need to be careful even when you’re better. You haven’t slept very well lately. Today alone has drained you, more than others. I told you to take it seriously, and you’ve done anything but these three months. Two weeks ago, you ran a mile to many. In February you sprained your ankle, twice because you overdid it, during which time you avoid sleep without telling me and had migraines every day.”

I fidgeted.

“You took it seriously in hospital because you were anxious to get out and it was a prison for you. I hadn’t expected any less since my conditions on your discharge were that the doctor was fully confident you could continue at home. You were set on convincing me you could meet them, and you did very well for a little over a month. I can’t say I didn’t expect for you to run through those conditions with a bull-dozer after New Years’, hence my deal on our working together. Fitz. I am not upset with you. I am concerned about you. You’re not invincible, and you’re body will catch up with your choices. You need to learn to deal with these sort of things in a way that doesn’t cost your well-being. It messes with your control in situations, and I don’t think you realise.”

I crossed my arms, gazing at the floor. “One night won’t kill me.”

“But a series of them might set you back more enormously. My point is: if you don’t stop running yourself into the ground, I’m going to be forced to take you out of this for a while. It’s not helping. In fact it’s hindering you’re recovery.”

“Wait, you’re not serious.” I looked up at him.

“I’m afraid I am. Very. I said next time arguing about work versus your health is no longer a subject of discussion until you understand the balance they require. I’ve been more than patient. This is where I put my foot down. You need time to learn to ground yourself and face situations when you’re level-headed.”

“Ambrose, you don’t understand—”

“I do. That’s why I know you need a break.”

“You can’t take me out of this. Not now.”

“I can, and I will if it means you won’t revert to a coma.”

“I... I can’t stop. I can’t think of anything else. I’ve tried!”

“Alone. You’ve tried by yourself. I’m here. I can help. We can do this together. You need a break from this—”

“No, I need to finish this!”

“Which will take years. It’s tearing you apart already.”

“I don’t care!” I exploded, tossing my arms in the air. I hadn’t even meant to shout. And obviously, I’d said the wrong thing because Ambrose looked more resigned. Everything I said was only burying my point into a deeper hole. I sunk to the floor against the wall and wrapped my arms loosely around my knees. Tears streamed down my face at a glacial pace.

The seconds aged in the silence. Those three words floating with a phantasmical echo.

Ambrose nodded to himself. “And that’s the problem. You sacrifice yourself and your sanity for something that is not entirely up to you. We have help. We have allies. You’re convinced it’s a solitary crusade you need to carry, as if your burden alone to bear when every one of us share it. You’re so used to feeling in pain and tired and pushed to your limits that you can’t let yourself feel otherwise for long. When you’re saving the world, you forget about saving yourself, and you do it because you don’t know how. You put it off. You distract yourself from it. I understand it all too well.”

“It’s too much to shake off. I... I don’t know how to do anything else. You can’t fault me for that.” I sniffled.

He crouched to my level. “I don’t. I’m trying to show you it’s not the only resort.”

“What if it’s too hard?” I whispered.

“That’s why you’ve got me.” He held the back of my head, stroking my temple.

“But you’re... You have Constance and work and your friends. You’ve got your life to worry about already—”

“You’re my life!”

I swallowed.

“It is my highest wish to be there for you, to love you. I mean it.”

“I... I’ve never been someone’s highest wish before.” I swallowed.

“Well... I think— no, I know it is— it’s my fault.”

“What—”

“You were alone. The world was crumbling, and everyone was leaving. And I chose university and finding our father over you. It’s my biggest regret.”

“You said you couldn’t miss it. You had to go. That it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”

“You’re my once-in-a-lifetime experience!” His eyes glimmered in the light with a trembling whisper of a breath. “I get that now. Maybe too late. But damn it, I hope not. Everything has worked out in spite of it, but going back with what I know now, what cost so much to figure out, I would never had made that choice. Never. We would’ve made it work out anyway. Father would’ve been fine. He was fine before I found him. And Constance and I would’ve found each other somehow if we’re meant to be. What I’m saying is... I’m not staying because you can take down Orbis, because you’re an asset, or because you’re still in recovery or even because I feel guilty and you’re my responsibility. I’m staying because I never should’ve left in the first place, and I love you with all I have.” Ambrose’s eyes watered.

I shifted.

His voice thickened from tears. “Despite what you seem to think, you are not an intrusion upon my life or a nuisance. You are my life. You’re one of the reasons I get up in the morning. I would live and die for you. There’s nothing you need to do to make it more true. Not going after Maurice or after Kasim or after these madmen with guns or father, not healing faster or proving you’re superhuman. None of it is going to change what I’m telling you now. Amongst other people, I live for you.” His face was damp. “And even when I get married, I will still be here. I know you’ve doubted these past months what would happen, but you don’t need to.” He steadied his voice. “Do you hear me?”

I nodded.

“I will still be here. On purpose. I love you. With all my will. Every shred. Not because of duty or because I need to. Because I want to more than anything else.”

“I know it’s not easy.”

“I treasure every moment of it.”

“Ambrose—”

“Tell me one time I’ve ever complained or got angry or annoyed about being there for you.”

I looked aside.

“You are not a burden because I am not made to bear you. I chose to be there. It is a weight I hold willingly. I always cherish every moment as if it is the last. I love you like I could you lose at any time. You are worth the effort. You are worth the time. No matter what you do or who you are, you are worth the love. I would not trade anything for any other version of you, and when you finally realize who you are, you won’t either. I want you here, as you are.”

“Ambrose... You don’t mean that,” I whispered as more tears ran down my face.

“Every flaw, every scar, every crack, it’s all gold to me, Fizzy. I’ve pushed you away twice already, and that makes me the world’s biggest fool. But I want to l spend the rest of my life loving you more than I’ve hurt you. You can always be sure of that.”

I wrapped my arms around him.

He held me close. “It’s terrifying to start something new, but I’m right here starting with you.”

“Okay.”

Ambrose rubbed my back. “Let’s go home.”

“All right.” I stood up with him, swaying, eyes responding slowly.

“Come on. I’ve got you.” He picked me up. I rested against his back with my head on his shoulder, almost sleeping again. “All right?”

“Mh-hm.”

It wasn’t much of a walk, but it felt long, and then before I knew it, he gently maneuvered me into his car. My gaze went through the window. No thoughts swirled in my head. The questions had silenced. It was a dead tornado. There was no backup plan, no smoking gun, no way to explain how everything had gone awry too quickly. I had no answers and had become too burnt out to ask any more questions. There was traffic the entire way, and it would take an hour to get home. Ambrose held my hand while he changed gears, occasionally rubbing it to keep me from thinking too much.

“Are you hungry?”

I shrugged a shoulder.

“I stopped by Constance’s flat to move our date since it was on the way, and she was cooking for the week, so she gave me some soup before coming here.”

“Hmm.”

He grabbed a bag from the back seat and set it on my lap. “Try and eat something, Fizzy.” Ambrose ruffled my hair.

I rolled my head to look.

“Brie broccoli soup.”

It smelled good. Cheesy. Creamy. “She made this?”

He nodded.

I opened up the box and took a spoon. It was distracting enough. “It’s delicious,” I mumbled.

“I’ll pass on the compliments to the chef.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

I fell asleep again most of the way, of course.

When we finally made it home, George was cooking in the kitchen. Alice watched How to Steal a Million for the hundredth time. Ambrose and I took the lift to our rooms, not even thinking about the stairs. And now I would’ve merely collapsed in bed sweaty suit and all, which I did. But Ambrose also ran the bath while he took a shower. He helped me out of most of my clothes, and I tried to scrub my skin a little. He took care of my hair. Then clad in pajamas, I fell into clean sheets.

Then the questions came again.

It was a enigma that melted my brain. How did the gold disappear? Who’d betrayed the police? Was Sabrina a double agent? Where did they take my father and who’d told them who he was? Did MI6 have a mole? Had Sabrina been the leak all this time?

I sighed. “Nothing makes sense anymore.” I breathed heavily.

“Still trying to think out a solution?” Ambrose ambled across the room, cleaning up a bit.

“Yes, obviously. But I’m too stupid to see something that’s clearly in front of my nose. Or rather— you know, people can’t really see the front of their nose because our brain edits it out? So if something were on or in front of your nose but wasn’t too large, you wouldn’t notice unless you were looking intentionally at your nose or knew what to look at?”

“You’re not stupid. You’re exhausted. Somehow Kasim will get his men out of custody, and when he does, we’ll have eyes on them.”

“Unless he kills them. Either way, they’re not much of a lead. He’s not that sloppy. I knew he’d come up with something. Whether we tipped him off or not, he knew I’d find out. He counted on it. It was the perfect diversion.”

He pressed his lips. “And the arms deal must’ve gone down by now. They’re on guard.”

I took a deep breath. “I know where the bases are.”

“Hm?”

“Orbis’ secret outposts.”

He raised his brow.

“We can try to find father—”

“And risk getting caught ourselves? You don’t even know which base they’d keep him.”

“I’d try them all until we found him.”

“All very well in theory, but not very practical.”

“Normally I’d care about that.”

Ambrose leaned against the bedpost. “We need to stay clear-headed and form a plan. Take our time.”

“Do you know where Sabrina might hide out?”

“Maybe, but— let’s change the subject, please.”

“Fine.”

“Luke and Lucy are coming in an hour or two.”

“Mmh. Almost forgot about that. Not that you’d give me clearance to tell them what’s going on.”

He shrugged. “Not mine to give.”

“I know.” I sighed. “It’ll be nice to see them all the same.”

“You know what you need?”

“Hm?”

“Sleep.”

I huffed. If only my mind let me. “I ate, took a second nap, cleaned up. That’s more than I’ve done voluntarily in one period of time. And you want me to sleep more.”

“Only because you’re so tired.”

“Hmm.”

Ambrose ran a hand through my hair. “I have all the evidence at my disposal. I’ll go through it and then update you. They have people out looking for Sabrina and our father. I’m not letting you work until you’re well.”

“Pfft. So my only options are: go rogue or take a nap,” I slurred.

Ambrose chuckled. “I suppose.”

“Could you...” I’d have asked him to stay in case nightmares came or worse, but he needed to focus.

“I’ll stay. I just need to get the files and my laptop.”

A minute later, I felt the bed shift. Ambrose kept combing his hand through my hair while he sat up. “Sleep. I’ll be here.”

And sleep, I did. Despite the chaos. The safety made it possible.

Even then, though I needed to rest to function, I couldn’t help my mind trying to process what I’d seen. In sweat and tears, I bolted up gasping. The bed was covered in papers, Ambrose’s laptop on the bed. My brother just entered the room with a cup of black tea. He set it down.

“Nightmare?”

I nodded.

He settled in the space of layer papers. “I can’t imagine how terrible it was. I should’ve been there.”

“You were at work. And you couldn’t have known it would go wrong.”

“Work comes second. I should’ve been there.”

I hugged him, grasping his shirt and listening to his breath.

“We’ll find him.”

“I won’t stop until we do.”

“Me neither.”

I slumped against him.

“You should sleep a little more.”

“I want to find out what happened.”

“Sleep a little more, and I’ll loop you in. You can relax. I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen if you sleep for an hour. We’re not wasting time. I’m looking into it. I’ve got your back.”

“Fine.” I fell back and turned on my side, slowly feeling the exhaustion seep in once more. Ambrose absent-mindedly ran his fingers through my hair while he looked at the papers. The taps of the computer keys and his mumbling drew me into a more relaxed state. If I had more nightmares... I didn’t really remember them. I knew I was safe. I knew Ambrose had it.