The Why

I don’t know why I want it,

But I know that I really want it.

I never really could figure out why,

I tried coming up with something but I couldn’t differentiate between the truth and the lie.

It ain’t not cool to not know, if it’s worth it or not,

I need to know if after reaching there, I would be happy or not.

‘cause it’s like they say, that happiness is all that we chase,

So if it won’t be worth it, then what’s the point of sacrificing it for the race.

The iron here is laughing at me,

I am asking if it’s worth it but I am not really looking at me.

Am I really asking this because I really don’t have what it takes?

Did I really ever wanted it for myself or I was only being fake?

I don’t want to care about what people think of me,

But I really wanna prove them and myself wrong, and that I also can be.

Be someone who earns and is able to take care of their family,

Who can travel the world, make a difference to the earth and live happily.

I know why I want it,

But I hate the ‘why i want it’.

It’s my life, it’s my rules, it should only be my decision,

Only if it were true and I would know the truth,, that what’s the why, with precision.

I also hate the fact that I am not who would have what it takes,

Even if I really try, I feel like I would still run short on time,

I can’t risk to wait more and give it more time,

I would have done that, as before, but a lot is at stake and I don’t want to make another mistake,

And I am tired of being in the race..

Hmm..hmm..hahmm..huhmm..humhum..hmmhmm...

I might be a fool,

For just being in the race and using it as a tool,

A tool to prove the people that I am not wrong,

That I also could also someone so strong.

That I am not just an idiot who fails everything, every time.

That I could just be like them , all secure, healthy and confident and that I could also make it rhyme.

I am done with it,

What if i couldn’t make it?

It would hurt like hell,

The castle of the dream if shattered, would definitely makes my eyes swell,

That’s why I want to know that if it’s worth all the risks and the pain,

Because life is too short to just keep standing in the endless rain,

Hoping for the sun to come out, only to realize then that there’s no gain,

That if I could have danced around the world in the rain, without having to wait,

And that the Sun would be covered by the clouds in the next moment and that it’s not really worth the endless wait only to be this late.

I wish that the truth dawns upon me soon, and clear as a crystal,

That it would feel like warm sunshine on the cold skin during the heavy winters.

Because again life’s too short to be trying to be someone who one is not,

To be someone who I can’t be and would not want.

Huhhmm, hmm, hmm, huhmmumm...

Thank you so much for reading. Your review would be appreciated very much.