Santa Claus and the Christmas Factory

Santa Claus and the Christmas Factory

(I apologize in advance for the constant edits, this is my first big story here; the story is pretty much still the same, just a few changes here and there)

Santa Claus has been around for centuries even before Willy Wonka, but you can easily compare them, as you can Krampus and Slugworth. However, Willy Wonka rewards and punishes children, the ones who behave and the ones who do not to terrifying, humiliating levels. Still the similarities are there. Willy Wonka has his own factory and servants just like elves. Here is a little scary cautionary tale on the repercussions of not acting as you should. Sit back and relax (though you most likely will not) and read this haunting holiday tale. Creepy but not too scary for younger readers, well you be the judge. Notice: since this is a holiday take on a dark Roald Dahl story, a child in this story experiences peril and in consequence great embarrassment, so if you are squeamish to material in the vein of Roald Dahl and R.L. Stine youth literature please read carefully, and if you are entirely into such literature, then enjoy.

Lugam was such a troublemaker. His parents loved him with all their heart, but they grew so tired of his antics year after year, they were a younger couple but not young enough to manage such a disrespectful kid. This Christmas though, his behavior went over the top. No one knew why. Not even his parents did. “If you do not behave Santa will give you coal” his dad told him. “That is right” his mother concurred. “Santa” Lugam laughed off, “I don’t believe in Santa!” Lugam was just twelve, but he knew Santa did not exist from day one. Christmas was special to Lugam’s parents, Hugh and Pam, but New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day were moreover, Hugh was born on January 1st, and Pam was born on February 14th, the days of the holidays respectively, and Lugam was born on January 23rd, twenty-two days between each. They always treasured him as their New Year’s cupid baby.

“Please. I am old enough to know better” Lugam fussed. His father out of nowhere said, “Lugam, you function as if you are still the age of one! Grow up!” It is not as if his parents shouted like that. His dad exasperatedly said. “Hugh!” His wife yelled at him. “He is still a kid.” “Please Pam, he needs to learn to behave properly. This is why the other kids and even teachers laugh at him." The dad rebutted. “I do not even care” Lugam laughed, and he did not, in fact he did not care what anyone thought not even his own parents. Lugam often got in trouble with school, but no one took him seriously to even care. He was the class clown, but no one thought he was funny, at least not in an approachable way.

“Well, it is Christmas eve, and we are going to church, please, please behave yourself tonight” his mother implored. “Whatever” Lugam muttered. Of course, the night did not go well. Lugam managed to break the Jesus Christ in the manager set, the worst part his parents were involved with that church and the set was theirs. That ticked off everyone, his parents took him home and felt extremely hopeless. “We love you, Lugam, we always will, but you cannot keep acting this way” his mom said exasperatingly but softly. “You are infantile” Lugam’s dad added, “You are not a baby.” “But you are so pampered and spoiled” Lugam’s mom added trying to hold him in attempt Lugam would listen and see the error of his bad manners. She hugged him and softly gave him kisses, even his dad gave him a little affection but not too much, “We do not mind coddling you, we always will, we will always love you baby, once our baby always our baby, but you cannot act so ungrateful. You need to start doing things for yourself for a change. We will not always be around to teach you right from wrong.” That night though would change everything, but it was not his mother who would set everything in motion.

That late night, Lugam woke up to use the restroom, the downstairs one, and he saw Santa Claus. “Santa” he said “You are real? Are those presents for me?” “No, they are for your parents, goodness knows they suffer enough.” Santa answered him. “What is that supposed to mean?” Lugam answered back feeling a little insulted. “We shall only see, but here, here is a lollipop at least, just for suckers. A sucker for a sucker if you will.” Lugam just laughed that off and Santa went about his way. “Maybe their new gift will be a baby” Santa joke and continued, “I will be back, believe me.” Santa left sight, as Lugam just continued chucking to himself, “O-k whatever you say Santa.” Lugam shouted before Santa went up the chimney, “Do you have other children to punish?” As if Lugam was a good kid and the only one at that. Santa stopped and thought of a plan. “Are you suggesting you are a good kid, the one and only?” Out of thin air, Santa composed a magic ticket. “Ask your parents to visit this factory, no price charged.” Lugam stopped and asked, “Will it be boring and just be Christmas-like?” “Not at all” Santa assured, “Not at all” and that was not a lie.

The next morning Lugam showed the ticket to his parents. “You and your child are invited to my holiday factory, where we put the “holly” in “holiday.” Come aboard the train on Ivy and Holly Lane, signed Nick and Carol Kringle.” “Sounds like fun, what nice people” Pam cheerily chimed in lightly slapping her hands against Lugam’s shoulders. “Fun” Pam squealed. On the night Hugh, Pam and Lugam boarded the train with. “Show me your ticket and introduce yourself” the conductor said, Nick in disguise. “We are Hugh and Pam Hildegarde, and this is our little big man Lugam”, Hugh said. Lugam rolled his eyes in embarrassment. When they arrived, they arrived at a cold place, the North Pole in disguise. Nick and Carol could not reveal themselves until later.

After Lugam and his parents disembarked from the train, they encountered Nick and his wife Carol. “What is this place, the north pole?” Nick let out a little chuckle. “Hm, not necessarily” Nick slightly lied, “Perhaps something like that though.” “And I suppose you are Santa” Hugh asked smiling. “My wife and I are Nick and Carol that is all that matters now” Nick answered. The couple, parents and the boy entered the factory. Nick introduced his workers, “elves?” Hugh asked. “Yes, well you know just to celebrate the holidays.” Nick let out a smile. “I get it now” Hugh answered with Pam smiling next to him, holding their son, “This is not the north pole. You are not Santa Claus, and these are not elves, it is just show for visitors just to get them into the holidays.” Nick did not want to answer, feeling somewhat insulted, but again, he could not reveal himself. “Just to get everyone in the holiday spirit” Nick smiled. After the pleasant conversation, things were starting to spin.

Nick showed Hugh and Pam a huge sign, “just a waiver” Nick told them. It was a nice and naughty list in fact. “Why are there other names here?” Pam curiously asked. “Other children and their parents visited. All the same policy. Nothing more nothing less” Hugh assured her. “Let us hang up hats and coats here” Carol pointed. Nick and Carol took them on an inside sleigh ride, Lugam giggled in fun, oh was he going to be indulged tonight. Suddenly, they all embarked in darkness, Hugh, Pam and Lugam were terrified. Images flashed all over the factory, Lugam screamed, even his parents screamed, but for some reason were so engaged. The parents and their son saw image such as a witch flying on her broomstick, Santa Claus watching with one used eye, a chopped to bits turkey, a worm crawling out of a Valentine’s Day heart shaped candy box, a leprechaun plucking fairies putting them into his malicious pot of gold, an evil Uncle Sam, and a monstrous Easter bunny. An evil twist on the Night before Christmas poem was recited. Hugh and Pam were terrified, Lugam was nothing but amazed, he thought it was nothing but silly.

After Nick finished the poem, he presented different rooms, “I tried to stop him (which was a lie), but Kramer my twin brother was out to get children, but he managed to only get my elves, but though under unfortunate circumstances they managed to get away. One ate firecracker candies so I had to put him in a freezer where snow cones are made, another in my candy apple room where my pet rabbits put bad eggs in baskets to differentiate from the good ones, or apples with my tasty candy apples (must take out those pesky seeds you know, sometimes I alter between eggs and apples) one elf though fell right in sadly, another elf in the snow set (show set? Get it?) he wanted to be a part of the show but I told him no you cannot you just cannot did not listen so he shrunk becoming a mini snowman (I did manage to stretch him out, he turned from snowman to abominable snowman), a chubby elf tried to eat the gingerbread room told her no she shot up the chimney (that is my job, right?) turned into a gingerbread woman stuffed into a stocking, a mischievous little elf of mine fell into a shamrock fudge machine only to unfortunately be cut into chocolate coins to sell for the pound, another elf tragically stole a piece of pumpkin gum (full of pumpkin dumplings, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin pie) from me told her it was not ready I was still testing it out did not want anyone to turn into a giant pumpkin” (“did she?” Hugh asked, “what do you think” Pam replied) … Nick paused and continued, “It leaves this room, the powder room. It has a lovely milk fountain – alright let us disembark.” All exited the sleigh, Hugh and Pam were in big amazement, “poor elves” Pam shivered, “tragic things happen” Hugh assures her, “I am sure they all turned out alright.” “Did they?” Hugh turned to Nick. “Obviously” Nick said, “but of course leaving them with a very different … course. I will not let anything happen to my workers.”

Hugh, Pam and Lugam were amazed. “Wow” Lugam said with his mother resting her hands on his shoulder. Little did he know what was going to happen. “How does this work” Hugh asked curiously. “Let me show you” Nick answered. He turned on the milk machine, which was dipping covering itself with powder, unbeknownst talcum powder. After the machine was finished, Nick took out the candy cane flavored lollipop. “There” Nick said in triumph. “What an incredible treat to test out” he continued. “Test out?” Lugam said rebuffing. He snatched the lollipop from Nick. “I would not do that kid” Nick told Lugam. “It is not ready yet!” He condescended. “Lugam Hildegarde! Listen to him” Pam said, “We do want to take you back home after all, all in one piece.” “If it is candy it is for me” Lugam said in a mocking little triumph. “Do not do anything stupid son” Hugh said putting his hands on his son, Lugam sighed loudly. “How does it taste sweetie?” Pam asked Lugam. “Delicious” Lugam answered, “Lemons sprayed on roasted geese … (waiting a bit), yum, peanut soup … wow, cotton candy pie.” “I will be worried about that part” Nick said the words coming out with caution but quite ominously. Lugam’s stomach gurgled.

“Baby, your face, your face!” Pam shrieked. Lugam’s face was turning colors, clownish colors, his nose rounding turning deep red. “You are a clown!” Pam screamed. “What else is new?” Nick said in a boasting tone. His hair was turning a mix of yellow, purple and red, becoming curly. Pam squeezed Lugam’s crimson nose, it humiliatingly honked. Lugam’s boy suit turned into a buttoned bodysuit with buttons in line on his stomach and three buttons in a row near his bottom. His belt became a waist belt. His shoes turned into clown shoes. His cap turned into a baby bonnet with a milk bottle. His arm bracelets now inflated arm wings, the kinds some wear for swimming. Pam put her hands on her son, “Baby, what is happening?!” she said in utter shock. Lugam squeaked wriggling. His sounds worsened, hiccups came out, flatulence from his mouth and rectum, Lugam emitted some steam from his mouth as a dragon does with fire. He was not only turning into a clown. “Son, you are shrinking!” Hugh panicked. Pam looked at her son with her eyes agape. “What are you becoming now?” She shrieked. Lugam was de-aging right in front of their own eyes. “Baby, you are a baby, baby!” His mother screamed. Some of Lugam’s hair disappeared but some of his straight brownish walnut hair was still on his head. “Hugh look” Pam screamed to her husband, “Look at his lollipop, it is a pacifier, a pacifier!” Lugam’s colors and outfit stayed the same, but Lugam gradually turned into a one-year-old toddler. “The suspense is terrible. I love it.” Nick said rather calmly. “Great you are enjoying our son’s suffering!” Pam shouted. “You better explain yourself Nick, look at what happened to my kid! I will rip you for this!” Hugh shouted accusing Nick even though it was Lugam’s own doing. “It was his fault” Nick said casting severe judgement. “He is just a child!” Pam shouted again, “He is a curious one, always have been!”

Lugam’s body sounds worsened. Hugh and Pam looked back at their boy with their eyes entirely amazed. “What are you doing now?” Pam screamed. “You are swelling up!” “I feel funny!” Lugam said as his waist belt was struggling to stay on with his parents’ hands moving around near his hips. “Why is not that surprising to me? You are funny! You look and smell funny too!” Nick asked. The waist belt popped off loudly (pop!), "Honey, watch it!" Hugh warned Pam holding her back. Lugam felt extremely ticklish, his arms out to his side rising higher and higher. “Help! Help!” Lugam screamed. “You are blowing up! You are blowing up like a balloon!” Pam shrieked. Hugh tapped on his son’s stomach as if it were a watermelon causing his son to nearly tip over. “Stomach in chest out son” Hugh said rather embarrassingly. As Hugh poked his son, Lugam let out a big burp. “That was rude. Excuse me what do you say?” Pam said chastising her son as if Lugam could control himself. As Lugam’s arms flapped fast like wings. Pam said, “You are blowing up! You are blowing up like a balloon!” “What a buffoon! Silly boy!” Carol said, “He is a pig” Nick mocked after Lugam burped again, “No, he is an elephant!” Carol added, “He is a whale!” “Stop insulting our boy” Hugh accused Nick. “Honey, we need to let the air out of him, fast!” Pam said frantically. “He is going to explode!” Hugh shouted. “That is not air!” Nick said. “I will get you for this Nick!” Hugh warned him. “If it is the last thing we ever do!” Pam added. “Stick him with a pin!” Pam said absentminded to what would happen, “He is going to pop!” Hugh added.

As Lugam got bigger and bigger, his clothes tore, and the buttons on his suit looked as if they were about to fly off one by one, and one by one, they did across the room, slowly and humiliatingly. The buttons on his bottom revealed a giant sized, resilient disposable diaper oddly safety pinned, a diaper larger than life itself. Hugh and Pam looked in pitiful disgust, “Lugam, you are wearing a diaper, a diaper!” Pam screamed. “Are you kidding me?” Pam said frantically and disapprovingly. “What a nitwit!” Nick said. Besides his bonnet, arm floats, and shoes; his diaper was the only thing Lugam still had on. Lugam felt extremely vulnerable and wobbled up and down in his diaper. “Baby” Pam said in deep sympathy embracing her baby boy kissing him on his diaper, Hugh kissed him as well. Lugam clumsily dropped. In a quick moment, his diaper made a loud squeaking noise. Hugh and Pam looked with their ears fully attentive. “What was that?” Pam asked. Lugam awkwardly got back up. “What is going on with your diaper now? It is blowing up too! Your diaper is blowing up like a balloon!” His mother screamed. His parents threw their hands out touching his diaper like mad, feeling inside it and outside from all sides, gently and firmly. Lugam jumped in severe embarrassment trying to get away but of course having nowhere to go. Lugam pleaded with his eyes for his parents to stop but could not say anything, they were his parents after all, what choice did he have. Suddenly, his safety pin was struggling to stay on. His mother, to his greatest embarrassment tickled it trying with no avail to get it off, “Please baby no fussing” Pam condescended, “Hugh, please help me with this!” Hugh joined in. Lugam was red with embarrassment trying to swat them away, scrunching up, unable to move. The safety pin loudly suddenly popped off flying towards a cuckoo clock making the bird pop out, “Pam, look out! It is coming right for us!” Hugh said holding her back. Lugam’s discomforted eyes opened wide with his eyes looking around aimlessly. “Baby, that was dangerous, it could have hit someone” Pam condescended her son as if he could control what was happening. “Prick it with a needle! It is going to burst!” Pam went on. “Somebody, do something, call a tailor!” Hugh said rather stupidly. “Can his diaper get any bigger?” Pam asked frantically, “It is getting too full!” "What is this a blowout?" Hugh asked. Lugam was still antsy with utter embarrassment, more embarrassed than he ever was before. “Baby, stop that now” Pam lightly chided gently patting his diaper, “We do not act like that son” Hugh added, “We are just curious.”

Yes, Hugh and Pam were disappointed, but they were more furious with Nick and Carol than anything else. “Save my baby!” Pam shouted, “It is alright baby, we will see that you will return to your original age, and do not worry, somebody will change your diaper soon, our poor boy is not going to get diaper rash!” As if the last two were the biggest priority. He was a baby again, no way he was going to be himself again. “Do something now!” Hugh yelled at Nick. “Quick, we need to let the air out of his diaper!” Pam said quite concerned banging on her son’s diaper. “That is not air!” Nick said. “It is waste, actually, it is both!” "Keep it in son, keep it in. Think about your mother." Hugh told his son. Lugam was so nervous he lost control of his bladder and uncontrollably urinated and defecated repeatedly as if he could not stop going, as his diaper was getting bigger and bigger. Hugh and Pam leaned in to smell and feel their son. Lugam was so nervous and embarrassed. “Look what happening is to our son!” Pam screamed, “Our poor baby boy!" She paused and resumed softly, "Baby sweetheart save some room for later.” Lugam finally stopped. “Is everything out son?” Hugh asked. Hugh and Pam peeked inside, “yes” Pam said as she and her husband patted his diaper. Suddenly, the tapes on the sides popped open, “oh baby” Pam said deeply concerned, “We have to fix that” Pam held onto the tapes tightly, but before she knew it the tapes attached themselves. “Semper in Pampers” Hugh said. “Not Pampers” Nick said, “Lumpies actually.” “Lumpies?” Pam and Hugh asked in unison. “Yes, new brand.” Nick said. Nick blew his flute, the tune sounding like Willy Wonka’s whistle but additionally, somewhat sounding like pop goes the weasel as well. Lugam’s parents finally finished touching his swollen diaper. Lugam was relieved but was still so humiliated. An elf appeared. “Take this big baby to the nursery, give him a fresh change” Nick instructed to the elf. An elf whispered something into Nick’s ear. “Oh, what is that?” Nick said inquisitively. “What did he say?” Pam demanded. “Unfortunately, we cannot revert your son back to his regular age, but we can at least deflate him” Nick slightly lied. Hugh and Pam were shocked. “At least he is our baby boy again” Hugh told his wife, “No time for jokes honey” she said shyly commenting. “We can put him on covers of parent magazine; we can even put him in diaper commercials” Hugh added. Pam was not amused but her husband did mean well. Pam was just busy worrying.

In a slow and stern voice, the elves started singing to Lugam as the Oompa Loompas did to Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The song also sounded very similar except for a little calliope sound and was a bit slower with harsher disappointment. Lugam was literally the elephant in the room. He was fully round, bigger than everything else, puffy like an idiotic balloon, wearing nothing but a ginormous exposing diaper, feeling more vulnerable than ever. He saw twelve elves circling around him dancing to a condescending beat glancing him all over and eyeing him with so much judgment. Lugam awkwardly waddled circularly as the elves bounced up and down walking around him, arms folded even Nick and Carol were shaking their heads. As Lugam cumbersomely halted, the elves reached out towards him firmly placing both their hands on him, Lugam tipped forwards a bit even before the elves started touching him then returned to his still position. One elf had their hands on his bulged chest, another on the back of his chest, two on his hips, another on his hips from the other side, one near his side touching him between his groin and hip, another on the same area opposite side, two on the back their hands on the same areas, and four in front and back, two on the fronts of his diaper, and two on the backside of his diaper. Lugam humiliatingly and idiotically flapped his hands about, rapidly and continuously. He mouthed “shoo” and his frowning eyes were more discomforted than ever expressing, "do not touch me!" His parents looked genuinely concerned, their eyes meeting each other and holding hands, but his mother did say, “Lugam, you stop that now.” Lugam felt chastised and embarrassed. How could it get any worse. Right? Unfortunately, for Lugam, his humiliation and helplessness were only starting. The elves started singing:

“Munchkin Devilkin kitschy kin.
We have a great puzzle for you so listen in.
Munchkin Devilkin kitschy key.
You are very unwise, so listen to me.
You are a pampered and spoiled infantile.
Treated like an irresponsible imbecile.
Sucking pacifiers and sporting diapers,
No wonder people have such gripers.
You are a clown, a joker, such an imp.
You are so distended, colossal, you’re a blimp.
You are so lazy, what a joke.
To your parents their greatest yoke.
How you live your life is obscene and decadent.
The way your age represents you is so evident.
Having bad manners, you will not go far.
You will not live in happiness, it is true.
Be like us, the Munchkin Devil kitschy kin.
Otherwise, everyone will always have derision.”

The elves rolled him around like a ball, jumped on him like a trampoline, splashing juice around in him. The elves took out yard sticks and started measuring him, as he cooed tightening his bulgy body. As the elves momentarily stationed him, giving a rattle to him. They changed him right then and there, oh was Lugam embarrassed, they powdered and wiped his behind and rubbed lotion on him. Lugam looked around hopelessly, his hands still moving about as if that could change anything. His parents wanted to step in but did not want to interfere, he did need a new diaper after all, Pam sighed and said in approval of what the elves were doing, “You do need a new diaper sweetie. Would that feel nice? Of course it would sweetie.” “Bottoms up son” Hugh added. Next, the elves dressed Lugam in a jumper with a waist sash, a jester’s cap with two pom poms, and a jumpsuit with card shapes and circus colors. “More clowning around? What is this a fun house?” Hugh asked. “No, even though your son is fit for a circus. No … he is not a performer; he is the entire circus” Nick answered in triumphant mockery.

After the elves finished changing Lugam, everyone heard a loud sound as body sounds worsened. Lugam lost five months in age, his hair disappeared, and his coherent speech now gone; all he could now is babble. “What” Pam said in shock. “What is happening to my baby now?” She screamed as Lugam expanded not just in weight but in height as well to elephantine proportions. “He is turning into an even bigger baby!” Nick said with derision. “What a joke” Pam shouted, “You think you are so funny Nick” Hugh added. The waist sash flew off, Hugh held Pam and jumped back. “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come on up and see the biggest, fattest, puffiest baby in the world, the mammoth mammotherpt! Hurry, hurry, hurry!” Nick announced as if he was a ringmaster. “Do they even make diapers his size?” Pam asked. “Well, it was always difficult to fit a diaper on him, he was quite the chubby one when he was a baby.” Hugh said, “it was diaper after diaper, talk about diaper disservice” Pam added exasperatedly. “We do have Lumpies Extreme, diapers just for him” Nick suggested. He pointed out the package. “The baby on the package looks … so familiar” Pam told her husband. Brief pause. “Oh dear, they need to de-juice him” Nick said faking concern. “Is that going to be a simple operation?” Pam asked. “Maybe not” Nick said. “Our baby” Pam screamed. “We will sue you for this Nick, mark my words!” Hugh threatened. “Alright, elves, escort his parents out. (To the parents) Do not worry, no harm will come to him. He will still be a baby, obviously no way ever around that, but he will still be small but large, swollen and obese, no more different than he ever was. … Just a little bit more different for the wear.”

Hugh and Pam left, returning home, furious and sad. “He will come home soon honey do not worry” Hugh assured Pam. Pam started to sob. “Our baby, our baby boy” Pam blubbered. Hugh consoled her. Back at the shop, after some time has passed. Lugam was no longer a giant, but he was still pint sized. He was confused about what was going to happen next as he feared the worst. “O-k, put him on the platform” Nick said threateningly. Elves started surrounding him, a little more menacingly now, Lugam flapped his hands with eyes that said, “No, get away from me”, “Don’t do that – stop”, “Let me go”, and “Leave me alone”, suddenly Santa pressed a button and Lugam was frozen, he was now a baby doll. Days passed, his parents gave up hope and enforcement declared it as a neighborhood tragedy. Suddenly, a strange gift stood on the porch on the day of January 23rd. A clown nosed doll. An unchangeable, indestructible, dishonorable doll who looked just like their own baby boy, dressed in a safety pinned diaper, New Year’s sash, jester’s cap with pom poms, arm floats, and a pair of wings, not being able to move but still think. “It looks like Lugam” the father lightly said with his mother gently in tears, he continued, “Maybe set it in our manager display.” “Of course, we cannot let others see it dressed like that, that will be blasphemous, just so disrespectful” the mother replied softly scoffing his discussion. “Of course, it will just be for us. We can get a new, more respectful looking infant for the manager. Of course.” The mom with much love embraces the doll, thinking of her own baby son, and said with affirmed decision, “Yes, we need to hang onto this … you know, as a reminder, and when we are gone, let it go down in our familial generations, after all – once a baby always our baby.”

I hope you enjoyed my story. I hope it was not too creepy for you. Note: if any material in this story has offended any reader for any reason I apologize, not my intent at all, just a fun cautionary tale I decided to put together, and this story is purely fictitious. It is not based on any of my actual experiences, and any similar or strikingly similar occurrence it may have for someone who reads this story is strictly unintentional. Best to all.