The man who wouldn't cry

The man who wouldn't cried.
A short story By T W Sullins

I've been alone my whole life. Only child to an older couple. 2 months before my 17th birthday my dad died while I was out fishing, alone, of course. My mother close behind because she was his only love. I had no other living relatives and I've never needed any help to take care of myself. I just did it myself. I didn't cry for my father or mother's funeral. It wasn't because I didn't hurt, I did. I just didn't feel like crying. I worked at the saw mill since I was 14 and the foreman said I could stay on after my parents died. I worked there until I was 60. I'm much more slower now but I'm the foreman now so I don't have to work as hard as I did. I've gotten hurt over the years and I move a lot slower now. I've never considered retirement. Working is the only thing I can do but age and injuries caused me to weigh my options. The only thing on this earth I enjoy was fishing, even a bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. I did all the paperwork and I should be done on the 5th of July. I've out lived the foreman that gave my 1st job. He was good man and his family often had me over for dinner or a long weekend. I saw him as a brother I never seen him yell at anyone, even when they messed up. His wife was also a good woman, always making sure I had enough to eat and she patched up my clothes and made sure I showered. I'd forget sometimes. I never schedule myself for anything but work, eat then sleep. He died in the winter. I remember his wife and small daughter cried but I still couldn't shed a tear. She and her daughter moved somewhere, I don't know where. About the time I turned 65, I was on my boat when I saw a sack floating by. It was moving strangely so I was close enough to put out my oar to bring it closer. I pulled it up into my boat. Opened it up and found a puppy. For a second I thought about put her back in the sack. I may not be a crier but I'm no monster. I let her out. She was shaking from being cold. I to was a little cold so I return to shore. I never took care of anything before, hell, I barely take care of myself. I took her home and fed her some scraps from my bait bucket. She seem to like it. I had no idea it was so difficult to take care of a puppy. Many times I thought about taking her to the pound but that's in town and I don't like talking to people. So I let the puppy stay out on the porch. It's enclosed, so no rain gets in and she has a milk crate for a house. After 2 years she's learn my ways are the rules. She doesn't bark, she doesn't beg, and she does not get in my bed. After 7 years of being my roommate I noticed she'd been scratching a lot so reluctantly took her to town to see the vet. She has some kind of rash. Had to be applied 3 times a day. Who had time for that? But I did it. Her skin got better but she was moving slower. I figured it was the weather. I move slower in the winter also. Spring finally got here and I need some meat. We both go out fishing and it was a very good day. I can be fed for a week, I mean we can. Sitting on my boat watching the sunset reminded me of a young girl I liked 45 years ago. I never knew what to say so she did all the talking. She was very affectionate but unfortunately I wasn't. I like having her around but never knew what to say. After awhile she wasn't as talkative. I saw less and less of her but I did miss seeing her. The last time I saw her she said she had to go to the capital for a while. I didn't know she had to go to the cancer hospital there. I never saw her again. I look down at my old boots, she bought them for me because my old boots were too far gone. Dog and I get back to my house and I start cleaning the fish, afterwards I sit in my old chair and dog lays in her bed. I never named her, just called her dog. I wake up before the sunrise and I go make some sweet tea. Dog and I sit out on my porch watching the sun sneak out above the pines, dog by my side. Well dog, we've seen many of these and it's always like the first time. I'm turning 70 next month. I think to myself how much longer will it last? A rare knock at my door. I go see who it is. It's my old bosses daughter. She tells my that her mother passed away and had something for me. It was an old photo album her mother made for me. I never knew it existed. I thank her and she left. I tossed it on my kitchen table and go to my porch with my sweet tea and dog. Not a busy day today but I do need to cut some wood for the winter in 5 months. Dog and I got to get the trees I fell this month and it is easier with the tractor I got 20 years ago and the log splitter too. So days in and days out are pretty much the same. It looks like I'll make it to 71. Climbing out of bed was a little more difficult this morning. Sore a more than usual. Never crossed my mind to see a doctor. Never seen one for over 50 years not gonna start. Dog sitting at the foot of my bed with a look of concern as I was late getting up. I look at her and said I've never been late for work and I'll never be late for for the sun. Limping to the kitchen thinking, I've never ever limped before. I walked it out. I reach for the tea bags on the top shelf and ouch. What's happening? This never happened before. Damn, I'm finally getting old. I slowly get my day started. Get to the porch and the sun finally beats me over the pines. Dog looks concerned again. I tell her it'll be a cold day. Finally get the kinks worked out. I go and finish getting the logs stacked. A little out of breath but I'm done, it only took me a week but it used to take me 2 days. Short day today dog. Let's go fishing. Her tail wags. I go get my gear and she's already in the boat. We're out for only a couple of hours and it's getting hard to see. We should go back I say to dog. I still got about 5 good size fish so it'll be good a couple of days. I might just fish off the docks from now on. We have lunch and I fall asleep in my chair. I wake up and it's night already. Where did the time go? Dog is sitting at my feet, she's never done that before. Do you think I'm getting old dog? I shuffle off to bed, dog follows. She's never followed me to bed before. I'm thinking she must know I'm getting to the end of my journey. If I go in my sleep, I want her to be taking care of. I call the only person who I talk too, the vet. I tell her if she had some time to check on dog this week. She agreed and said possible tomorrow. Dog whimpers as I get in bed, we'll maybe for tonight. I slept the best night I had in years. My dream was my father, mother and that girl were all together at dinner. There was 2 children sitting at the table. I see my mother talking to the young girl and my father smiling and laughing at the children. I hear a barking. That must be dog but it's getting louder and louder. I wake up startled with dog by my side. I pull the covers off and sit up. It's 6am. I knew the sun wouldn't beat me two mornings in a row. I get up with very little pain. I walk with no limp to the kitchen and make my tea. I go to the porch to see the sunlight starting to rise from the horizon. Looking down I don't see dog. Where on earth is she? She's going to miss the sunrise. I set my tea down calling for her. She always comes when I call her. I go back to the kitchen, not there. I go to my bedroom and there she is. Still sleeping? Oh GOD let her still be sleeping. I bend over the bed and I touch her. She doesn't move, she's cold. I close my eyes tight. I turn and sit on the bed. Facing forward out my bedroom door looking stright out to the porch where she used to sleep. Why? Why do I now cry? All this time she watched me from her bed and never tried to jump in my bed? Why was her last night on earth she wanted to be by my side? She never was my dog. I was her human and I cried for her because I was hers. I just sat there stroking her golden hair something I didn't do enough. I hope she knew how much she ment to me. I now know why people cry. I may never see her again and that's why I'm crying. I wrap her in the blanket and walk to the porch so we can both see the sunrise again together. I never cried because I didn't want to see the love people had for me but now I see the love I want this animal to see in me. The sun is finally up past the pines. I'm shaking from the state by the vet. She asked am I ok. I said no, I just lost the only friend I ever had. She touches dog and said yes, she's gone. I said she was cold this morning but we had to see the sunrise together just one more time. She said she can take her if I wanted I said no. She has a place right next to the boat dock where she loved to go. That night I was to tired to stay up. I slowly got ready for bed. I sit on the bed staring at her bed. Another tear slowly goes down a crease on my old face. I lay back looking up at the ceiling. I hear a dog barking, it's too close to be ignored. I get up, still in my under cloths I grabbed my robe. I look towards the dock and see something. I grabbed my flashlight and walked to the dock. I see my boat in the moonlight. Using the flashlight so I don't trip. I make it to the dock and see my boat. I left my fishing gear in for some reason and I've never done that. I think to myself let's go out one more time dog.