Our Island

         "Honey, I did it. I bought us an island."
         "Oh, ha-ha. April Fools. That was pretty lame. Last year's April Fools was much better. You had me there, though."
         "No, Claire, I bought us an actual island. I was walking by the realtor's office this afternoon on the way to the bank, and I saw it advertised. I was curious, so I went in and inquired about it because I thought it was a joke also."
         "And . . what did they say?"
         "They assured me it was a real island. They showed me photos of the island, provided the actual layout, and a certified letter stating all the facts and perks it offered. Oh, love, you would have died if you saw the pictures of it. They possessed a sizable number of photographs, encompassing both close-up shots and aerial perspectives. This is perfect for us."
         "If you're telling me the truth, it had to be out of our price range. Something like that had to be worth more money than we could ever afford."
         "That is what I thought, too. I was on my way out the door when she stopped me. She asked me if I could guess why the owners were selling it. I stated I had no idea, but whatever the reason, they were selling a fantastic item. She asked what I thought they were selling it for, and I gave her an astronomical amount."
         "And what did she say? Did she try to convince you that the price was too reasonable to pass up, but the owners needed to sell it immediately? That is the oldest sales pitch in the book."
         "She did one better. She showed me the sales contract for the island, written in the owner's hand. The bank notarized it."
         "What bank? Something from Argentina, no doubt."
         "Nope. Lawrence Gidtail from our bank signed it. I called him directly and asked if this was legitimate."
         "Really? Now, I am curious. What did Larry say?"
         "He said it was real. He visited the island to confirm its description. He said if he were not involved in the transaction, he would have bought it himself."
         After a long pause, "There has to be a catch. This seems fraudulent. No one would sell an actual island. It has to be illegal, I would think."
         "No, I checked on that too. It is all legitimate."
         Let's stop for a minute. We need a reality check. An island is for sale, by the actual owners. The bank states this is all legitimate. This would be too good to be true if we were millionaires. But we are not, so why did you call me?"
         As I mentioned when I first called, I purchased the island. I knew you would be okay with it."
         An exceedingly long pause.
         "You WHAT?"
         "I know! I'm excited about it, too. I cannot wait till you see it."
         "You bought an island without even consulting me? You are going to bankrupt us. There is no way we can afford payments on an island. Please return to the bank and cancel the transaction before it is processed. We need to consult with a lawyer to have the transaction canceled or voided. I am shocked that you did something like this without consulting me first.
         It's too late; I've already paid them the money. It is a done deal."
         "Oh, my Lord. You used our 401(K) funds, didn't you? That was for our retirement. It is gone now. What are we going to do without that money?"
         "What? No, the 401(K)s are still there. I did not touch them."
         You're not making any sense. What did you use for the payment? Have you been drinking over lunch again?"
         "Well, after purchasing it, I went to the tavern and had a beer. But that was after."
         "Stop. Just stop. You did not buy an island. You're just planning to pick me up because it's April 1st. Right? Please say I am right."
          "There it was, finally. Our island. Our very own island. It looked beautiful above the waves of fog, but there was still one question to be answered: why had they sold it to us for only five dollars?"
          "You bought the island . . How? Why? This is unbelievable. You sonofa . . . . .What did you say? You bought it for only $5.00? An island. A whole island."
          "Of course. That is what I have been trying to tell you. You will love it. I know you will. You've wanted one for a long time.
         I'm not sure I've ever wanted one, but if you bought it, how soon can we go? I want to see it. Maybe stay for a week or two."
         "No need to go see it; I had it delivered."
         "Honey, you're making no sense." How is an island delivered? It is just not possible."
         "Sure, it is. Eddie and Bill delivered it already. This weekend we will bring it in the house."
         "Okay, now I know you have been drinking."
         "Honest, Claire, I am 100% sober. We will remove the old one and install the new kitchen island in its place. Easy-peasy."






Words: 866
Contest: The Writer's Cramp