I don't want to be sad anymore

A free verse poem

As I look into the mirror, all I see is someone, unfamiliar... Someone I've never met. It looked to be a disaster. Hair partially matted, face streaked with tears,
and blood under their nails from the canyons dug into their arms. The scratches, desperate as if trying to scrub away the skin underneath.
After a moment, I accepted that it was me.
That I was no longer myself.
At that same moment, I decided that if I wasn't going to be me, I definitely was not going to be that.
If I had to be anyone else, I would be someone better, someone with a bright smile, and a contagious laugh. Someone who would lighten any room.
Someone happy.
And so, I. Am. Happy.
Is it so wrong to hide away my sadness?
To lock it away so it can't rear its ugly head?
I'm not sad, and I'll never be sad.
Is denial so wrong? If because of it I can live in my skin and ignore the pain for a moment.
Then I. See nothing wrong.
If denial can be my warm blanket in the snowstorm of my heart and mind. Then please, let it smother me.