The Badger

An epic poem about an epic badger

All was not well on that band practice day,
Davie knew Jimmy had something to say.
“I’m quitting the band,” he said with a sigh,
“I’m moving to Swindon, so this is goodbye.”

They shook hands and hugged, all feeling sad,
The rest of the band knew this was bad.
‘Sleep in a Ditch’ was a guitarist down,
And no longer the best band in town.

They held auditions at the town hall,
From morning until night, open to all.
But everyone who tried was really naff,
Chris shook his head and groaned “what a faff.”

They heard all sorts of terrible things,
Like one guitar with only three strings.
An eighty year old who wanted to rap,
And a creepy woman with a headless toy bat.

At the end of the day they packed to go home,
Grunting and goaning and having a moan,
When the door slammed open and a badger strode in,
Jacked in his guitar and made the thing sing.

His paws flew on the frets with awesome pace,
The melodies were magical, the rhythm was ace.
The band stood transfixed at what had transpired,
All started smiling, shouted “Badger, you’re hired!”

The Battle of the Bands was a week away,
So they practiced and played, day after day,
In all that time Badger didn’t speak,
But he’d rock, slide about, dance and leap.

On the day of the Battle, all felt prepared,
They strutted onstage and the audience stared.
They started to play and the crowd went wild,
Threw up the Devil horns and got rather riled.

A music exec. saw them after the show,
He wanted to sign them, they couldn’t say no.
Davie, Chris and Sammy agreed to it all,
But Badger shook his head and held up a paw.

He fist-bumped his friends, picked up his guitar,
Walked down the stairs and out of the bar.
And even though they didn’t know it then,
Badger was gone, they’d never see him again.

A few month later Badger sat in his sett,
Thinking of the gigs and the friends that he met.
He read in the paper that the band made it big,
And told the story of Badger at every gig.