Entry June Personify Contest

Television Remote Woes

Words 312

Television Remote

“Oh my ribs! I do wish they’d be more gentle with me. They poke and prod without a thought for my wellbeing.

It wasn’t so bad when I was shiny and new, when there was just the two of them. But ever since that small one arrived life became much harder. He discovered that if he pressed my buttons something very interesting happened.

I can when remember when he first began to crawl around the floor and discovered me under the sofa, yes, you heard correctly, under the sofa is where I’m usually to be found. Anyway he picked me up, put me in his gummy mouth and accidentally pressed the on and off button. Oh, you ought to have seen his face! He then put two and two together and ever since then, when ever he has a chance, he switches me on—and— off— on—and— off— countless times a day, leaving his sticky jammy fingers prints all over me.

As the most important item in the house I have no idea why the adults don’t have a special place for me instead of always misplacing me. I watch from wherever I have been discarded as they search high and low asking. “Where’s the remote?” That’s the question most heard in this household.

One day last week my worst nightmare came true. The four legged beast picked me up with his disgusting mouth, it was the worst experience of my existence. The smell was dreadful for a start. Can you imagine being mauled and slobbered over? Those great big teeth biting into my backside! It was so bad my batteries popped out. There was hell to pay, I can tell you when SHE found me and saw what he’d done. The beast slunk off to his bed, banished from the family room, it was almost worth the trauma.