This is where I rot - 29.09.2025

These are the bits of me I don’t say out loud. Some of them make no sense. Also TW

Echo, echo, echo, echo *see what I did there, lmao*

Anyways, let's just jump straight into the middle of it. If life/fate/God/Karma, whoever does not want me to end up with him, why do we have to entangle all the time? Like today, he calls me if I can help him out with something, and I do help him out. Today, 2 days before the site opening, I called him late afternoon, saying that I also needed help, and he did. Why? Why do we have to be so dependent on each other's help? *For context, we have a lot of departments, and a lot of sites, and literally anyone could have what we both needed today, but only we had the resources to help*

Gosh, where are my tarot cards? A TikTok tarot lady told me I will end up with him. Must be true. Yaaay, let's fuel my delusions. This is a mystery only Dora, the explorer, can solve. Or Amanda, IDK

It is late at night right now, and we also text even now as I am writing this. Today, he feels bad, like physically bad. Shit, I am already drinking. Welp FML.

Anyways, before he told me, I was proud of myself that I drank coffee today, and was not feeling bad. Then he told me what is up with him. FML, I wish I could just help him. *Also for context, there are 2 people who know what is up with his health, and I am one of them; it is nothing life-threatening, but also not pretty*. Fuck I wish I could help him. So I told him, that since he knows what I feel, I just want to be helpful. If he fells like it, he can also wake me up at midnight.

I think you all know now me that I would do what, fuel my delusions, that I would come by his place, I'd hug him and he would feel sooo much better. *Yea Echo, that obvs would not happen. Are you dumb?*

Anyways, today I stepped on the scale, I am finally under a nice 220lbs, and there are gaps between my fingers. Fuck I forgot the feeling. I deffo feel great about that since old plants are fitting me. Like pants I used to wear 4/5 years ago are now fitting me. Werk. Sorry, today I feel extra gay. However, even if I’m feeling super fruity, I’m still tragically gagged and gooped that he’s not into me or ready for a relationship right now.

Maybe if I lose more weight and gain some muscle?

OHHHHHHHHHHHH, I need to go to Paris, to the city of love, that is where love is waiting for me, right? Or just go to a random club, get hammered AF, and end up in someone's bed? Both sound tempting. Like I know I said a couple of nights ago, I am looking for love and not just sex, but a man has needs. I am at one of those valleys where I want my legs spread and back cracked in half. Or do this to someone else. Hope it is not TMI, but it has been over a month since someone has touched me anywhere. I want someone to breathe into my neck that they love me and, you know, do the devil's dance. Can I say, like to fuck, like not fuck fuck, but fuck.

Anyways, it is lonely. I may be a grown ass man, but it is just my plushies and me in bed. Also binge-playing Amanda the adventurer. That game is good. Also fucked up, but a good game. I would like to compare my current situation to Amanda's. Without a bunch of spoliers. HaMelN is just playing with my head. Hope this makes sense. So tell me, what does Echo need right now? _ _ _ _

I like how I am blurting every single thought of mine. Do I like it, deffo not

I like to be this mysterious piece of fuck, but I'd say that blurting things out on the internet, deffo is making this mysterious.

"AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, will always love youuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuaaahhhhh", now that is deffo true. Even though I have no contact with numerous exes, I still lvoe them, even if they hurt me in the past. You know, once love someone, you always love them. Like, there will always be a special place in my heart for them. Why am I Bri'ish all of a sudden?

Well, I should cut back on drinking.

Let me end on one note.

"You should know I, need someone to hold me close, deeper than I have ever know, who's love feels like a rodeo, knows just hot to take control. When I am vulnerable, he is straight talking to my soul, conversations overload, cuz training season's over"

Echo out.