The Realm of Jealous Gods

Naomi is about to discover exactly what it takes to get ahead.

Failure is a cruel alchemy. It transmutes our cherished dreams into crushing burdens. What once fueled your life fills you with resentment until you give up, or the struggle embitters you to the point that what you once loved is poison in your veins.

Naomi was stubborn, and had never given up on anything. But after six years the weight had gotten heavier. Leaving home at 18 hadn't been an easy decision, but she was fueled by her unyielding ambition. She thought it could carry her all the way, but things were moving backwards now, and she knew she was running out of time. Everything she had been through, working two jobs while auditioning, living with 5 roommates in a two bedroom place, clawing her way slowly up, it felt like it was all for nothing.

Laying on her couch in a stupor, she drank from the half-empty wine bottle on the floor while the TV droned on. Naomi sat bolt upright as she saw someone she knew on the tv, Amanda. It was a bit part as a waitress but even so she was the last person Naomi wanted to see. They had both come to town around the same time and were introduced by a mutual friend. The years they spent as roommates were some of Naomi's happiest memories, her and the other aspiring girls supporting each other. But those memories felt like a dark punchline now, only Naomi and Amanda were left, and Amanda was taking off.

In her darkest moments Naomi considered returning home, but her stubbornness always won. Sometimes losing a dream is freeing, like cutting an anchor, but some people would rather drown with their dreams than live without them. And so she was stuck, stubbornly pushing forward.

The thin ray of hope in her life was a single audition. A week from now her destiny would be decided. It was a simple role, a love interest in a sitcom pilot, a dull midwestern hottie but Naomi saw something in her. She knew who this character was even more than the writers. The script was like a mirror for her, deep down she saw a lost young woman and knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling. The role was hers, she could feel it.

After weeks and weeks of effort it was finally time. Naomi never got used to the audition process, the brutality of it got under her skin. A room full of young women, all them looked like her, all with the same dreams. It was difficult to think of them as enemies, but in this room they were. They all wanted the same thing, and only one could have it. They were all against her and she was against them, not out of any animosity but due to the circumstances. Dragged by the weight of their dreams into a of pitiless contest with only one winner.

Seeing all of them drove home how steep the climb was, and she took a deep breath. After everything she put into the preperation, all the long nights, she read and reread the script until she knew it like the back of her hand. There could only be one winner but she knew it would be her. This role was hers.

“Oh my god Naomi?” A voice came as she left the audition room. Naomi froze. It couldn't be. no no no she though. It was Amanda.

“Hello” Naomi replied coldly.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were for this part. That’s wild.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know you would be here.”

“It was real last minute, my agent called a couple of days ago and got me this audition.”

“That’s so great.” Naomi was filled with rage thinking about how many roles Amanda had taken from her. They had been at audition after audition together and Amanda had always gotten the callback. No Naomi thought, not this time. She had come too far and too much depended on this. She would do whatever it took to keep Amanda from winning.

“Good luck.” Naomi said, smiling at her friend.

“Good luck.” Amanda said back, with the same tone.

As Naomi left the limo she immediately felt her problems melt away. The atmosphere in the house was electric and Naomi could feel the energy of the party. The music coming from the top floor was so loud she could feel the base, it seemed to pulse through her. Everything felt possible, she knew she could make it. The party was up in the Hollywood hills held by some rich guy who introduced himself as a producer everywhere he went. Her friend was invited and convinced Naomi to tag along. Naomi thought it was a good idea to blow off some steam at the open bar.

She wandered around the house in a stupor. it was a spacious three story house and the party spread through most of it. The middle of the first floor was full of people dancing and Naomi decided to join them. As she danced Naomi looked out the window, she could the city stretch out below and the lights seemed to spread out infinitely. She felt like she was in some timeless place, with endless possibilities, it was a night she would never forget.

As Naomi stared mesmerized someone collided with her, her drink spilling all over the place.

"Oh, I'm so sorry" the girl was Alice, an acquaintance she'd run into a few times. They didn't know each other well but they had some mutual friends. Alice looked down at her dress then up at Naomi.

"Oh you're good, it's fine." She said slurring drunk.

"You okay Alice?"

"Yeah I'm fine, just having fun" She yelled the last part while twirling.

"Oh, maybe you should sit down. come on."

Naomi sat Alice down on a chair.

"I was just talking to Amanda, she's really going crazy."

"I didn't know she was here."

"Yeah, yeah she's celebrating. She got some big part or something. oh wait It's supposed to be a secret."

"What part?"

"Some tv pilot or something. but shhh shhh don't tell anyone." Alice said, it what was probably meant to be a whisper but was not.

"She got a tv pilot huh?"

"Yeah. Her agent pulled some strings or something. He's friends with one of the casting people. What a bitch right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Look I'm gonna go you take care of yourself." Naomi wandered away in a daze.

It couldn't be the same pilot right? it had to be some mistake, Alice was really drunk maybe she misunderstood. Her head was spinning, the music and the noise of the crowd suddenly felt intrusive. she needed to get away. Naomi sprinted to one of the bathrooms, she didn't even have time to shut the door before she threw up. Was it all over? This was her last shot. As she sat on the bathroom floor she saw Amanda walking with some friends. Maybe she could talk to her, they could work something out.

She followed after Amanda and her friends, waiting for her to be alone. It was so unfair Naomi thought. It was her role, she worked so hard for it. It was hers. It was hers. Naomi wasn't sure what she was going to say, she just needed to talk to Amanda. Amanda went up the stairs and Naomi followed, all the way up to the third floor Balcony. The party was only on the first and second floors, the entire third floor was dark. But then the rules never mattered much to Amanda. Naomi crept through the third floor keeping her distance. She saw Amanda standing at a third floor balcony, smoking and looking out over the city. Amanda looked over at Naomi.

"Hello?" she called out into the darkness

"Oh, I'm sorry it's just me." Naomi said stepping out into the moonlight.

"Oh what are you doing up here?" Amanda said startled

"Oh, sorry I just wanted to talk."

"Oh, I guess you heard the news?"

"Alice told me."

Amanda took a drag off her cigarette looked out over the city lights below exhaling slowly.

"Come to congratulate me?"

"I, I don't know." Naomi said looking down

"I guess, I thought I did really good in the audition and I thought."

"you want me to drop out?" Amanda said

"I don't know, I guess it's been tough and we were friends and I thought maybe."

"We were roommates." Amanda said

"Oh, I'm sorry?"

"We were roommates, we weren't friends."

"Oh, uh" Naomi could feel the sting of tears in her eyes as she stood there stumbling over her words. It was over. It was all over.

Amanda put out her cigarette and walked toward the door. Naomi whirled around and grabbed her arm.

"That was my role! You stole it."

"Get off" Amanda shouted shoving Naomi

"what the fuck's your problem?"

"It was my role, but you got your agent to pull some strings. Is that how you get your roles?"

"So what? I used my connections. You don't have any because you don't get work."

Naomi slapped Amanda in the face. She reeled back, a shocked look on her face. then her shock gave way to rage as she rushed Naomi the two of them tangled up together. Amanda grabbed Naomi by the hair and pulled her back. Naomi squirmed in pain, and reached out grabbing Amanda by the ear and pulling. Amanda shrieked and shoved her to the ground.

"you psycho bitch." She shrieked holding her ear, blood dripping through her fingertips. She kicked Naomi hard in the stomach.

Naomi laid face down on the ground as Amanda loomed over her. She looked at the bloody earring in her hands.

“Maybe you should just go home.” Amanda said as moved toward the door.

Naomi saw everything slipping away from her, it was like she was in a nightmare. She looked over at her hand and saw the light reflected in the earring, in the blood dripping over her fingers. Everything seemed to stand still, as she felt the warmth run over her fingers, the blood dripping inter her palm. She saw everything in it, a primal truth echoing through time back to her. Something ancient pulsed through her and she knew what she had to do. She leapt to her feet and shoved Amanda hard. She staggered back, and tried to steady herself but when her foot hit the ground her heel snapping sending her stumbling right over the rail.

Naomi watched her body hit the ground and roll down the hills kicking up dirt as it disappeared into the darkness. The fog of rage subsided, and Naomi couldn’t move. What had she done? She stood there frozen for what felt like an eternity. She needed to leave but she couldn't move. Her mind was racing. Oh god oh god she thought. Then she looked at her hand again, still clenched around the earring, her fingers stained with the dry blood. She had come this far; she couldn't let it end here. She put the earring in her purse and hurried downstairs to the party. She avoided the crowds making sure she wasn't seen.

She slipped into the bathroom and washed her hands. She felt numb, like she wasn't really there. But she had to do it. She had to. She did what she had to do. She kept replaying that scene in her head over and over. Had anyone seen them together? Did anyone see her on the balcony? oh god oh god she thought. She went and got another drink to steady herself. She waited for half an hour before leaving the party. She found Alice and a friend chatting and told them she was leaving.

Naomi woke up next morning, everything felt like it had been a dream. Had that really happened? No she couldn't have. she had too much to drink, it had been a dream. She tripped over he purse as she got up. the earing rolled out. No. Naomi thought. She picked up the earring, there was still a little dried blood on it. Oh no, should she get rid of it? how and where? no no no she thought. She needed to calm down, to think. She needed coffee.

The body had been discovered early in the morning. Naomi read the story on her phone, her neglected coffee growing cold as she read every detail. She should've felt guilty but she didn't feel much of anything. It felt like a dream. She thought she should get rid of the earring, to get her story straight. She spent the next few weeks pacing in her apartment. trying to live her normal life all the while expecting a knock on her door. She saw herself being led out in handcuffs, the story in the papers. but it never happened. The cops never showed up. The death was declared an accident due to Amanda's high blood alcohol level, and the snapped heel. They concluded she had tripped and fallen to her death.

It had been two years, and Naomi sat on her balcony smoking. It was 1 am and she couldn’t sleep. She still had the earring, and she moved it around in her fingers admiring it in the moonlight. Maybe she should have gotten rid of it, but she never could. It was a reminder of that night. A reminder of what the world required of her. She still never felt guilty. She had only done what Amanda had, she had taken what she wanted. As soon as the news broke that Amanda had died Naomi got a callback, the part was hers. The pilot was picked up and the show became a massive hit, with Naomi's performance gaining critical acclaim. She got other roles off of it, she had a momentum to her career that didn't seem to slow. But Amanda was also gaining attention.

There were numerous podcasts and youtube videos about her mysterious death. Rumors and legends. She had become a tragic figure. She had been 27 when she died and that only added to the mystique as the newest member of the 27 club, like Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain. There were vigils, podcasts and even conspiracy theories. The earring played a prominent role in a few, many taking it as proof she was murdered. But authorities concluded she lost it when she rolled down the hill. She had a lot of cuts and scrapes from rolling down the hill. There was a perverse fascination with it, this beautiful young woman now mangled.

Naomi took a drag off her cigarette. She had everything she wanted, now she had to keep it. Obscurity was around every corner for her and it would only be worse as she got older. But Amanda was now eternally young. Like someone frozen in time she never had to worry about what came next. She would live on forever in people's minds, her potential never having to be realized. She could never disappoint, never fall out of favor. She was a star forever now, and Naomi would always hate her for it.