Nothing At All

Anne would do anything to get away from her nightmare.

The nightmare vomited into Ann’s mind, choking her with its rush of horror. “Go away,” was a whispered agonizing wheeze. She sank into oblivion.

The next night she faced the same violent cracked mirror. Broken images danced in surreal flashing color, celebrating her hopelessness to endure. “I’m NOT lost. It was all a mistake,” she whispered her dry lips into agonizing silence.

Her parents made her go to bed when the lights went off. The storm echoed its warning of what was to come. Ann didn’t think slumber was a possibility. It overtook her in the dead of night like the beast it was.

A flash of lightning woke her to the face of her mother. It was a mask of weariness yawning at her. “You screamed. It’s all right. It was just a dream. Go back to sleep.”

Ann lay in her sweat stained, knotted up sheets, unable to move. Her thoughts were disjointed skeletons battling each other with their own white bones. “I can’t go back and fix it. Stop doing this to me.” She knew the secret was doing it to her.

The monster came yet again. She’d barely closed her eyes. This time it shoved her into math class in her nighty. Ice cold skin trembled as her classmates began to point and jeer.

It was a prelude. The hungry nightmare beast wanted to warm itself with her fiery fear. “Not again. I can’t take it anymore.”

This time it brought her father, tainted with anger. “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you let us sleep. You’ve even got the neighbor’s lights on. They’ll think I’m abusing you and will call the police.”

Ann’s mother came in. “Here.” She held out a fist. “Take this sleeping pill.” There was no glass of water floating next to the hand. Her throat was too dry. It got stuck half way down and tried to strangle her.

Somehow the slaps on her back got it down. She walked like a zombie in the morning and remained that way all day at school. Night fell like an axe falling that she couldn’t avoid. Another pill and she died away into a solid black wall.

It made the monster worse, more vivid, she made the same mistake again and again. Daylight scorched her inner vision, leaving her an empty wasted vessel holding the hidden secret like the poisoned seed it was.

“I can’t go to school. I’m sick.”

“You are going. You’re father and I have to go to work. We can’t leave you here alone. How would we explain that to the neighbors? It’s impossible to get a sitter on such short notice. Get dressed.”

She wore the same clothes she’d worn yesterday. She smelled. Her friends avoided her. Ann thought about not returning home to face her bed and its nightmare lurking around her crumbling life.

Ann froze when her English teacher called her name. “What?” She’d been half asleep.

“Ms. Penny, the school counselor wants to see you. You’re excused.”

Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Her feet wouldn’t work is all. She stumbled, dizzy, standing up and lurching forward like the Zombie she was.

Whispers followed like hornets stinging her with their venom. “Quiet class. Don’t be mean. Anyone could have a mental health problem.”

“You don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you right now. I’m referring you to a psychiatrist. I’ll call your parents and let them know we feel you need professional help.”

The psychotropic drugs numbed her into a mindless blank roboticon. No longer a moaning frightened zombie, Ann felt no feeling at all. she functioned by learned, unconscious, sterile habit. Her parents were pleased. There was no more tortured screaming out into the night.

The monster whispered in a new voice to her during the day. It was impossible to not listen to. In a way, it was good to have company. No-one else would talk to her. They treated her like the object she had become.