The Night That Changed My Life

Reflections on loneliness, rejection of religious dogma and self-enlightenment

The moon was shining above me - a divine kind of beauty. Everyone envies her, yet no one feels the sense of belonging that I do. I am alone. I am sad. I am not accepted by anyone. Just like her. They all turn toward the sun. They contemplate the sun and only the sun. They believe it is the only thing that sees them. And in a way, it is - because they are all the same.

Some people go through life by a rulebook - a holy one, to be exact. Their lives are already written - they only need to obey and perform them. These are not moral teachings. They are criminal ideas that destroy freedom. This is not a book of self-improvement. It is a living death.

It is hard to be different. So hard. And harder still because you will be mocked for it. “Pagan.” “Satanist.” “Anti-Christ.”
But you are none of these. You are only seeking knowledge - knowledge that improves your life for real, for you. Not for someone else who promises salvation while threatening with an eternal lake of fire. You seek peace. You seek sleep without fear. Just that.

There will be moments when you want to give up. When you feel you cannot go on. But here is the truth: don’t. If you give up, they win. And the real loss is not their victory - it is yours. You only have this life, and its purpose is self-enlightenment. Walk away from it, and you will have to begin again, over and over.

And to return there - to the place where you were judged for existing. Where you were told that who you are is a sin. How can being yourself be a sin? Surely, no one thought that through when they wrote that book.

They made you cry. Every night. Every day. And for what?

You have the power to be who you are and to face those who refuse to accept you. It is painful, exhausting, terrifying. I know. But it is the only way to survive. Imagine yourself years from now, looking back at every moment you endured, every time you stood your ground. Imagine that quiet pride. That feeling of having been yourself from the very beginning to the very end.

Then you will say:
“I won. They lost. Why did I ever care? I won. That is all.”

Wait - what just happened? Where did all of this come from?
This is a revelation.

Think of all the people who died unhappy. We are not condemned to the same fate. We have the potential to be different. To be ourselves. This is power. These words are power. You are power. Everything beyond religion is power.

I wake beneath the warm, pale light of the full moon. I look at her again. Perhaps I am meant to love her, not the sun. The sun is for the weak - for those who want to resemble everyone else.

But I want to be unique.
I want to be like her.
And for that, I love her.