Foster Parenting

Foster parenting, what gives this title an often undesirable connotation, especially for older generations? It is one of the most rewarding undertakings a person can do for tomorrow's adults.

Children are in care for many reasons, mostly not good ones. They are also in care for various lengths of time and it is the long term ones that are the most difficult because they are the most unloved.

The first official foster child that I cared for was a little three year old boy in respite care (one weekend per month for three months). He was also the child that made me wonder why I had ever said "Yes" to fostering. He was a handful, that's for sure. My husband and I counted 24 tantrums on the first Saturday because we wouldn't give him lollies and biscuits every time he wanted them. Sometimes it is hard to find the rewards but when this child's father came to pick him up at the end of each weekend, it was the heartfelt gratitude and air of relaxation of the man that was our reward. We had helped a man find rest and enabled him to be a better father through having a break from such trying behaviour.

The next two we had were brothers, one year old and four years old. They were the most gorgeous, well-behaved, mild, well-mannered, sweetest ... you get the idea. Beautiful children raised by a lovely mother who needed time out from three boys under six years of age. We looked after them for respite care for nine months and it was sad to see them for the last time. These two were easy to get attached to and this is one emotionally difficult side to foster parenting. The children are not yours, the care will eventually cease. Then you are left to deal with the broken-heartedness of saying goodbye. It is not easy, but, oh, so worthwhile. I will never forget them. They shall always be a pleasing memory for me.

Our latest child has just turned three. He is the most lovely puppy-brown-eyed child you have ever seen. He is a 'long term care' child. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Those hours and days can go pretty slowly at times when you hear a zillion times a day "I want Mum". What do you say? Not much. Just reassure and love to the best of your abilities. I don't know how long my husband and I will have him for. It's been over two months already. The child now calls us "Mum" and "Dad" but it was a long time coming. What a sweet reward, worth the occasional temper outburst, tears and frustration.

Why do I do it? Pure and simply it is that I love children. Sure, it is tough. But how could I look into the face of a neglected child and say I don't care what happens to you? I hope one day that some children will return as adults and say, "I remember you, we had fun," or simply "thank you for caring."