A Day in the Office

I walked through the corridors of my building, making my way to my office. I have to remember to turn up the heat. I couldn't see the sweat and steam rising from the employees that day. I wasn't having a very good day, until I heard the agonizing screams of the poor souls doomed to spend the rest of their lives in the cubicles. I'd like to think of my company as being fit for the long run. After all, everyone who joins is here for all eternity. You see I'm in the "soul business".
As I entered my office, I my secretary handed me new messages. In the past hour, we had 17,000 new recruits. Car accidents, drug overdoses, medical problems, it's all the same. I sat down at my desk and began the whole purpose of my day at the office.
Being in a business, I have to watch out for the competition. Keep an eye out on what they're up to. Constantly coming up with new innovations to win new customers. Lately, however, my competition has been in an uproar about something I didn't even have a hand in. Judging by their reaction though, I wish I had been behind it.
Shuffling through my desk drawers, I pulled out what I had been searching for. It looked pretty harmless. I mean, it's a children's book. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Looking at the cover, I tried to find some of my trademarks, a pentagram perhaps, something to show that I was responsible. Needless to say, I didn't find anything. So what had all these God-lovers so upset about?
I spent the entire day reading that book, and I can honestly say that I hate it. I have to admit, I got a little upset. I think the repairmen are coming in today to replaster the wall. I was almost used to that chair shaped hole I left there too. You should see my new chair, top of the line, real leather and everything. Very nice.
Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, I loathe that book. To think such an awesomely powerful wizard like that Voldemort guy could be defeated by a little baby. And of all things, by the power of love? Ha! I sounds like the same old dribble most of these kids are fed everyday. Good fights evil, evil looses. Where are the pain, suffering, death and violence? Sure, there's some of magic in there, but it's so misconstrued and bumbled I couldn't even figure out how it works. The author probably just made up those words. No self-respecting wizard of my order would give this book a second glance. It has no real magical merit.
Ah, this whole good against evil battle. Why does my side always have to lose? You know, maybe it's not a total loss. I mean, look at how these Christians are fighting against each other. If they are so bothered by a book that isn't even influenced by me, so that they are becoming divided, then I must be gaining some ground. And if they spend their time and energy on this, then I can gain even more.

Disclaimer: I am trying to show the whole controversy about Harry Potter as being something irrelevant to the Christian purpose. I am a Christian myself, and I do believe there is a certain power that Satan has, and I am not trying to make light of that.