The No Monster, The Please Police and...

----- For Molly and Hal -----

"I'm tired of that story," said Elizabeth pointing
to the worn, red book that her Father was
holding.

"Me, too," said Joey. "We heard that one
gazillions of times. "

"We want a new story," demanded Elizabeth.

"A story about a little boy," added Joey.

"Okay," said their Father. He put the worn, red
book onto the arm of the sofa and said, "This
is the story of The No Monster."

----- The No Monster -----

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who
always said, "No!" His mother asked him to go
brush his teeth and he said, "No!" His father
asked him to clean up his room and he said,
"No!" His sister-"

"That's me!" said Elizabeth.

"Yes," said the Father, "that's you. Now back to
the story. "

His sister asked him to help her play Barbies
and he said, "No!" The little boy even said
"No!" to questions that weren't yes or no
questions.

His friends at school asked him what he had
in his lunch bag and he said, "No!" The
teacher asked him what time it was and he
said, "No!"

This little boy was the No Monster. No matter
what you said or asked, he would respond,
"NO!"

He lived in No Man's Land. With Nobody. He
knew Nothing. But he Nos Everything.

"Get it?" asked the Father.

Elizabeth nodded. "N-O, as in says 'No!' to
everything and K-N-O-W as in 'understands'
everything. Know and No are homonyms."

"Hornmy-nims," repeated Joey, wanting to get
back to the story.

'"Right," said the Father. "Very good."

Millions of miles away, up in the tallest tree in
the biggest forest lives the queen of the
fairies. It is her job to rid the world of No
Monsters. But she was busy that day, so she
told the youngest, newest fairy to go to the little
boy's house and make him stop saying "No!"
to everything.

"But I don't know how!" said the smallest fairy.

The fairy queen said gently, "You're a smart
little fairy. You will figure it out soon enough.
Now go."

So the smallest fairy flew all the way to the No
Monster's house and did her best to try to get
the No Monster to say "yes."

"I am a fairy," said the fairy.

"No! " said the No Monster.

"I'll play a game with you, if you like," said the
fairy sweetly.

"No! " said the No Monster.

"I'll sing a song for you or do a dance for you,"
said the smallest fairy.

"No!" said the No Monster,

The fairy couldn't think of any way to get the No
Monster to stop saying "No!" She almost gave
up, but then she had an idea.

When the little boy was eating dinner, she
started making a fairy cake. And if you have
never eaten a slice of fairy cake, then you have
never had the sweetest, fairiest dessert in the
world. It's pure white on top and chocolate
inside. Unless you don't like chocolate, then it
isn't. In fact, every bite tastes different and is
always exactly what you want to taste next. But
most importantly, the fairy cake looks as good
as it tastes.

All through dinner, the little boy watched the
fairy make the fairy cake. He watched her drop
candy sparkles all over the top, wrap candy
ribbons all around the edges, and sprinkle
fairy sugar over everything. His mouth watered
when he thought how wonderful the amazing
fairy cake might taste.

Then, when the little boy was done with dinner
and had put his plate into the dishwasher, the
fairy asked him, "Would you like a piece of my
fairy cake?"

For a moment the boy said nothing and it
looked like the No Monster would win, but then
the boy smiled as sweetly as he had ever
smiled before in his life and said in a very
small voice, "Yes, please."

And that was the end of the No Monster.

The two children clapped.

"Did you like the story?" asked the Father.

"Yes, " said Elizabeth quickly.

Joey wrinkled his nose, smiled a devilish
smile, and yelled loudly, 'No!"

They all laughed.

-------------

"Now tell us a story about a little girl," said
Elizabeth.

"How do you ask for something?" chided the
Father.

"Please!" said both the children quickly.

"Yes," said the Father. "And that is what this
story is about. It's called The Please Police."

"Ha, ha!" chuckled Elizabeth and then looked
at her brother. "Get it?" she asked. She
explained slowly, "The pah-leeeaze
pah-leeeece."

Joey nodded, wanting the story to start.

----- The Please Police -----

It was a Saturday morning. The little girl woke
up early to watch cartoons. After a little while,
her Mother came into the television room and
asked her if she wanted pancakes for
breakfast. The little girl simply nodded.

Soon, her Mother came back in the room and
put down a steaming plate of pancakes, a
bottle of syrup, a fork and a napkin.

"Drink," said the little girl.

"In a second," said her Mother, as she left the
room. Maybe the Mother was sleepy that
Saturday morning. Maybe the little girl was
caught up in the cartoon. But either way, the
little girl had done something wrong and her
Mother did not correct her.

"She didn't say 'Please'," explained Joey.

"Uh oh!" said Elizabeth. "Now I know what's
going to happen next!"

As soon as the Mother set down the glass of
orange juice, the siren started. It was very soft
at first. Weee-yeee-yeeee.

The little girl watched her cartoon carefully to
see if the siren was coming from the
television. It wasn't. The siren got a little
louder. Weee-Yeeee-Yeee.

The little girl listened as the siren got closer
and closer, louder and louder. Weeee-yeeee!
WEE-eeee- YEE-eeee!

The little girl looked out the window to watch
the police car or fire truck or ambulance go by.
But even though the siren got closer and
closer - WEeEe-YEeEe! WEeEe-FEeEe! - she
didn't see anything coming up the street.

It sounded as though the siren were right on
top of her and yet she still saw nothing in the
street. WEEEE-YEEEEE! WEEEE-YEEEE!

She heard a squeal of tires and when she
turned around she saw a tiny blue and white
car, about the size of a small toy box, pull up
right behind her.

A man, dressed in what looked like a police
outfit, stepped out of the car. He was the size
of a Barbie or a GI Joe.

"Please put your hands where I can see
them!" he said in a squeaky voice.

The little girl looked at her hands, then,
confused, showed her hands to the little man.
Finally, she asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm a Please Officer. Part of the Please Patrol.
Whenever a child forgets to say 'please,' it's
our job to see that they are punished."

"Punished?" asked the little girl.

"I'm afraid so," said the Please Officer.
"Please drop and give me ten."

"Ten push-ups?" asked the girl.

"No. Ten pleases."

The little girl shrugged, sat on the carpet and,
counting each one out on here fingers, said,
"Please, please, please, please, please.
Please, please, please, please, please."

"Now," said the Please Officer, "please tell me
what you say when you want something?"

"Please," said the little girl.

"That's precisely right," said the Please Officer.

"But why?" asked the little girl.

"Why what?" asked the Please Officer.

"Why do I have to say 'Please' for something
like orange juice. I don't even really like orange
juice."

The Please Officer didn't even blink before
answering. "It's not for you. It's for the person
who gets you something. Because it was nice
of your Mother to get you the orange juice. And
if you want her to get you more things in the
future, you should be as polite as possible."

The little girl hung her head. "I'm sorry," she
said softly.

"Don't tell me," said the Please Officer. "I'm
just doing my job." With that, the Please Officer
jumped back into the tiny Please Car and
sped away.

The little girl finished her pancakes and
orange juice and took her plate and glass into
the kitchen where her Mother was reading the
paper.

"Mom," said the little girl.

"Yes dear?"

"Thanks for the pancakes and the orange
juice. Can I pleeeeeeeaaaaasssse have
some more?"

And to this day, the Please Police have never
had to visit that little girl's house again.

"Yay!" yelled the two children together.

------------

"Can we have another story?" asked Joey. And
then he quickly added, "Please?"

"Sure," said the Father.

"About a little girl and a little boy this time,
please?" asked Elizabeth.

"Sure," said their Father again. "This one is
called the Big Tickle."

----- The Big Tickle -----

Once upon the time there was a little boy and
a little girl. They were sitting on the couch
listening to their Father read bedtime stories,
when-"

"Oh, Nooo!" screamed Elizabeth as she
jumped up off the couch. "I know how this
story ends!" Elizabeth ran to her bed, jumped
in and hid under the covers.

The Father looked over to Joey, who suddenly
understood why his sister ran away and he,
too, jumped off the couch, and ran out of the
room yelling, "No tickling! No tickling!" Joey got
in to his bed and hid under his covers.

The Father smiled to himself, yawned softly,
stretched, and slowly got up off the couch.
Then he kissed both of his children good night
and wished them, "Sweet dreams."

The End.