Girls Night Out

I am between men now. I hate being alone so I jump from one relationship to another. After a breakup, I go out with my friends or hang out with family. Each time I swear that I will focus on me, forget men, and be an independent woman. That lasts for a couple of weeks and then I am back out there searching for a man.

As the door to December opens, the holiday parties are right around the corner and I am in desperate need of a man. My girlfriends convince me that to find a man we must go dancing. Our favorite club down on Fifth Street is under renovation so we decide to try a new one. Christie says she knows of a great club but isn't exactly sure how to get there so we grab the road atlas and head out the door.

The rest of us haven't heard of this club, Blood Ties, which is a little scary because Christie hangs out at some strange places. She heard about the club from a friend at work so we all hope that it is safe. Janice is looking over the map and giving directions to Jillian. This doesn't seem to be helping as we've driven around the same block three times in the last fifteen minutes. To prevent becoming a back seat driver, I turn to Stacy for distraction.

Stacy has been dating the same guy for the last two years so it should be safe to ask her for a little relationship advice. "Stacy, how did you manage to find such a great guy? I always end up with men who are commitment-phobic or just plain losers." She smiled serenely and responded, "Easy, I just follow the rules of attraction." "Oh, there's a list? You mean all this time I've been searching for Mr. Right I was supposed to be following a set of rules? No wonder I'm alone...give me the list."

By this time the entire car was listening to our conversation and Jillian chimed in with her piece of advice, "Girlfriend, don't listen to her, her mother set her up. Men are like public transportation, available to all who are willing to wait. You'll find yours, just give it time." "Jillian, time is the one thing I do not have. I have parties to attend and I will not go alone. So tell me, if men are like busses, then how do I catch one?"

Amidst all the laughter, Christie points out that we have just passed the club and should now concentrate on finding a place to park. This is not easy in the District of Columbia, but we were lucky and found a spot two blocks away. After parking, we all took a minute to check our makeup and compliment each other on how great our clothes were and more importantly how fantastic our bodies looked in them.

As we get closer to the club, Janice immediately starts cracking jokes about all the people around us. This is typical Janice; she is always the comedian and keeps us laughing. There are several people hanging out in front of the club, most are pierced in multiple places and have unique hairstyles. "So this is where the wild things are hiding," she whispers to Stacy, loud enough so that we all hear but not so loud that she gets her ass kicked by the wild ones. We all giggle nervously and look at each other. Stacy decides to get in on the act by adding, "Yeah, it's like a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I hope Jack Nicholson isn't in there, he really creeps me out."

Whatever was inside couldn't be any more bizarre than the crowd standing outside so we plunged ahead and opened the door. I am last through the door and come through just in time to catch Janice's latest comment "Oh look, it's the return of the king, dude's trying to look like Elvis with that hair." The music drowned out any further comments that she might have made as we push through the crowd to the bar.

I order a drink; I'll need a strong one to survive this place, and start looking around. The lights are flashing and people are on the dance floor but I am not familiar with the dance moves happening. I decide to hang out at the bar while the rest of the girls go out on the floor to get their groove on. While waiting, a very inebriated guy bumps into me. He is smiling and because he seems harmless, I smile back. He is talking but I can't hear him over the music so I lean in closer.

Apparently this is a sign that I am interested because the next thing out of his mouth is "I've got a wocket in my pocket just for you baby." Because he is too drunk to say the word rocket, I doubt that he could do anything with it and I told him so. He doesn't take offense, just looks down at his crotch mournfully and sighs. At this point, the girls came back and he stumbles off to his next conquest.

Shortly after, we decide to leave the club, as it isn't our sort of crowd. After going to several other clubs and not finding me a man, we decide to call it a night. Janice is the designated driver so she drops us all off at our respective homes one by one. I am the last to be dropped off and as she is driving away, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "So long, and thanks for all the fish." This is an inside joke that would take more time to explain than it's worth but it has me laughing all the way to the bedroom, alone again.

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