Memories

The weather was terrible. The rain was a constant downpour and
here I was driving in it. Now I don't know why I was driving in this
horrible weather when I had a nice home to go to. True it was an empty
house, no one there to greet me as I entered, not even a small pup. I
wasn't missing anything at home but I couldn't understand why I was
driving down an abandoned road. I felt like something else inside me
was taking me somewhere. I didn't feel as if it was my body anymore,
just a vessel for something else. I continued down that road, unsure
of my destination, but comfortable with my surroundings. When I
pressed down on the brake was the first time I felt anything in a long
while.

I looked around and I realized that I was stopped in front of my
old house that I once shared with my love. I smiled as I remembered
the times we shared together there. My eyes started to glaze over with
tears. I could see our old room from the road. Our room was our
sanctuary. None of our little fights started or came into the room.
That's all they really were, just small little fights. I still
remember her face as she chased me around the house. I was the
smallest one as well as the quickest. I always would let her catch me
though, seeing the sweat on her face and her heaving chest as she
caught her breath was my motivation to make her chase me. The smallest
thing would trigger it. A kiss on teh nose and calling her cute.

I wiped away the tear that escaped my eye. I thought I saw a
figure move in teh kitchen window. My eyes went from the top left
window to the bottom right window. A woman's figure was flailing her
arms trying to get her point across.

A bright white flash suddenly came and I closed my eyes. When I
opened them I saw the kitchn and myself as I looked three years ago. My
hair was a dark shade of brown and to about my mid-back in length. My
glasses that I always wore were in my hands, my eyes were red and puffy,
I was crying.

"Kayley please. It's not your fault!" I cried
"Explain how it isn't!" She replied
"Did you mean to?" I asked
"NO! Of course not! Do you think I'm an idiot?" She yelled and
half turned from me. Having her do that broke my heart again. I
couldnt' stand having her this upset.
"No, that's not what I said or implied!" I yelled and allowed my
arms to flail.
"What was it that you implied?"
"That you didn't mean it!"
"Why didn't you just say so?!"
"I did!" I yelled back slightly confused.
"LIAR!" She yelled at me and it was so sudden and shocking when she
slapped me across the face. I knew she was getting upset and was really
boiling over. We have been yelling for an hour before this. When her
hand connected with my cheek I slowly looked to her, my eyes brewing
new tears. My hand went up and covered that cheek I suddenly turned and
ran out.

I still remember the look of horror and disgust in her face. She
never once hit me before and I knew as soon as she did it she regretted
it. I ran out into the rain and fell to the ground crying. It was almost
lost in the thunder but I did manag to hear her.
"CANDACE!!" That was the last I heard from her before the bang.

I rose from my spot and ran into the house. I stopped in the doorway.
Nothing could've prepared me for the gruesome sight before my eyes. Kayley
was sprawled out in front of me with a pool of blood around her head and
sticking to her hair. In her right hand she held a derringer. I fell to
my knees and wept.

The flash appeared again and I was kneeling on the ground beside my
teal Plymouth Breeze. I was crying and out of breath. I just relived the
worst night of my life. Three years ago my love committed suicide. How
strange our largest fight was also our last. I stood up and got into the
car. The rain was still falling as I started it up. I started to drive
away from the house. My windshield wipers going at an even pace, my
headlights the only thing lighting my path. The rain kept falling and
I heard the 'plink' it made as it hit my roof and the 'swish' the wipers
made against the glass. It was hypnotizing. On the radio played "Can't
fight the Moonlight" by Lee Anne Rimes. I sang along as I drove away.
The feeling of not being in control was back again.

When I stopped I wasn't in my driveway. I didn't realize whose place
I stopped at until Jem came running out in her raincoat and umbrella. She
opened the car door and pulled on my arm and pulled me out of hte car and
into her house. She peeled away my jean jacket.
"Candace your soaked! What happened to you!?" she asked frantic and
worried.
"The rain." I replied so calmly. She just scowled at my response.
She peeled off my shirt.
"Sorry Candace but I can't let you sit there in wet clothes." She
said adn left the room for a few minutes. I starred ahead of me,
unmovingly. I felt my bra being removed and a towel wrapped around my
shoulders. I leaned backward, sighed and held the warm towel close. Jem
continued to undress me from my wet clothes. Her gentle hands guided me
down on her bed adn she covered me up. I began to shiver.
"Oh candace, why aren't you even talking? You're scaring me." Jem
cried silently and lied down beside me.
"I...I'm sorry." I managed to get out I felt her arm go around me.
"There's no reason to be sorry. I just don't want to lose another
good friend."

I almost forgot that Jem, Kayley and I were always great friends.
Jem took Kayley's death just as bad as I did.

"I...I went back." I whispered Jem's grip tightened.
"Why?" She whispered sharply
"I...I...I don't know. One minute I'm driving home the next I was
at the house and then that night..."

I began to cry. I don't know how long I was with Jem for but she kept
me warm and safe. I looked over and smiled at her unmoving face so still
so calm so beautiful. True, I was attracted to her but I wouldn't do
anything without her full consent. I loved her all the same. She turned
to me and smiled.

"Morning Beautiful" I said.
"Hey. How ya doin?"
"NEKKY! I'm cold of course." We giggled a bit and she turned serious
"Candace. What happened last night?"
"Well, I left work and didn't go home but went to the old house, I
didn't know I did it. A bright flash and I was back at that night." I
explained the best I could. Jem gave me a soft squeeze.
"Hey Ace, all will be fine. You've lasted three years."
"Thanks to you." I smiled at hte use of my nickname.
"It wasn't your fault."
"I should've known."
"You should've known that Kayley had an illegal handgun?" She raised
her eyebrow and looked at me quizzically.
"Umm...yes?"
She just smiled at me and shook her head.
"No she kept it to herself. You are not at fault! No one has ever
blamed you...no one but yourself. I want you to quit now. You don't
need this torment."

Jemtold me and pulled me close to her. I held onto her with a
good squeeze I started to cry again. She held on tighter and rubbed my
bare back. I didnt' feel sorry for crying. Nor embarassed for being
undressed. I felt releaved from a burden. I cried harder and held
onto her tighter. I cried 'till I fell asleep.

I awoke to find Jem in my arms. I smiled and kept her close. I
kissed her forhead and she woke up and smiled at me.
"How are you feeling?"
"Much better thank you. And yourself?"
"Very good." She said and snuggled up to me.

The rest of the days passed very much the same, spending my hours
with Jem, spoiling her rotten. I enjoyed it very much and so did she.
My smile wasn't forced nor fake anymore. I took my new red firefly
with my top down back up that abandoned road. I knew what I was doing
nothing took over I felt everything. I reached that house and got out
of the car. The memories came back but I didn't see that night. I
smiled and blew the house a kiss, jumped into my little Firefly and
took off leaving the past behind me forever. I had a bright future
with Jem to look forward to.