Sleep deprivation and the thoughts it provokes |
Deep in the night when all is still save the noise of silence, sleep eludes me. As I await the peace of dreamless sleep, my mind recoils on yesteryear and chasms in my mind open wider Revealing all the long forgotten aches. Somewhere in the darkness a light begins to glow and show forth warmth, which At this time I no longer feel exists. The veils of my thoughts are rent apart Revealing all that I had so carefully hidden. Even awake the nightmares come, Not about past vengences and hatreds But about those things That could so easily happen. Why do,I torture myself ? Why can I not just close my eyes And drift into unconciousness To awake on the morrow, refreshed ? I concentrate my thoughts On the higher being that has created me. I feel no rest. Has He forgotten me in my hour of need ? Pains flash through my body In response to my distorted mind. Frustrations, Anger with myself Increase with every wakening breath. Familiar objects surround but do not comfort They are of no importance. I am seeking……………….What ? I do not yet know I need…………………………..What ? I do not yet know I want…………………..……..What ? I do not yet know My whole being is tired The night is long And time creeps on Oh ! how slowly. When dawn eventually opens The eyes of the world I am grateful I am no longer the odd one out. Even before the sun begins Its long journey across the sky The animals and birds sense The beginning of a new day. I join with their chorus To give thanks. The daylight hours will be filled with doings, What will happen when night draws in ? Will I sleep this night, Or will darkness go hand in hand with despondency Reflecting my inability to accept God's gift Of physical refreshment in sleep ? |