A poem about a friend of mine who died of cancer, and my reaction to it. |
Last Train Lacrymósa dies illa, Qua resúrget ex favilla Judicándus homo reus. Huic ergo parce Deus: Out of the depths I cry to Thee O Lord; O Lord hear my voice. The iron black door swung shut with a slam, and standing back up the man took hand From poker to mop his brow. “She’ll be ready to go in another nine” he said. So protesting and resisting with a thousand tonnes of iron and glass, The puff of steam and smoke proclaims an itching of the tiny brain to breathe. Metal dragged kicking and screaming, onto the track. The track is clear it runs in front, And neither left nor right it steers And yet it twists and turns much more than any coiled spring, I deem. Brazil with verdant forest green, France for food and cheese and wine, Lingering in the Rhineland, Where castles crown the rushing flow and mirrored in the deep appear below. For sixty years (a little more) the steam puffed on through peace and war. And though the engine never skipped it sometimes nearly faltered. But never did it refuse the load ’Twas better made than that. But suddenly something was wrong. The engine was laboured and painful, wheezing its gasps of air and belching steam. (A ginger beer I drank in clear and tiny medicine cups. The ginger Burned my throat with fire, my tongue to glue, ’Twas hard to speak, I trowe. But the smell of the air was too clean, Too disinfected and dead. And suddenly sad Perhaps I should have done much more When there was still some things we could do. The eighteen years was not enough, I put off most my plans till later on.) It was dying. the engine was nearly on fire, parched of water, unable to turn, “Who would have thought it would have come to this?” A disbelief once shared by all. (I expected to see him again. only ten percent fatality for this type. We heard he was ready to go back home… …The night before he left.) The engine failed again, it spluttered, started!… … he died. • • • • • The last puff of steam rises in the breeze and curls, folds, and weaves a spell on sight. Suggestions of a fallen one who bravely fought the battle long. Pink, Clink, the metal cools, But louder still I hear, That splash and hiss as if a water droplet or a tear had fallen. • • • • • And I was scared, And I had fear, Could he remember me on his bier? The life we shared The time we had, I fear I took too much and gave not back. The world now seems to be all wreathed in black. of Sorrow undying, of dead and maidens tears. Screams inside my head. Desolately loud with Piercing pain as if a lance or spear had thrust my heart and brain with chilled fever and a throbbing drain of Joy and Light and Life killed by death. Screaming missed chances. screaming regret and remorse. screaming pain long past. Screaming ingratitude and deadly spurning. (I a young boy with my friends, saw him and they laughed and mocked him. Wretched piece of muck am I, Who laughed at Love and affection, and spat an acid poison from my mouth.) Wine of forgetfulness flows over me at times, but sober with the lack of stimulation I still hear the echoes of the screams of pride. Around my head the scream redoubles. Screaming. And louder still the echoes roll and swell to bitter wrath. Screaming. I am scared, I have fear: These screams will never stop. • • • • • And if with screaming I could pierce the lofty vaults of heaven’s halls, For year on year my voice would raise and crying from this depth below The sound of voice would reach his ear, Crying “I am sorry.” But I cannot cry. “Pray why?” I do not know. But may his terminus be reached, I hope, And let perpetual light shine upon him; May he rest in peace, Amen. |