Vanishing

         I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About whether or not I really exist. It’s hard to believe that anyone can go so far unnoticed by anyone. The only thing that keeps me thinking I'm real is that I can interact with objects. I can open and close doors. I drive my car. I even hand in my homework that gets passed to the front. So I must exist, if that’s what you call existing, right?
         I feel like I’m sinking. I have no friends to talk to, so that explains why no one at school says anything to me. My teachers never acknowledge me in class, but I do my work and don’t disrupt the class so that explains that. And then there’s my parents. They haven’t spoken to me in weeks. So have I suddenly ceased to exist? I just don’t understand how anyone, even a reject like myself, could possibly have absolutely no human interaction of any kind for this long. I try to stop and say something to some of the other kids during passing periods and they just walk right on by. I come home late from school and my parents have already eaten their dinner and cleaned up. They don’t leave anything out for me. The real funny thing is that I don’t even feel hungry anymore. I’ve totally lost my appetite. Why do I feel so alone?
         I feel so tired. I haven’t slept in four days. It’s like it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do. No one will notice and no one will care. I thought about going crazy and shooting up the school but I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want someone to notice me. I know they’re busy living their lives but I just wish someone would take even a second to pause and say hello to me. At least then I’d know I was still here. Why doesn’t anyone ever look at me?
         I feel so cold. There’s no more love in my life. All that warm wholesome goodness that people share, I don’t feel any of that. No one loves me and there’s no one that wants me to love them. Even though I’m dying to love someone. Anyone. Why didn’t anyone ever want me?
         I can’t breathe. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. Everyone around me couldn't care less if I was there or not. I don’t even know if they know I’m there at all. I feel like I’m nothing more than a waste of space. All I seem to be doing is wasting good oxygen that someone else could be breathing. Why should I bother burdening this world anymore?
         What little strength I have left begins to slip away. The muddy world around me grows dark. Even the fish don’t seem to notice me. But then again, I am vanishing...