she is beautiful

she is beautiful.
she is very beautiful.
cameras sometimes fail to capture this beauty the way i see it, but i still like looking at her pictures.
i make collages and put them on computer desktop, and refuse to answer silly questions.
though sometimes i crack and tell them what she means to me. i'm not always able to put it in proper words, nor do i really expect them to understand.
but still.
she appeared not exactly unexpectedly, not as a storm. no, rather like a flower - simply started blooming near me, and this fragrant, balmy presence healed me when i was bleeding.
or maybe like a cat - walked in, stretched comfortably, her red-haired head resting on my shoulder warmed me better than the spring sun.
she didn't pretend she knew how everything should be, didn't try to change me, or teach me, or own me.
but she filled my life with many more colors and sounds, she turned my heart to joy when hatred was growing there.
she made me remember how fresh air smells in spring, made me think of music and art when i sought destruction.
she has a royal name, and maybe that's the trick. she enchants people, she magnetizes. her whims are forgiven - can it be any other way?
she will know the right words to say when you are down, and will know when no words are needed at all.
she is far away now, in a city that for me is synonymous to coldness and arrogance. but i know she will conquer it, she conquered it already.
because her strength is not in walking over people's heads, rushing straight on, driven by ambition and fear. all that will pass by without touching her, i know.
i don't want to tell her how mundane it can be, day by day getting up and living someone else's life. i don't want to write her about loneliness anymore. she must hear things better than that.
she is loved and cared for. this is the most fair thing i can point to in this world. this thought lives with me now and makes me happy.
of course i miss her.
of course she knows it.