Focus

**Hi, a couple of notes before you actually read this thing. In this story, the world is gay and it is sinful and uncommon to be straight or heterosexual. That is the main gist of the story.
**Another thing is that I don't exactly know what format to put this whole thing in. So just bear with me as it is going to switch an awful lot.
**One last thing, I don't mean to offend ANY group of people with this. This is supposed to give heteros a look into the life of a teenager who is abnormal and considered wrong. If I have some how offended you and you have a valid reason why, please email me and let me know. Thank you.
**Please Please Please r/r this! Every time someone does, it can only get better!! Thank you.

Focus

Intro.

Movie script          It begins with a girl sitting at a desk in a classroom. She looks like a typical teenage girl, long light colored hair, light tight blue jeans and a striped pink shirt. There is a class going on, with a teacher teaching, but the girl is too absorbed with what she is doing. She has out a spiral notebook on top of her Geometry book and she is doodling inside the back cover. She is drawing a heart in blue ink and then adding the names "Maggie" and "Tom" in the middle. Unknown to her, the bell rings and the kids around her begin to pack up their stuff and filter out of the classroom. She doesn't seem to notice, she is now putting the finishing touches on the heart. She is brought back to reality by a young female voice calling her name-
         Friend: Hey Maggie? Are you leaving, school's out!
         Maggie quickly snaps her notebook shut and begins to pack up, her face turning a light red.
Maggie: Yea coming, give me a second.
         She puts everything but her notebook in her backpack, zips it up and stands up. Both girls exit the room and enter the hall.
There is a rush of other students scrambling to get to their own classes on time.
         Maggie’s friend is talking the entire time, with Maggie only responding when she feels she has to, with a nod or uh-huh. As they are walking they pass two girls holding hands affectionately. Maggie’s friend stares as they pass and whisper viciously after they are gone-
Maggie’s Friend: Did you see what I just saw?
Maggie thinks and the scene rewinds. They repass the girls holding hands and the scene freezes with the two girls in focus, everything else blurry. Maggie’s friend’s words filter over her thoughts as the scene shifts-
Maggie’s Friend: Eww, it’s a bunch of breeders! voice full of disgust.
The scene has shifted and instead of the two girls in focus, we now see another couple behind them. It is a guy and a girl, holding hands quietly, obviously trying not to attract attention. Now they are the only things in focus in the scene.
The entire scene shifts back to reality when Maggie gets nudged in the arm by her friend. .
Friend: Maggie?
Maggie is jolted and unsteadily answers-
Maggie: Oh ah, yea right, disgusting huh?
The girls continue on down the hall, Maggie still a little distracted by her thoughts. As the girls continue down the hall once again, we focus on Maggie's deep blue eyes. In the reflection, we see the image of the heart she had previously doodled. The heart seems to smear and re-align as if being cried upon. The blue lines smeared and formed the word "Focus".


Main
Story Type.
         Ashley has a lot of friends; you can see it as she walks down the hall, nodding saying hi to almost a third of the people in the halls. And it's not just one cliché either, all-different kinds of people. As she passed a group of girls gathered in the hall, she caught the words "Liz" and "Bisexual". She shrugged it off and kept going. As she walked farther down the hall, she saw a guy at his locker, reaching up to the top shelf. Right as he was at the peak of his extension, she walked up behind him, placed her hands gently over his eyes, lowered her voice and said, "Guess who Tim?"
         Tim immediately hunched back down to his normal height and began to guess.
"Heath Ledger?" he guessed sassily.
Ashley almost giggled but managed to keep it in control.
"No," she replied. Tim thought long and hard.
"Brad Pitt? Please?" he asked hopefully.
At this, Ashley could not contain herself and she giggled. Tim quickly spun around and saw it was her. His shoulders slumped and he pouted.
         "Oh it's just you," he said sounding disappointed but kidding at the same time.
"Only me?" Ashley said indignantly, "Only me? Your bestest friend in the entire world? The girl you've known since second grade?"
Tim continued with his joke, "Yeap, only you."
         Ashley narrowed her eyes and studied him for a minute. She then rolled her eyes and gave up.
"So what's going on with you lately?" she said, "I didn't get to talk to you all weekend."

         Tim turned to her, "Well I went to the movies with the really cute guy I told you about from Psychology." Ashley looked at him expectantly. He sighed and said, "It just wouldn't of worked out, we're too different. I mean, don't get me wrong, he was really hott and we had some good laughs but it just wouldn't of worked. So we decided to just stay friends." He shrugged and turned her own question at her.
         "What did you do this weekend?" Ashley shrugged back and folded her arms across her chest, leaning up against the locker next to his.
"Nothing at all, I didn't even get my homework done. I think I'm failing French." Tim looked at her carefully.
"What going on hun?" he asked softly. Ashley looked down and shrugged again.
"I don't know, nothing seems to be making me happy lately, it's like I'm numb and can't feel anything." Her eyes slowly drifted back up to look Tim in the face.
"Have you ever felt like that?" she asked softly.
         Tim studied her carefully, thinking at the same time. He shook his head sadly,
"No, actually I haven't. But I wouldn't worry about it," he said quickly, seeing the worried expression on Ashley's face, "I'm the weird one, not you." He stepped near her and took her hands in his, looking her in the eye. "Promise."
         Ashley nodded and wiped the tears that had sprung up in her eyes away. "Okay," she said softly.

The ball rang and Ashley quickly looked at her watch, twisting Tim's hands at the same time.
"Shit! I'm going to be late for Bio!" she said and she quickly hugged Tim and ran off to her locker, her backpack awkwardly slung over her shoulder. Tim sighed as he watched her go.
"That girl needs a good girlfriend," he said quietly to himself.


Random
         Long shot down as empty hall, nothing is moving, all the classrooms hold the impatient kids in. A bell rings, and out of the classrooms gush teens. All are happy and laughing, today is Friday, no school for 2 day, days filled with parties and just bummin' around. Ashley walks out of one of the classrooms, not really talking to anyone and turns to go downstairs. She jostles past several kids standing in the middle of the hall at the foot of the stairs and keeps going, ignoring the "Bitch!" yelled after her. She walks down the hall, slightly oblivious to everything and zoning. Her focus snaps back to reality when she hears someone say in a loud disgusted voice, "Eww a bunch of breeders!" She looks around quickly and sees the couple being dissed on, but can't find the person who said it. She sighs and continues to her locker.

         Once there, she quickly twists her locker lock and swings open the door. She goes down on her knees and begins rifling through her books and folders.
Behind and unknown to her, a girl walks up behind her and promptly decides to sit on Ashley. Ashley is a little surprised at first but then figures out who it is.
"Hi Liz," Ashley says, a little pressed for air. She keeps transferring books between her locker and open backpack as if nothing out of the usual is going on.
         A distinctly female voice responds (the one sitting on Ashley),
"Hi! Whatcha doin' after school today?"
Ashley thinks for a little bit.
"Nothing mu-" she begins.
"That's good! You can come with me!" The girl says cheerfully. Ashley sighs and stands up as the girl leaps nimbly off. Liz has the body most girls want, long lean and thin. She long brown hair and huge, crystal clear eyes. Her fingers, Ashley suddenly notices, are also long and thin, adorned with rings. She has on tight fitting clothing that suits her very well.
         Ashley studies her for moment and gives in, swinging her locker closed and pulling her backpack on at the same time. She starts adjusting her backpack but is suddenly pulled along by Liz, who has begun to walk without any warning to wherever she was bringing Ashley.
         They walk a fairly long time, to the opposite end of the school it seems. Linking arms, they walk through the lunchroom, past the library and several water fountains. Now there is only one hallway left, and Liz is leading Ashley toward it quickly.
         "Okay, so now where exactly are we going?" Ashley asks, slightly scared.
"We are going to a club I go to, we're almost there," Liz replies mysteriously, feeding Ashley's curiosity.
         "And just what club is that?" Ashley asks, wanting to know before she is thrust into it.
"SGA," Liz replies. Ashley is starting to lose her patience just a little bit.
"What does that mean?" she asks, not clue to what Liz is talking about.

         Liz answers right as they turn into a classroom. The classroom has five or six students in it, all talking and laughing and greeting each other. Four guys and two girls, Ashley unconsciously counted.
         They step further into the room and see a teacher and another female student huddled around a computer. The atmosphere was something Ashley had never really felt anywhere else, but she couldn't quite figure out was it was.
         She heard Liz right as she locked eyes with a tall boy standing near the back of the room.
"Straight Gay Alliance."

That Night.

         Ashley is sitting at a computer in a den-type room, typing furiously in an online journal on a site called "writing.com". She is very intense and focused, only glancing away from the computer screen to type, which she does with her all her fingers. She never did really absorb all the information her 6th grade keyboarding teacher tried to pound in her head. She finishes and leans back, rereading it to herself, correcting her spelling and grammar errors.

Ashley’s Journal Entry:

         Today was a good day, I got my homework for French done in Biology, so it wasn't counted late, I didn't fail my geometry test like I thought I would, and I got kidnapped and taken to a club meeting of our school's SGA. Liz kidnapped and I got shoved in a room with five or six kids, some who I had seen around, none who I really knew, except a boy named Ben. (He's in my study hall forth hour. He's pretty quiet in there, but holy crap can he talk if he wants to.)
         Anyway, I was there and it was really fun. There was food and music playing and then the club advisor, Mrs. Jefferson, stood up and started the meeting. With only six or seven kids there, you would think it wouldn't be that hard to get us to be quiet, but we just wouldn't shut up. We talked about how the SGA was trapped for cash (SGA is straight-gay alliance by the way) and what we should do for a fundraiser, we picked bake sale. And how our next big project was seeing if we as a club could get a float in our school's homecoming parade, and what we should do for it.
         We ended the meeting by watching a music video one of the seniors had brought in, it was a song sung by a guy, about his love for a girl! In the music video, they meet each other and kiss! It was so cool, you just never see that kinda of thing in the media, though we heard from Mrs. Jefferson that the head of MTV was a pretty supporting guy. That is definitely cool.
         I plan on going back next week Friday after school, that is how often the meetings are. But now I have to get off the computer and do homework. Night to all, -Ashley.

Ps, Ben, the guy I met is really cool and he's gunna come hang out some time, but don't worry, I'm not straight.


Back to Random

         Ashley finishes checking her work and saves it to the website. She signs offline and shuts the computer off. She slowly walks through her darkened house, pausing to drink from the carton of chocolate milk from the fridge. After guiltily putting the milk away and wiping off the mustache, she continues upstairs to her bedroom.

         She walks into her room, which has a regular bed and dresser; the walls are the most noticeable things. Because they are plastered, plastered with posters, pictures, and drawings. She walked in, flipped her light switch on and looked around, studying her creation. She seemed dissatisfied and shut her light back off. She walked to her closet and turned on the small but bright light that illuminated most of the room. She dug through the stacks of clothes and pulled out a wrinkled pair of pajama pants and t-shirt. She quickly changed, switching from her dirty jeans and tank top.
         After throwing her dirty laundry on another pile of clothes, she fell into bed, twisting the blankets around her. She settled down then wiggled, and pulled a small blue stuffed bear out from under her. She carefully felt it on the dark to make sure of its identity, then quickly squeezed it to her chest and held it tight, drifting off to sleep.


A Few Weeks Later (don't quite know how to transition it)

         Ben walked down the hall, leather jacket on with his backpack slung over top. He moved confidently down the hall, his crystal clear blue eyes straight ahead, not moving from his destination.

         Ashley sat nervously near her locker, her knees brought up to her chest, her arms around her denim-covered legs. She wasn't aware of her surroundings, only her thoughts that seemed to consume her. She didn't even know Ben was next to her until he sat down. She looked up and smiled a half smile.
         "What's wrong? Why am I at school an hour before the early bird classes even start?" Ben asked quietly, taking Ashley's hands in his own. Ashley squeezed his hands, trying to draw strength from them. She took a deep breath and confessed:

"Ben, I think I'm straight," she continued before he could react, "I know it, I've been thinking about boys more than girls, I don't even think about girls in the same way-I catch myself thinking about how nice it would be to be held by him, how hott his ass is." She paused for breath, her eyes overflowing with tears. She looked at Ben, waiting, bracing herself for his reaction. He paused, studied her and spoke in a comforting voice,
"Why is this so upsetting to you?"

         Ashley was shocked; she barely managed to angrily choke out her reply.
"Because I've thought for the last 16 years of my life that I like girls! I was raised to like girls, girls are supposed to like girls, these aren't my thoughts!" She collapsed upon herself, crying out all the frustration and anguish she had been feeling since she had realized the source of her emotions. Ben quickly responded, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him. She sobbed for a few minutes then violently her head whipped up out of her arms, struggling to be released from Ben's hold.
Ben refused and kept his arms locked around her, tight but not threatening. He was getting a little scared by what was happening.
"What's wrong," he asked quickly, afraid she was going to hurt herself if he let go.

"Right then, when you were holding me, I was thinking about how nice it would be if you would hold me forever! I wasn't thinking about girls, I was thinking about boys again!" She gave up her struggles and fell back on Ben, murmuring something softly he only caught part of.

"What did you say?" he asked quickly and protectively, "What did you just say?!"
"I am .. going to go ..to," Ashley said quietly, finishing the last word with an air of self-loathing, "...hell."

         Ben was visibly hurt by the words Ashley had just uttered. He quickly recovered and moved Ashley's whimpering body around to face him. He rested her back up against her locker and held her shoulders up with his wide hands. He had his legs curled around her body, with her Indian-crossed legs delicately on his lap. He took a deep breath.

         "Ashley, look at me because I am going to tell you the most important thing I have ever told anyone in my entire life," he said huskily. Ashley looked up to him, wanting to be reassured and picked back up from the hole she had fallen into. Ben saw this and continued.

"You are not going to hell. What you are going to do, however, is think about how you feel when you think about a guy like most guys think about guys. You feel happy, nervous, just like the guys do. If the guys feel like that and they are doing something right, why can't you feel like that and be doing something right?"
         Ashley started to speak but Ben quickly and gently covered her lips with his hand.

"Don't talk yet, it's my turn," he said. Ashley nodded and Ben's hand dropped from her mouth to her hands. He picked one up and held it securely, then continued.

         "Because you are doing something right. If that is how you feel, no one, no one," he repeated for emphasis, "should be able to make you feel different. Because that is the way you are, not the way you chose. It is not a choice, it is who you are. Just because you are not the same as the so-called majority is no reason to not do something. You are different; everyone is different from everyone else. Sexual orientation is such a small part of someone, something that shouldn't even matter. But it does, and it will to you until you fully except it and embrace it. Once you do that, you will feel free. Your food will taste better, you will feel lighter, smarter and it will feel like you are wearing new glasses, everything seems to be more in focus, clearer, nothing is missed by you. It is a wonderful experience, one not many people get. You are finding yourself."

         Ashley sat up straighter and wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks. Ben saw she was composing herself and let go of her shoulders. Ashley looked him straight in the eye, asking a question that would change her life.

"How do you know this?"

         Ben paused then took a deep breath.
"Because I'm straight too."

Ben's Story


         I've always known there was something different about me, even since I was a little kid.
While everyone else had a crush on the neighbor boys, I was gooey-eyed over the neighbor girl.
         When I was about 13 I figured out what was going on. I was straight. A breeder, a hetero. And it wasn't a choice, I was born this way, I couldn't change it. I tried to like boys, I pretended I did and even went out with some so others didn't think I was like this. But the relationships just fell apart and I always knew why.
         No one else knows this, only you and Mrs. Jefferson. I've been forced to hide myself everyday for the last 4 or so years, when I really realized what was going on in my head. My friends, my family, my classmates, random strangers-I have to put on a fake smile and pretend to lust after other guys. And about how I wanted to get into "his" pants instead of hold "her" hand.

Back

"So I don't exactly know what you're going through, I've always known. But I do know how it will be if you decide to hide yourself from everyone. It's like being in a prison. A prison made from your own mind. After a while, you begin to realize how fake you are. Then you begin to ask yourself just how real you are."

         Ben turned and looked Ashley straight in the eye and said,
"And you don't want that to happen. Dark thoughts begin to surface and your head seems to be taken over by them. It does not lead to good things.
         Right now I would suggest not telling anyone, and only tell people you know you can absolutely trust. Let yourself get used to and comfortable with the idea first.
         This is the only help I can give your right now, but know that I am always here for you. If you ever need to call at 3am and talk things out, please, pick up the phone. I will always be here to talk and help as best I can.
         And you can go to Jefferson too; she has saved me more times than she knows. She is always willing to help and give practical advice. She is basically my 3rd mom.

         Please don't be afraid to be yourself around me."

At this last sentence, Ashley folded forward and hugged Ben passionately. His arms slowly circled around her body and pulled her closer.
         Ashley suddenly realized how hard she was squeezing him and released her grip.

"Sorry about that," she stammered awkwardly.
         "No problem, I didn't need to breathe," Ben replied in a squeaky voice while massaging his throat.

         Ashley giggled. Both glanced at each other and glanced away awkwardly. Ashley quickly turned to her near by backpack and began rummaging through.
         "So did you get the Geometry or were you thinking 'English please' like me?" she asked as she pulled out a blue spiral notebook. Ben grinned and pulled a textbook and similarly tattered spiral.

         "I have a hard enough time with English let alone Mathematics," he replied as he flipped open the textbook and began paging through. They moved closer together, arm to arm. Ashley leaned over and gently put her head on Ben's shoulder, closing her eyes.
         "Thank you," she said sincerely. Ben smiled softly.
         "No problem," he replied.

Both Ashley and Ben finished their homework and got to class on time, each feeling the same as the other but for different reasons.

Incident

         Ashley walked into World Studies three class hours later and found her assigned seat. The warning bell rang and then the final bell as half the class filed into their seats.
The teacher, a short plump middle aged woman walked in with an armload of books and set them down on her desk with a clatter. Without a word she walked to the front of the classroom and began putting notes up on the overhead. The class simotaneously groaned as they all pulled out their abused spiral notebooks and began writing down the notes.

         There was a small gaggle of girls who always began to chatter and this class hour was no exception. Their conversations became less and less private as they abandoned caution and became less wary or the teacher trying to teach in front. After a several minutes of desperate praying that the girls would be quiet and begin taking notes on thier own, Ms. Johnson turned around irritatedly.

         "You girls do not need to be talking right now, you need to be taking notes so get to it," she said stopping the conversations in mid-sentence. The girls quickly lowered their heads, mumbled their apologies and grabbed their abused spirals and began dilegently taking notes.

         A few minutes later, Ms. Johnson turned to the class.

"I'm sorry but I forgot some papers I need in my mailbox, I'm going to run and get them and you guys finish taking notes," with that said she quickly walked out of the room and shut the door firmly behind her.

         The second the door clicked in the doorway the room erupted in chatter. The gaggle of girls immediatly began complaining about Ms. Johnson and her lack of consideration for their important conversations.

         Ashley turned to her freind Maggie and asked how her weekend was. During a lull in conversation, the loudest of the gaggle, a brunette named Jessie said furiously,
"She's just so fucking gay!" Unfortunetly Ms. Johnson opened the door at that exact second and walked in to hear every word perfectly. She paused in midstep as the entire class held it's breath and both Jessie turned a light shade of red. Ms. Johnson kept walking unsteadily and made her way to her desk where she deposited another pile of papers. Shuffling papers on her desk, she nervously cleared her throat.

         "Jessie, do you have the notes copied down?" she asked with her head lowered, still shuffling through the mounds of papers.
         "No, I didn't have enough time," Jessie replied with a smirk.
         "Well maybe you would if you sat out in the hall and didn't talk to your freinds," she raised her head to look Jessie in the eye. "Cause another disruption and that's where you'll be," she threatened. She quickly turned to the overhead and put up more notes. As the class slowly returned to normal, Ashley sat in a daze.

Why didn't she tell them off? Why did she let them get away with it? Isn't that against school rules or something? Why didn't anyone else say anything? Why didn't I say anything? What would I have said?

         Ashley went through the rest of class with the thoughts circling in the back of her head; doubts, nagging accusations and unanswered questions.

After School

         Ashley stood in front of a door of an empty classroom. The halls were quiet, it was after school. Taking a deep breath, she knocked softly.
         "Come on in," a female voice said pleasently. Ashlet turned the doorknob with her sweaty palms and walked timidly into the room, head down and taking small steps, showing her nervousness very plainly. Turning the smal corner of the class room, she saw Mrs. Jefferson sitting behind a large desk, piles of papers in front of her. Mrs. Jefferson turned to face Ashley, causing her teacher ID to jingle from teh keys attached to it.

         "What's up?" Mrs. Jefferson asked, putting her full attention on Ashley. Ashley looked down at her hands and nervously began swaying back and forth on her feet.

         "I was wondering if you could help me with something," Ashley said, feeling the knot in her stomach begin to twist. Mrs. Jefferson nodded.
         "Umm I was wondering what to do if I knew a teacher didn't say anything to a student who used anti-straight words," Ashley stammered.

         Mrs. Jefferson leaned forward in her squeaky chair, hands folded in her lap. She thought silently for a minute and then looked up at Ashley.

         "Would you tell me what happened, with no names please?" she asked politley. Ashley nodded and swallowed. She was releived to have someone who would know what to do and know how to make her feel better about it. Mrs. Jefferson listened intently to Ashley's account of earlirt that day.

         "Okay, now I would like a name," she said when the story was finished as she pulled out a pen and small peice of paper. Ashley gave it up willingly and felt the twisting knot in her stomach lessen.

"Thank you very much for reporting this," Mrs. Jefferson said, writing down the name. She thought for a moment then looked up at Ashley with an excited look in her eyes.

         "Ashley, would you lile to come to a discussion tonight?" she asked warmly. Ashley felt the knot completely melt away as the good feeling of being respected washed over her. After getting the nesaccery details of time and place, Ashley said she would and left, thanking Mrs. Jefferson for listening to her.

         Mrs. Jefferson sat thinking for sometime after Ashley left before turning back to her work. That girl is going to help people and go places, she thought proudly. She then turned back to grading papers as Ashley walked down the hall with a good feeling that didn't go away until a few days later when another took over.


**Work in progress, come back every once in while for more. Thanks **