Twisted Fairy Tales- The Three Pigs

Twisted Fairy Tales

[note: This story was wrote to vent. It was created as an alternative to breaking something. Later, I wanted to see what people had to say. I realize its childish, I realize its immature.]

The Three Little Pigs

          Once upon a time there was a family of pigs. The single mother pig of three worked two jobs overtime to make ends meet, and still occasionally relied on prostitution to fill the gap. One day, finally having enough, she decided to kick her lazy, fat-assed kids out of the house. She gave them each some money to start their new lives, and left them with these wise words: "Remember kids, the secret to true happiness is—" And then dropped dead. Shrugging, the three pigs left.

          The first little pig, being incredibly greedy, immediately used the money to fund a Mafia organization, which he planned to use to control the crime and drugs, becoming immensely rich. Unfortunately, he choked on a peanut and died soon after he plopped down his money. (In his memory, the Mafia was called 'Deadly Peanuts'.)

          The second little pig was simply gluttonous, and used all his money to buy candy… Unfortunately for him, the friendly 'candy dealer' was actually a drug pusher, and he died on account of overdose from 12 different drugs.

          The third little pig was schizophrenic, and used all his money to build an impenetrable fortress, complete with a moat, sharks with lasers attached to their head, and a dancing gnome. He used the missile silo on the North Tower to destroy everything within a radius of fifty feet of his house, including Jehovah witnesses, neighbors, and the occasional squirrel.

          Once day, a feeble old wolf knocked on the third little pig's door. The pig answered through an intercom, demanding a name and reason for visit.

          "Pardon the intrusion," The old wolf wheezed, "but I was wondering if you could direct me to—" A panel on the pigs' front door flapped open, and out flew three Dobermans, each the size of a medium sized Grizzly bear.

          Nose catching the Dobermans scent, the old wolf tried to limp away, but to no avail. The vicious dogs were on him in an instant, mauling him to pieces. The only resistance the wolf offered was a pathetic squeal and feeble beatings of his cane. He died from blood loss shortly after, but not before he managed to poke out a dogs' eye, in a valiant last act of defiance.

          Three days later, a passerby noticed the bloody pile, and notified the police. Upon approaching the yard, the police officers were met with a hail of missiles, small arms fire, and gnome urine. After three months of full military siege, the pig finally surrendered to authorities.

          The third pig was tried with manslaughter, assault of police officers, and illegal prostitution. He pled insanity, and was locked up in an asylum, where he presumably is today.

The End.

PLEASE R&R, even if you feel like leaving a bad rating... I'll return the favor!