I Seek Council

I seek council. One must understand or I will truly go insane. I wish to speak to you but there is no time and no place. Walls block your every angle and the forgotten flash knives in my direction. I know their glint cannot hurt me, not like yours can. Yours is the biggest threat. I wait for it to plunge downwards but I see instead the gentle cutting motion, flayed alive. Look how you hold the knife, like you do not even realise it is there but still it twists and turns. You whom have cut my strings I scream at you,

“What do I do now?!”

You do not hear me. We will not speak of this. Time will ebb and flow and time will freeze for you decree we will stay trapped in limbo. I should run, my head demands it, end this torture for that is all it will ever be but my heart will not leave. What it desires it will never have but still it will not, can not let go for it sees hope and a stronger power grips it of which I have no knowledge. How will this end for me? Badly I believe. I should have left things well alone but how could I? I wanted a return to the past but that is gone now, dust and ashes in the wind. I still cannot accept it. I cannot let it drop; I will always chase this dream. I will always seek someone to know this and will blunder in the harsh light trying to make you see. You offer no comment. I will bare my soul and you will stay silent. That is why I uncrossed my path from yours in the first place; your ears would not hear me. Now I remember the frustration, the agony. You think me crazy, obsessed but I just wanted, want you to understand, to answer my cry. I am sorry I changed. I address this to you though I write it for me and I know you are not ready to listen. Even so I will offer it to you again and you will only walk away shaking your head.

I know how it sounds but I lose everything from showing you this. I embarrass myself reaching out to you again and you only see that I am troubled not that I am too honest. I will only gain hurt and you will only gain misunderstanding. I am not crazy, I am not scarily dependent on you, and I do not love you.

I just learnt to tell it like it is.