Pain

She knows that she has wanted this for years, wanting once to look atractive, nice and intelligent. But she can’t be proud nor can she be happy of what she has become.



A scared little puppy not finding his way home anymore, crying thousands of crocodile tears which wrinkles her face and makes her pale. Oh and how she hates to look at herself every morning when she only sees a pale figure with swollen red eyes.



While through day in and out she can’t look out around bowing her head wherever she goes hiding the truth from herself. The truth that pains her so much and which she doesn’t want to admit that it exists.



Hiding day in day out in a reality that doesn’t in the truth doesn’t exist. A reality where people finally accept her for what she is and don’t call her names, tease or pick on her. A place where she can live in freedom and peace with someone to love.



But when finally truth strucks her face like cold water splashing it, she cries bitter tears. Shutting herself off from the world, huddling in a corner and wanting to end her life that instant.



She doesn’t know what is drowning her soul with tears and dispair that makes her collaps in a river of tears every now and then. No one understands her fear and pain, which only gives her more dispair; nobody notices how hurt she is inside because nobody sees through her false façade.



And when I look at her now, sitting there endulfing her arms around her body protectively gaping at something she just thought. I wonder if I’ll ever understand that woman who wants nothing else then just to be accepted. I hope that one day that someone will understand that she just needs to be free and being able to show her feelings. Without anybody recoiling afterwards when words fell and bitter looks appear upon her.



What can I do to help a mourning soul to end crying? For a girl finally to find faith again without having to be scared that everything will brake down again. Without her having to build a protective wall around her?



No I don’t need an answer even if I haven’t found one myself. But logical answers won’t work, beacause a crying soul can’t be healed so quickly. I only have one more thing to say so keep it well, be careful of what you say because you may hurt a soul quicker then you may think. You may not know how it feels but once you felt the first tinge of pain, you will be consumed by it.