The Belly Of Hell

Oh, my poor stomach. Let me tell you, friend, some things just aren't worth eating no matter how hungry you may be... urp... pardon me. I should have remembered that, when something is discarded, there's usually a good reason. Especially when it's from a moving vehicle.

Urp... burp... sorry.

It's been like this for almost 3 days now. Nothing I do helps. I tried eating a few things I know are safe to sort of encourage digestion, but it doesn't work. It's like a rock sitting in my lower gut.

Urp... sorry, again.

So, why did I eat that bit of flotsam? Good question, I know I've asked myself the same thing. I can only excuse myself by saying I hadn't been able to find any food for several days. When you're as big as me, you need a lot of food to keep the old furnace stoked.

Ooh! Wrong choice of words. Ow, ow, ow! Oh, ooh, whooh!

Sorry. Uh, where was I? Oh yes, I was explaining how it seemed like all the natural prey in the area had been chased off. There wasn't a single thing to be found. After a few days of hunting I was beginning to get pretty desperate. Even seaweed was starting to look good.

Then, three days ago, this huge storm suddenly came up. It was horrible, but I was hopeful. The worse the storm, the more likely it was I'd find food. Storms really stir up the ocean and, by reaction, ocean life. It can be a real feast.

Not this time, however. Oh, no. Not a fish or crab to be seen. I was getting pretty worried, rooting around the rocks, when there was a huge splash and the storm stopped as fast as it started.

I was feeling pretty low by this point. Even turning over rocks hadn't revealed anything remotely edible. Suddenly, as if someone had put a hand on my back and physically turned me around, I found myself looking at the water's surface.

To my surprise there appeared to be a distressed sea creature floating there. I blinked a few times since I'd also begun hallucinating and wanted to be sure of what I was seeing. It didn't disappear so I swam toward it as fast as I could. The closer I got, the more excited I became. The thing was huge!

In my excitement at the thought of all that food, I ignored the instinct to be cautious and, opening my mouth as wide as possible, ate the thing in one gulp. I didn't even bother to chew, if that tells you anything. I can just hear my mother now. "Slow down! Chew, don't inhale! Do you want to choke to death?"

I'm really wishing I'd thought of that sooner. Maybe then I'd have done a taste test and realized it wasn't really good fo... urp... for me.

I'm pretty sure I've been poisoned and it's slowly killing me. There's a burning around that heavy area in my stomach which I'm sure isn't doing my ulcer any good, and I've started hallucinating again. But, this time, I'm hearing voices. Only two, but still....

One voice has been going on and on and on about "the belly of hell" and, let me tell you, that's what feels like is burning in my belly right now.

But, it's this other voice that really scares me. It's very kind and gentle and extremely insistent that I go up on shore and spit this thing out. Believe me, I've tried for the last three days to spit it up. It hasn't worked. I've swallowed sea water, sea weed, rocks and pebbles, what little fish and other edibles I could find. Everything else comes back up except this thing. I'd give anything if I could... ahh... could...

Uh... I have to go! Can someone point me toward the nearest shore? Please!?
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(Gentle fun, with apologies to the Bible and the book of Jonah. Pam)